Lieutenant Ryu, Lieutenant Choi, and Kyung paused outside the door of the apartment.
"I have dreamed of this day for so long. What if my children no longer recognize me? What if I no longer recognize them?" she cried. "Not a chance. A mother always recognizes her children and vice versa. Just make sure you bend down before they reach you or they might knock you over because they are so happy to see you," said Lieutenant Ryu. Kyung slowly opened the door and walked inside. Almost immediately her two children screamed and ran towards her. She tried to bend down, but it was to no avail; Sung-hoon and Eun-hee knocked her on her butt. She sat there both crying and laughing. While the three became reacquainted, Sin Yu-jin, the apartment owner, walked over to the two lieutenants. "We expected you here earlier. What happened?" she asked. "Oh, you would not believe it. The mayor wanted to have lunch with us to convince us that this city is suitable for opening our 'business.' And they kept bringing food and drink. It was a little embarrassing, to be honest," answered Lieutenant Ryu. "Two of your colleagues arrived earlier and took the other two children. Even though I love these children and will miss them dearly, I am very happy that they are going home. They would end up illiterate because they would be unable to obtain a hukou, what China calls a person's identification, needed to attend school and obtain medical care," said Sin. All this time, Lieutenant Choi was watching the last boy, Nae Hak-chul. He just sat dejectedly and watched the reunion of his friends. "Do you know anything regarding the whereabouts of his mother?" she asked. "Only that she was arrested. His father is a Chinese businessman who dumped him here right after his wife was arrested. I met him only once and I disliked him immediately," answered Sin. "I will call Colonel Jang and ask him." Lieutenant Ryu called him via satellite phone. "Colonel Jang, do you know anything about a boy named Nae Hak-chul?" "Let me think." He searched though his photographic memory, pattern-matching names, dates, and locations. "I am fairly certain his mother was executed. His mother and Kyung were arrested on the same day and for whatever reason, Nae was executed and Kyung was only imprisoned. I am sorry, but the records tend to only contain dates and names, not reasons," concluded Colonel Jang. "Thank you, Colonel," said Lieutenant Ryu before she hung up. "Why do you do this? I mean, why do you risk your life to rescue children you do not know?" Lieutenant Choi asked Sin. "We are Christians," answered Sin. "What is a Christian?" interrupted Lieutenant Choi. "Yes, you would not know about that. Oh, boy, what a long story! There was this man named Jesus who lived around 2000 years ago. From all accounts, he was quite charismatic, with people following him in droves. He was a pacifist. He eschewed wealthy people and spent his time tending to the sick, the downtrodden, and prostitutes. The leadership at the time could see that he was stirring up trouble with his radical ideas of salvation after death and income inequality. He was eventually executed in a particularly grisly manner, crucified on a wooden cross with his hands and feet nailed to the cross. Christians believe that he was not just a man, but the actual son of God. We refer to him as Christ for that reason. We use a cross as a symbol to remember him," explained Sin. "Do Christians believe that Jesus will return?" asked Lieutenant Choi. "Yes, we do, though there is no general agreement as to when that might be," continued Sin. "When Jesus returns, wouldn't a cross be the last thing he would want to see?" asked Lieutenant Choi. Both Sin and Lieutenant Ryu laughed. "I never thought of it that way," interjected Lieutenant Ryu. "Do believers in other religions rescue children in this manner?" asked Lieutenant Choi. "Um, no, many do not. And curiously, South Koreans generally do not adopt children, whether from the North or South," explained Sin. “Bloodlines and all that.” "Muslims, on the other hand, never rescue children anywhere in the world, as far as I know. There could not be a bigger contrast between Christianity and Islam. As I said, Jesus was a pacifist and allowed himself to be executed. He gave all of his money to the poor. His followers, especially early Christians, died rather than deny their faith. There are plenty of stories of how Christians allowed themselves to be eaten by wild beasts rather than renounce their faith. Muhammad, the man who created Islam, was quite the opposite. He preached that Islam should be spread by the sword. His followers invaded Spain and Portugal shortly after his death, occupying those countries for almost a thousand years. Today, Muslim men force their women to wear long robes, often covering the entire faces of women. There was a case in Saudi Arabia about ten years ago where schoolgirls were not allowed to exit a burning building because they were not wearing their long robes, with many of them dying," concluded Sin. "Islam sounds like a belief system for losers, for violent control-freak men and submissive women lacking self-confidence. I will work hard to ensure that our new government is not another totalitarian one: no dictatorship by personality cult, chaibol, or religious nuts. No man will force me to wear a sack and walk behind him. I have had enough of tyrants," declared Lieutenant Choi. "Koreans are not 'rice-Christians'; that was the term used to describe pre-Mao Chinese people when they professed to believe in Christianity, as everyone knew that they were doing it only to obtain more rice. South Korea is the second-most Christian Asian country after the Philippines. And possession of a Bible in North Korea was a capital offense, hence why you never heard of Christianity," added Sin. "I have a spare Bible I could give you. It details the life of Jesus and much, much more," offered Sin. "Yes, I would like that," said Lieutenant Choi. She looked over at Hak-chul. "We will take him to North Korea with us. I will pretend to be his mother. It is the Christian thing to do," she declared. Both Sin and Lieutenant Ryu smiled. "Hak-chul, please come here," said Sin. Hak-chul walked to where Sin was standing. "These two women will take you back to North Korea. Lieutenant Choi will pretend to be your mother until you actually leave China. Do you think you can pretend that she is your mother for a day or two?" asked Sin. Hak-chul nodded shyly. * * * * * "Thanks for buying us lunch. I cannot remember the last time I ate an actual meal," said the oldest girl to Lieutenant Nam. The other children nodded their agreement. "Where do you children sleep at night?" asked Lieutenant Nam. "Many of us sleep in caves just outside the town," explained the boy with one leg. "My friend and I sleep under some abandoned work materials at the outskirts of town. The caves are too far for me to walk." "In caves? Are other children there now?" queried Lieutenant Nam. "Probably not because we need to beg for food during the day," answered the oldest boy. "The caves hold teenagers too, but I don't know what they do during the day." "After lunch we will visit the caves, okay?" implored Lieutenant Nam. * * * * * Lieutenant Kok was sitting in the sun when he heard voices. At first he ignored them. But then he realized that they sounded different than the voices of his captors or fellow prisoners. They sounded young -- and South Korean. He stood up in the hope that they might see him. * * * * * Lieutenant Ryu, Lieutenant Choi, Kyung, and the three children had boarded the same bus carrying the commandos and the eleven rescued women. Nam Min-soo approached the three women. Lieutenant Ryu was amazed at him because of his diminutive stature. He was shorter than five feet tall, yet he was in his 20s and full-grown. He nearly died from starvation more than once and it greatly affected his growth. Lieutenant Choi and Kyung were not surprised, as they had seen it many times before. "Ladies, we need to take passport photos of the children. And we need to determine the proper personal data, even if that data is fictitious. I need to know which of you will be the official parents of the children. I have a passport machine in the very rear of the bus which I already used for the eleven women the commandos rescued. After you re-enter Korea, the false passports will be collected," explained Nam. "Does he know where my mama is?" Hak-chul asked Lieutenant Choi. "I do not think so. Wait until we reach North Korea, okay?" asked Lieutenant Choi as her eyes misted up. * * * * * "Colonel, the children of Diao Shaojie are in fine hands with him in terms of parental love. However, they live at the very edge of existence. The children look like skeletons. If they become sick, they could quickly die," declared Captain Roh via phone. "Okay, Captain, this is what we will do," answered Colonel Jang. * * * * * Colonel Ko, Mi-ja, and Yun-bok were walking through the now empty Camp 22. "Your mother was right; she would not have made it here. The food was disgusting at best, usually corn mush filled with insects. I lost about one third of my body weight in just the one year I was here. I saw so many people simply not wake-up in the morning, having died during the night. I even saw a few people who ran to the electrified fence and threw themselves on it to escape their living hell," offered Colonel Ko. "And of course there were many people who were executed. I had no idea there were so many ways to murder someone." "Many people would eat any small animal that crossed their path, but I deduced that it actually made things worse. Snakes always had parasites which caused diarrhea, resulting in more weight loss. Some people died because they lost too much of their body's fluids, and of course, it was impossible to obtain medicine," added Colonel Ko. "Cooking the animals would have made it okay, but prisoners would have been beaten to death before their meal was properly cooked." "Father, how could people do that to their fellow Koreans? Were the guards chosen for their brutality?" asked Yun-bok. "Yes and no. I never saw an organized effort to populate the camps with psychopaths, but they volunteered for duty there. And guards who had a conscience tried everything they could to leave if they were stationed here. Not every last guard had a never-ending urge to murder, but most of them did," answered Colonel Ko. "The crazies convinced themselves that the prisoners were less than human and deserving of of their fate. They were true believers in song-bun and the other evil philosophies of the Kim family." "Did you ever try to escape?" asked Mi-ja. "No, because I saw what happened to those who were unsuccessful. They were hacked apart with axes, ripped apart with automatic weapons fire, set on fire, and beaten to death," responded Colonel Ko. "Pregnant women were given abortions regardless of how far along they were. Many were raped." "This place will never leave me," added Colonel Ko. * * * * * Doctor Lee was waiting for the group of commandos and rescued women. "Ladies, we would like to give you a medical examination, as we do for all refugees. Please come with me," he said. The eleven women first turned to the commandos and gave each one of them a hug in thanks. They then turned and followed Doctor Lee into the examination area. "Let's get something to eat. Then we will find Colonel Jang and get another assignment," declared Captain Sobong. * * * * * Lieutenant Nam used her satellite phone to call Colonel Jang. "Colonel, I need a bus for all of the children I have found!" "How large of a bus?" asked Colonel Jang. "I have 20 children so far and I have not completely searched the hiding places the children tell me they use here. I'll have to give you my GPS coordinates because I am not sure where I am," sheepishly admitted Lieutenant Nam. "I take it that map and compass were not your favorite tools in training. Never mind, I'll get a bus out to you pronto," promised Colonel Jang. * * * * * Lieutenant Ryu, Lieutenant Choi, and Kyung separated at the refugee camp. Kyung took her two children and went in the camp along with the other refugees. Everyone hugged each other, knowing that they might never see each other again. Kyung walked to a table where her parents were sitting. "Father, mother, this is Sung-hoon and Eun-hee. Children, these are my parents, your grandparents." * * * * * Talvela, Lieutenant Song, and the twins entered the conference room of South Korean President Shon Joon-ho. Lieutenant Song and the twins walked to the end of the conference table. Executives from South Korea's chaibol were already present. "Mr. President, thank you for holding this meeting. Gentlemen, thank you for coming on such short notice," began Talvela. "Very soon, North Korea will be able to hold talks on future business. There are prime locations to be assigned. As is always true, some locations will have perfect access to mass transit and a railway line. Less desirable locations will require the use of trucks to move products. Of course, you will want to build all future factories in North Korea because of the drastically improved transportation, not to mention that your new factories will operate under your native tongue," continued Talvela. "However, we have a severe problem with orphans. Very soon we will have thousands of orphans in need of housing. We simply do not have the space to hold them all. So here is my proposal. We will give you, the chief executives of the major South Korean companies, prime locations for your next factories. We will, in conjunction with South Korea, improve the metro lines and the notoriously poor railway system so you can transport your products most efficiently," added Talvela. Tan-na and Kan-na giggled at the end of the table, drawing everyone's attention to them. Talvela and Lieutenant Song's eyes met for a fleeting moment. "And in return, you will supply project management, all building equipment and supplies, and trained foremen to build new orphanages in Pyongyang. North Korea has plenty of workmen. Given that Internet access will not be available outside Pyongyang for years, maybe many years, we need to situate all of the orphans in Pyongyang so that get the best start in life," continued Talvela. "You will provide basic laptops to all orphans, both from the North and South, for the foreseeable future. Their life sucks enough as it is, so giving them an educational leg-up is essential," added Talvela. "There will be a substantial tax advantage for companies which build all future factories on the Korean peninsula," added President Shon. “The degree of sexual violence in the North Korean military is simply astounding, with around 70% of all military women having been coerced into having sex. The only way to fix that is to appoint a woman to head the combined military of the two Koreas,” continued Talvela. “There are far too many soldiers in the combined armies. I suggest you create three entities. The first is an anti-terrorist team. Take the best parts from my country’s Delta Force, SEALs, and Special Forces by training your soldiers to be the best possible shooters, with some trained to assault from the sea and others trained to assault by helicopter, and all of them speaking multiple languages. They will be employed to board ships that have been assaulted by pirates off Somalia and other African countries. The second is an earthquake rescue team, which would be employed when Korea or other countries suffer a major earthquake. Specialized equipment would be created to make rescues must faster and safer. The third involves the million or so mines situated in the DMZ which must be removed before people can use it for recreation. It must be a priority that there are zero casualties in this removal process, which will be accomplished by creating specialized equipment to detect and remove mines. Some people will be tempted to quicken the removal process by placing explosive charges on top of the mines, but the noise would result in all of the animals running to China – where they would be eaten. No, as many as possible of the mines must be removed and detonated in a pit a good distance from the DMZ. The equipment I mentioned, both for mine removal and earthquake rescue, will be built by a consortium of Samsung, Hyundai, and other companies,” continued Talvela. "And speaking of the DMZ. I realize that South Korean businessmen have plans to build a new city there. It's not gonna happen. The DMZ will be converted to a nature preserve for the red crane, sun bear, and other animals of the Korean peninsula. I think we will actually increase the size of the DMZ, adding adjacent hills that cannot be farmed. We will need to have scientists choose the route, but the DMZ will contain a hiking trail running from coast to coast, something quite unique in the world. We'll add feeder trails so Koreans can day-hike a portion of the main trail. We'll also build hotels on the edge of the DMZ for tourists who want to stay in the area, with these hotels being designed in a similar manner to the majestic ones in my country in the national parks," finished Talvela. “In the past the DMZ kept Koreans apart, but now the DMZ will bring them together.” * * * * * Lieutenants Ryu and Choi took Hak-chul to the house of his grandparents, the sole remaining relatives he had left. "I realize you have never met your grandparents, but I am sure they will give you a good home," said Lieutenant Choi. Lieutenant Ryu knocked on the door. Hak-chul's grandparents opened the door and the three of them went inside. "Do you know where my mama is?" asked Hak-chul of his grandparents. All four adults just looked at each other, not quite sure of what to say. Hak-chul's grandfather bent down in front of him. "Come and sit by me. I have a story to tell you." * * * * * For the first time in well over 60 years there were no weapons to be seen in Panmunjom. "Father, do you remember me? I am Min-kyu, your son. The North Korean authorities took me away to work as a logger, but I escaped and made my way to South Korea with the help of Christian missionaries," exclaimed Min-kyu. "Yes, I remember. You have grown up," answered Lieutenant Kok. "This is my wife, Seul-ki. I have two sons who are both in the army; they are very busy right now. These are their two wives, Ji-yeong and Eun-ju. And these are your great-grandchildren, Hyun-woo and Jin-hye," continued Min-kyu. "Lieutenant Kok, I am President Shon Joon-ho. Welcome home. I am so sorry we could not bring you home sooner," apologized President Shon. "Thank you, Mr. President. It is so good to finally be home," declared Lieutenant Kok. "I do not intend to be impolite, but I would very much like to have something to eat. I am starving." * * * * * "I would like to be the temporary mother of the next orphan we find," said Lieutenant Ryu on their way from Hak-chul's grandparent's house back to the refugee camp. "Of course, it is the Christian thing to do," replied Lieutenant Choi. * * * * * The bus pulled up at the entrance to the refugee camp. Lieutenant Nam emerged and stood next to the door. "Okay, children, it is time to get out and eat dinner," she announced. One after another they exited the bus, with Lieutenant Nam counting to make sure they were all accounted for. 36 hungry children and teenagers walked as fast as their starved bodies would allow to the canteen with Lieutenant Nam following them like a mother duck and her ducklings in reverse order. "Maybe this military thing is okay after all," she thought. Copyright 2020 Pete Prunskunas - All rights reserved.
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Captain Sobong and Sergeant Yeong Jae-gu were dressed in typical business suits. They walked along a busy street until they saw a Chinese policeman. They approached him.
"Good morning, officer. We are new to this area; obviously we are Koreans on a business trip. Police officers always know what goes on in a city, so I will ask you a question. Do you know of a bordello which employs Korean women?" asked Captain Sobong. The officer paused a bit and made a strange motion with his hand. Captain Sobong recognized the movement, having anticipated the corruption level of China. He placed a Chinese bill in his hand. "Yes, there is one," replied the officer. "Go down this street until that curved building on the right. Turn right there and go maybe two kilometers and you will see a blue and green building which has what you want." "Thank you very much, officer," finished Captain Sobong. As they walked away, Captain Sobong spoke softly to Sergeant Yeong, "In Busan, that corrupt behavior would never be tolerated." "In Chongjin, that behavior would be normal," answered Sergeant Yeong with a smile. "Let's take a walk and see if we can determine the opening hours of the bordello," said Captain Sobong. * * * * * Lieutenant Nam was walking along with the two girls when she spotted two boys even younger than the girls. Both boys were pathetically thin and looked as if a slight breeze would topple them over. They were unsuccessfully begging for money or food. "Hello, my name is Lieutenant Nam Tae-yeon. How old are you?" The taller boy slowly turned to her. "I am five." His companion said nothing and just looked at her with lifeless eyes. "I am taking these two girls to get some food at one of the kiosks. Please come with us. You need some food now," cajoled Lieutenant Nam. The two boys listlessly followed the three of them. * * * * * General Terry had never been so busy in his life. His command had become the de facto logistics coordinator, as both the South Korea government and General Grant were too busy with the never-ending refugee tasks. Pyongyang's airport could never handle the extreme traffic which the many ground efforts required. And given how poor the airport's infrastructure had become over the years, he really did not dare to send planes after dark, as the lights and signaling equipment were unsafe. Seoul's Inchon airport was perhaps the best in the world, but the designers had never anticipated the current number of flights departing from and arriving on the Korean peninsula. And he could not monopolize Seoul's airport because shipments from South Korean manufacturers still needed to depart for worldwide customers. The problem was that the countries of the world had other things, pressing matters, to worry about. Depression 2.0 was still in full swing, so no country could afford to solely designate their aircraft to send aid. Aid was coming in droves, but it was coming in from all points of the compass. General Terry sometimes ordered planes to land in Japan where his crews could consolidate, sort, and re-pack the contents. North Korea's railway system was pretty much a joke, with some routes taking days to travel what should have only taken hours. High-speed rail was a mirage. Therefore General Terry needed to plan how supplies were going to travel from an airport or port to where it was needed. Aid was also arriving in ships, though that had just begun because of the time required to sail from North America, Europe, and other places. He wondered if he should route everything to ports on the eastern coast of the Korea peninsula to avoid Chinese naval vessels, given that China had issued a proclamation that the entire South China Sea belonged to it alone; the East China Sea might be next. Unlike his friend General Grant, he planned to remain in his command for a long time to come. His telephone rang. "General, this is Colonel Jang. Have you made any progress on obtaining coal for the winter? Many North Koreans use wood in their stoves and they have essentially denuded the hillsides of trees as a result. I think some people will freeze to death if we do not stockpile coal for the coming winter." "Yes, Colonel, we have ships on the way from Canada, South Africa, Australia, Columbia, and the USA. One from Australia will arrive shortly, headed for the port of Najin. I think we will have no trouble supplying you with enough coal for the winter," replied General Terry. General Terry pondered on how the situation compared with supplying coal and supplies to Berlin during the Berlin Airlift. Sending it by sea was so much more efficient. "Also, General, I am worried about the many orphans and refugees temporarily housed in abandoned buildings. As you know, we are using these buildings until we can build proper housing, but that will require years. We are still desperately short of cots and blankets," continued Colonel Jang. "Unfortunately we outsourced the production of cots and blankets to China and other countries a long time ago. We have placed orders with manufacturers, paying them extra for top priority. I think we'll beat winter, but not by much," answered General Terry. "Thanks, General," concluded Colonel Jang. * * * * * Sergeants Chu Dong-ju and Paeng Keun-suk walked into the bordello right at opening time. "I am really horny!" loudly announced Sergeant Chu. "I am double-horny!" declared Sergeant Paeng. "We want to see your two youngest girls." A large man with a bulge under his right arm nodded ever so slightly and walked into the hallway behind the lobby. He barked commands and two teenaged girls, perhaps 13-years-old, slowly walked into the lobby. "They'll do fine," said Sergeant Paeng. "No time to waste, let's go!" The two sergeants and two girls walked into the hallway and then into a room with a divider in the middle. Sergeant Chu closed the door behind him. "We are not here for sex. We are going to get you out of here," declared Sergeant Paeng. The two girls looked at him. "You don't want sex?" asked one of them incredulously. Sergeant Paeng got right to business. "How many Korean girls work here, in total?" "Eleven," they both answered as one. "Are all of them in the building right now?" asked Sergeant Chu. The two girls nodded their heads. "We dodged a bullet there," said Sergeant Paeng. "The mission would have to be delayed if one of you was away." "I did not see any customers. Are any customers here now?" asked Sergeant Chu. The two girls shook their heads. "How many employees are in the building right now?" asked Sergeant Chu. "Four: three security and one manager," answered the second girl. Sergeant Paeng pulled his cellphone from his pocket and started texting: "come now, we're in room; 0 clients; 11 girls; 3 heavy, 1 fat." * * * * * Lieutenant Nam saw two more children, this time two girls who were not close in terms of age. As with the others, they were dressed in clothes which only ragamuffins would wear. "Hello, my name is Lieutenant Nam Tae-yeon. How old are you?" she asked the older girl. "I am twelve and my sister is six," she answered. "What happened to your parents?" queried Lieutenant Nam. "They just disappeared one day. Then someone came to our apartment and told us to leave. We have been living on the streets for many months now," she replied. "These four children and I are going to the kiosks to obtain some food. Come with us and you can have a good meal," insisted Lieutenant Nam. As they walked down the street, the 6-year-old girl moved close to Lieutenant Nam and grabbed her hand. * * * * * Captain Roh watched the Chinese farmer balance his load on his under-fed, over-worked donkey. His two young children walked behind. Even though the farmer was straining his muscles keeping the load on the donkey, Captain Roh noticed that he smiled at his children when they asked something. Captain Roh waited until they passed by a roadside cafe before approaching. "Excuse me sir, my name is Roh Sok-yong. I work for the North Korean government, in child welfare. We have been investigating cases of child abandonment and abuse of half-and-half children. However, I could not help but notice that your relationship with your children is good. The boy, he is 100% Chinese while the girl is half-Korean, correct?" asked Captain Roh. "You have an eye for detail, sir. Yes, my son, Shen'en, is Chinese by my first wife who died in childbirth. My daughter, Yunxiang, is half-Korean by my second wife who left us," replied Diao Shaojie. "Please, sir, I would like to buy you and your children lunch at this cafe," offered Captain Roh. "Since we are so poor, I will accept. My children are very hungry," answered Diao as he gave a little bow. "My name is Diao Shaojie." Captain Roh ordered food for the four of them while Diao tied his donkey to a fence. The children looked at him with wide eyes. "They will be attending school soon, yes?" asked Captain Roh. Diao sighed. "Yes, Shen'en will start school in the next session, but I do not know what I will do with Yunxiang. I cannot afford the hukou and the bribes that go along with convincing the bureaucrats that a second child should attend school the same as the first. Our stupid one-child policy is so restrictive. She will grow up as an uneducated peasant and never be able to meet her full potential," railed Diao. "Is your donkey your only large animal?" asked Captain Roh. "Yes. And I wish I could afford another one. A tractor would be a gift from heaven, but I am not holding my breath," answered Diao. "I hope I am not being too personal, but what happened to your Korean wife?" queried Captain Roh. "Since you are paying for lunch, I guess you can be a little personal," chuckled Diao. "I met Lee Wen-di through a broker. She was not terribly considerate, but as you can see I am not a looker so I married her immediately. One year after Yunxiang was born, she disappeared. I later heard that she had moved to South Korea. I took every last bit of money we had and traveled to South Korea. I thought she would be happy to see us and we would be a family again. But she had already found another man, one with a good job. She icily told us that she never wanted to see any of us again. I was glad that Yunxiang was too young to understand how her mother rejected her like that. We moved back here, but now we are living from day-to-day because I have no savings," admitted Diao. * * * * * Talvela, Lieutenant Song, and Major Seo had arrived at the Imperial Palace in Tokyo, the residence of the Japanese Emperor. "Now let me do the talking. We do not want to insult him," Major Seo insisted. As Major Seo walked into the building first, Talvela looked at Lieutenant Song and winked. She looked at him and mouthed, "Don't you dare!" "Your Imperial Majesty, my name is Major Seo Sun-kyu. This is Christian Talvela and Lieutenant Song Han-na," began Major Seo. They all bowed. "There was a famous boxer in my country named Jack Dempsey. He was casual even for an American, but he also had a poor memory for the names of people. When he could remember someone's name, he would address them, 'Hiya, so-and-so,' but usually he would simply say, 'Hiya, pal,'" started Talvela. Major Seo's eyes were as wide as saucers. "It's an apocryphal story, but one day he met a king of a European country," continued Talvela. "This would have been in the first half of the twentieth century. Upon meeting the king, he said with his usual flair, 'Hiya, king.' So in the spirit of Jack Dempsey, I say to you, 'Hiya, emperor!'" The Japanese Emperor chuckled. * * * * * Lieutenant Nam and her six charges came upon four pre-teen boys begging for food. "What happened to your leg?" she asked one of them. "I tried to climb aboard a moving freight train and slipped. The train wheels cut my leg off. If my friends hadn't immediately applied a tourniquet, I would have bled to death," replied the boy. "Where did you learn how to properly use a tourniquet?" asked Lieutenant Nam of the other boys. "My parents were both medical professionals. Before they were arrested and taken away, they explained first aid to me," revealed one of the boys. "I am taking these children to get something to eat. Come with us," implored Lieutenant Nam. The four boys walked behind the group, with the disabled boy using a crutch cobbled together from scraps of wood. * * * * * The commandos parked their bus and walked to the bordello. Captain Sobong started giving orders. "Sergeant Yeong, you and I will schmooze with the management and pretend to be lushes taking a break from our hard life as Korean businessmen. Corporals Eom and Im, you will be the primary sprayers. Corporals Jeo and Corporal Pan, you will be in reserve for surprises. We will refer to each other as Mister Yeong, Mister Sobong, and so on. Remember, big smiles on everyone! We are sleazy businessmen who want to sleep with Korean girls. Play your part," explained Captain Sobong. As they entered the nightclub, they were met by a large man with a bulge under his right arm. Corporals Eom and Im paid close attention to him. He was obviously a member of their security team, as he did not say a word or smile. A second man, fat with a false smile, walked up to the men. "Welcome to our happy club! I am sure we will make you very happy," he declared in a slimy sort of way. "My friends and I would like to party with Korean girls," said Captain Sobong much louder than necessary. In their room, Sergeants Chu and Paeng and the two girls stood up. "That's what we do best," said the fat man. "We would like to see the girls now, please," said Captain Sobong. "I would like to see all of your girls. Maybe I will party with two of them!" added Sergeant Yeong with a big smile. "Of course. We have eleven girls, but two are busy right now," replied the fat man. He motioned to the security guard to bring the girls out for display. Nine sad-looking, young Korean women walked out slowly. They stood there looking at the floor. The security guard walked behind the bar. Captain Sobong noticed that every girl looked like a doll, with heavy black mascara and eyeliner, over-the-top rouge, ruby red lipstick, garishly electric blue finger and toe nail polish, and thick concealer to hide the circles under their eyes from long days. The youngest was probably 15-years-old. "I would like a drink," said Sergeant Yeong. "Mister Eom, please join me." "Mister Im, please bring the money bag over here," said Captain Sobong. Captain Sobong and Sergeant Yeong looked at each other. Captain Sobong nodded ever so slightly. Captain Sobong gently squeezed the arm of Corporal Im and Sergeant Yeong gently squeezed the arm of Corporal Eom. "Now!" shouted Captain Sobong. Corporals Eom and Im reached into their bags and brought out their pepper spray bottles. In one smooth, fluid motion, they brought them level with the eyes of the two Chinese men and started spraying. The security guard did not even look up until the gas was upon him. He doubled up with his hands over his face. Sergeant Yeong and Corporal Eom removed the pistol from under his arm and laid it on the floor in the far corner of the room. The fat man saw the attack coming, but he was so fat and slow that he could not raise his hands before the gas enveloped him. He doubled up just like his employee. Two other security men walked quickly into the lobby from the other end of the hallway after hearing the commotion. Sergeants Chu and Paeng opened the door of their room as quietly as they could and walked behind the two security men. "I'll bet my gun is bigger than yours," said Sergeant Paeng. The two security men turned around in surprise, not realizing that anyone was behind them. Sergeants Chu and Paeng sprayed them heavily in the face with their pepper spray. As the two men doubled over, the two sergeants removed their pistols from their holsters. "We are Korean commandos, North and South! We will take you back home! If you have any valuables, run to your rooms and retrieve them! We must leave immediately!" ordered Captain Sobong, addressing the women. The girls ran to their rooms as ordered, grabbed what little possessions they had, and ran back to the lobby. Sergeants Chu and Paeng followed them, looking through all of the rooms to make sure they left no one behind. They threw the two pistols onto one of the beds. Corporals Eom and Im opened their bags again and brought out cheap dresses and makeup remover pads for the girls. "They aren't couture, but they will make you look like typical girls," instructed Captain Sobong. "Just throw them on over your clothes. And try to remove some of that gaudy makeup." Sergeant Yeong brought out his satellite telephone. "Departing now!" he told the driver of their bus. Corporals Jeo and Pan opened the door and cautiously peered out, looking for policemen or anyone else who could cause them trouble, but the only people in the street were children playing a game. They exited the building, followed by Sergeant Yeong, Sergeants Chu and Paeng, the eleven girls, Corporals Eom and Im, and finally Captain Sobong. They walked down the street towards their bus. They boarded it and rode it out of the city. * * * * * "Major, you really need to see this," said Sergeant Ju. Major Suk walked to the car which had been stopped on the approach to the bridge. He could see that the driver was the mayor of Pyongyang, Bling Ka-ching. Their car was filled to the roof with loot, so much so that the tires were sagging. The soldiers had already started to empty it and had discovered gold coins, bottles of expensive French wine, a small box of diamonds, Rolex watches, boxes of Cuban cigars, a large box of euros and dollars, Chanel stockings, and cases of perfume. Many of the items had come from Bling's stores in Pyongyang which offered luxury goods to the elite. His star had risen dramatically after the death of Kim Gour-met, who had once sentenced him to house arrest for almost two years for trying to gain too much power for himself. "Just like rats leaving a sinking ship," thought Major Suk. "Major, this one's not quite as good as the last car, right?" asked Sergeant Ju. Major Suk chuckled. "You mean, you liked the car with the spheres of plutonium in it better?" Copyright 2020 Pete Prunskunas - All rights reserved. Kim Half-thatch woke up in a cold sweat as he had every night since he had been dethroned. The nightmare was always the same.
A pale horse walked toward him, carrying his grandfather. In his hand was a blood-red sword. The horse's skin was on fire. Then the rider morphed into his father. In his hand was a glass full of red wine. The flames disappeared, only to reveal an animal with sickeningly protruding ribs. The horse was mere skin and bone. Finally the rider became him. In his hand was the severed head, dripping blood, of a former pop-singer girlfriend. The horse's skin disappeared entirely, with the horse consisting only of a skeleton Then the skeleton collapsed. As the bones fell to the ground, they were transformed into wood. As he fell following the wooden bones, they formed themselves into a structure and he found himself lying on top of it. A glistening liquid was poured on the wooden bones by apparitions garbed in white robes. A match was lit and the structure set ablaze. As the flames licked at his corpulent body, ghosts from the past started to appear. First came the millions killed in the Korean War. They swirled around him, accusing him of murdering them in the name of some cult of personality nonsense. They accused him of being responsible for making the decision to invade the South in a vanity-inspired attempt to reunify the peninsula under his sadistic leadership. He tried to cry out -- "But it was my grandfather who did that!" -- but he could not speak. The apparitions marched back and forth across his body, simulating the times that the cities were occupied and then re-occupied by the opposing forces. Next came the millions of people who died of starvation in the 1990s. These ghosts were composed largely of children, mere waifs, who wailed that they died because he built a skyscraper that reached to the sky, with the money for this building being diverted from money needed for basic foodstuffs. He wanted to cry out -- "But that was my grandfather and father's doing!" -- but he was unable to utter a sound. The apparitions threw balls of fire at him, with the fireballs shrieking the words "Sunshine Policy" as they raced toward him. Last came the ghosts of people who died in the many labor camps, starved to death because the food intended for them was diverted by the military and elites for black market activities, or were executed simply for trying to escape from their East Asian purgatory. Their mouths were filled with grass because that was all they could find to eat. Kim thought to himself that his grandfather created those camps and dreamed up the philosophy of treating people as badly as Japan, the occupier of Korea for decades, did during WWII, with his father continuing those policies. He wondered why the ghosts did not accuse him of killing them because he shared responsibility for that horror by not reversing the policies he inherited. Then the fire beneath him became fireworks, with rockets flying into the air and exploding in every conceivable color. At this point, he was launched into space. He rocketed into the air, but gravity started slowing him down. Just as he reached the apex of his trajectory, he exploded into a million pieces. This is when he always woke up. He went into the kitchen of the apartment to get a glass of water. This was not the accommodation to which he had become accustomed, the park filled with large mansions, water slides, and every imaginable luxury, in the forest north of Pyongyang. This was a plain apartment with no luxuries whatsoever. And all they gave him to eat was rice, nothing like the lobster, crab, and French wine which was always served in his father's, and then his house. He went back to sleep. * * * * * The handmade sign was wired to the bars: "Do not feed the animal!" "Didn't this used to be the monkey enclosure?" asked one child of her friend. "Yes, but the monkeys disappeared a long time ago. I think the Kim family ate all of the animals in the zoo," answered her friend. "It's funny how he is too tall for the cage. He cannot even stand up completely," continued the first. "Hooh, hooh, hooh, hooh!" they both shouted as they slumped over and brought their arms up and down, simulating how a monkey walks. Two painfully thin adults stood behind the children. One of them asked, "Did you bring it?" "Yes, of course," said the other as she produced a small snake from her bag. "Here's your lunch, Brobdingnagian," she said in broken English as she threw the snake between the bars. Brobdingnagian grabbed the snake, bit its head off, and wolfed the body down. He had not eaten in days and did not know when he would see another meal. "How long do you think it will be before he gets the runs from the parasites in uncooked wild snakes?" asked the first adult. "Everyone I know developed diarrhea within hours. Now this animal will know how we were forced to live in the camps," replied the second adult. "I'm an American citizen!" he cried. "I deserve better! Where's my friend, the Radiant Marshal? He'll get me out of here, I'm sure," pleaded Brobdingnagian. The children and adults laughed. * * * * * Major Suk and Sergeant Ju watched with satisfaction at the other side of the Amnok river as the Chinese tanks and trucks continued their departure. "My orders were clear: China was not to cross the bridge under any circumstances. If necessary, the bridge was to be disabled via explosives. China's action would be a bridge too far," said Major Suk. "China would then have rapidly moved east to secure the port of Najin, a true ice-free port unlike Russia's Vladivostok just to the north and one essential for China's international commerce, dividing the country once again." "Major, it appears that China took the hint that it would not be allowed to interfere," offered Sergeant Ju. "Sergeant, the Chinese forces will never know that hand-held surface-to-ground missiles had been moved to the border as a precautionary measure. If China had attempted to occupy North Korea with helicopter-based troops to prevent South Korea and especially the USA from moving north of the DMZ, there would have been a bloodbath, with most of the blood being Chinese," touted Major Suk. * * * * * Lieutenant Kok Mu-hwan was going to sit outside all day today. He had been captured in the Korean War. At first, he was held in a POW camp with all of the other UN troops, but then for reasons he did not know, he was transferred to a different camp along with other South Koreans and some Americans. He spent a few years in this camp before being transferred again. No one told him, but it was obvious that the new camp was in the Soviet Union. He was interrogated daily, but mainly he was being worked to death. Rations were minimal and disgusting, often containing live insects. His fellow prisoners died in large numbers. That's the problem when a war ends in a cease fire, he thought, with the evil side not being occupied. He tried to keep track of time, but his captors were adept at transferring him from time to time to a different cell, and they almost always found his notes. He estimated that he stayed in the Soviet camps for five years. Then he was transferred again, back to North Korea. None of the Americans were transferred with him, though he honestly wasn't sure if that was because the Soviets had killed all of them through torture and neglect, something they appeared to specialize in. Not long after his transfer back to North Korea, he was assigned a temporary wife. One day his captors marched him into a squalid room and pushed a North Korean woman into the room. The guards sneered at him, said, "Make us another slave," and closed the door behind them. He was much luckier than his fellow captives, as his companion, Ong Su-bin, was fairly good looking. She was a member of the songbun-hostile class -- North Koreans were divided by the founder of the country into three classes, core, wavering, and hostile -- which meant that she essentially had no rights whatsoever. Songbun-core people, 25% of the population, were the Kim family sycophants who occupied Pyongyang. Songbun-wavering people, 55% of the population, could go either way, but sometimes ended up in prison camps. Songbun-hostile people, 20% of the population, were the lowest of the low, with entire extended families often being sent to prison camps because of an alleged crime that one family member committed. She was in the prison camps because her cousin defected to South Korea. He was lucky in another respect; she did not become pregnant right away, so they could continue having sex. When she finally became pregnant, they were permanently separated. Lieutenant Kok sometimes saw her in the mess hall, but he never had time to speak with her. She had a boy named Min-kyu. She only lived for six months after the birth of Min-kyu. Lieutenant Kok was never told the official cause of death, but he was sure she had been raped by one or more of the guards and then killed to prevent her from telling anyone of the assault. Pretty young women like her often died for no apparent reason in the camps. Sometimes Lieutenant Kok could steal a few minutes to be with his son, but mostly Min-kyu was an orphan in the camp. Lieutenant Kok sometimes saw him scrounging for food with the other orphans, picking stray grains and corn kernels out of animal manure. Just before he became a teenager, he was taken by the guards, never to be seen again. Lieutenant Kok was never told what happened to him. He hoped Min-kyu was living the good life somewhere, but that was unlikely. So he continued to work every day until he could work no more. A few days ago, he no longer had the strength to work, and so his captors discontinued his meager rations. He was very weak now and was sure he would not last much longer. He would sit outside today as much as he could, think of the good times he had with Su-bin and Min-kyu, and wait for the end. * * * * * As Kyung Hi-lee left the shower area of the refugee tent, she saw a sign reading, "Attention: all parents who were forced to leave their children in China, please register here." She had never forgotten about her two children, one boy and one girl, who she was forced to leave behind when Chinese policemen arrested her. She had left North Korea because she was starving and ended up marrying a Chinese farmer who was cruel to her. She did not know if the policemen found her because she made a mistake or because her husband wanted to trade her in for someone better looking. She quickly walked to the registration desk to start the process. * * * * * Lieutenant Ryu Ji-hoom was the daughter of Korean Christian missionaries who had worked in China. They were an integral part of the Korean Underground Railway, bringing North Koreans to South Korea or the USA. Both had served a year in a Chinese prison and were then permanently banned from China, preventing them from personally taking part in any more rescues. They had to settle for fund-raising and coordination based in Seoul. They could not understand the attitude of previous presidents who operated under the "Sunshine Policy" -- a policy of giving large amounts of money and aid without conditions -- which was promoted as the way towards peace, but in reality was quite the opposite. The two administrations often refused to accept North Korean refugees at their consulates, causing many Koreans to dub the ten years of the two presidents as the "lost decade" in terms of Korean human rights. The current president was a member of the conservative party and immediately changed the policy, ordering his diplomats to accept all North Korean refugees. * * * * * Captain Sobong Ye-jun was a legend in the South Korean military for the way he led his troops onto a ship which had been hijacked by Somali pirates and retook the ship, with no casualties to his men or the hostages. The Somalis had not done as well, he was not sorry to say, with all but three dying on the ship in a hail of gunfire. He believed in leading from the front and suffered a bullet wound to his ear as a result, essentially ending his commando career because he could no longer determine the direction of sounds. Up until a few days ago, he had been working in a planning position, fighting from a desk. He was told to report to Colonel Jang for an assignment. He eagerly looked forward to another shot at glory. * * * * * Lieutenant Ryu and Lieutenant Choi's names were announced by Colonel Jang. Both of them walked to his desk and stood in front of it. "Lieutenant Ryu, Lieutenant Choi, you will work together on this mission. Neither one of you will be in charge; you will come to a consensus on all decisions. Northerners and Southerners need to learn to work together and this is as good as any place to start. You will travel to an unofficial orphanage in China -- by unofficial, I mean it is someone's house where they look after abandoned children -- and find the two children of Kyung Hi-lee. Where is she? Kyung Hi-lee, come here, please. Of course, you will all travel in civilian clothes like ordinary businesswomen," explained Colonel Jang. * * * * * Lieutenant Song wasn't accustomed to making breakfast for four people. Actually she rarely made breakfast at all because she always just grabbed a quick bite and went to work. She needed something from the fridge, so she turned around, opened the door, retrieved the item, and closed the door, only to jump back a little in mild shock as she did so. Standing in front of her were two little girls with nylon stockings over their heads, making them look like junior bank robbers. "I see you are teaching them something besides English," she called out to the next room. A man's head appeared just to the side of the door jamb. His head was also covered in a nylon stocking. "Who knows what evil lurks in the hearts of men ... or little girls?" rhetorically asked Talvela. Lieutenant Song shook her head from side to side. She bent down to the girls and said "I cannot tell which of you is Tan-na and which is Kan-na." The two girls giggled and ran back to the room where Talvela was waiting. Strange noises erupted from the room as the three of them continued playing their game. "Those had better not be my new stockings!" * * * * * "Captain Sobong Ye-jun, please come here," requested Colonel Jang. "You will be in command of this group of commandos, a mix of Northerners and Southerners. You will travel to China as civilians and rescue a group of perhaps a dozen women who were tricked into working as prostitutes. You will not be assigned firearms because if you are found with them, you could be accused of being spies. You will be given pepper spray bottles to use if you find it necessary to silently incapacitate someone. Your team is quite experienced in Hapkido and Taekwondo and you are welcome to use these talents. After you rescue the women, you will give them new passports and identities so that they can leave China without mishap. The process for obtaining new passports will be explained on the bus," he explained. "Colonel, if we run into trouble, is it possible for us to divert to a South Korean embassy," asked Captain Sobong. "Only in a true emergency. China has turned the entrances for all Western and Asian embassies and consulates into gauntlets, with barbed wire and other impediments. There are multiple passport checks manned by Chinese policemen. I think it will be safer if you return here in one of our buses. Think about the cover story for the women; perhaps they could be entertainers. It is not so important if the Chinese border police suspect that the women are former prostitutes because their passports will check out. China has always had a policy of one hand winking at the other hand, so I suspect that everything will go well as long as we do not splash the truth onto their faces," concluded Colonel Jang. "Good luck and good hunting." * * * * * Lieutenant Nam Tae-yeon had not been the best student in South Korea. She had the worst scores in her officer training classes. She now regretted going that route because her talents and chosen profession were clearly disparate. Now she was not at all sure she was in her assigned town in the North. She found the road signs a bit confusing. She finally parked her government SUV and walked to the center of town. If this wasn't her assigned town, she thought, she'd at least make the best of it. At first she thought it was only a pile of trash. But as she got closer, she was that it was actually two girls sitting close together. Their clothes were dirty, tattered, and full of holes. Their faces and hands were dirty, with some spots darker than others. "Hello, my name is Lieutenant Nam Tae-yeon. I am curious as to what you girls are doing." "We are finding lice and removing them from each other. It is not so easy for us to do it ourselves, but it is easy to do it to each other," answered the first girl. "How old are you?" asked Lieutenant Nam. "I am ten and my friend is nine," replied the second girl. "Where are your parents?" asked Lieutenant Nam. "We are both orphans. Our parents were executed by the government," replied the second girl. "Come with me, please. I will take you to have a good meal," implored Lieutenant Nam. The first girl looked at her friend. "Do you think we should go with her?" "It couldn't be any worse than what we are doing here," replied the second girl. * * * * * Their destination was in sight, an apartment block which looked like all of the other ones, gray and dull. They knew the flat number. All of their mouths were dry in anticipation, especially that of Kyung. A man walked up to them. "Excuse me, my name is Zhao Yun-fat. I was told that you are businesswomen looking for opportunities," offered Zhao. "Yes, it is true. However, we must be careful when discussing our line of business. Competition is fierce and we intend to be the first ones to release our products," countered Lieutenant Ryu. "Our city offers much in the way of opportunity and hard-working people. Please, I insist, you must come with me for lunch with our mayor. We have much to offer Korean businesspeople," concluded Zhao. "It would be impolite to refuse," said Lieutenant Choi. The three women looked at each other with a mixture of amusement and annoyance. They would have to wait a little longer. * * * * * "Colonel Jang, please give me an assignment to rescue children in China. My job is in intelligence, keeping track of Chinese military units. I speak fluent Mandarin and have traveled to China many times. I know I was not in the group of officers which executed the coup against the selfish Kim family, but I am perfect for the job," pleaded Captain Roh Sok-yong. "Yes, we can always use Mandarin speakers," replied Colonel Jang with a smile. "We will use you in your current capacity, in intelligence. Since you will be by yourself, you are not authorized to do anything other than observation. You will contact me when you discover a situation which requires intervention. Is that clear?" "Yes, Colonel, thank you!" * * * * * "Major, take a look at this car," implored Sergeant Ju, indicating a car which was waiting to enter North Korea from China. Major Suk walked over to the late-model Hyundai. "Why does it have cameras on the roof?" asked Sergeant Ju. "I was warned about this. It's a Google Maps car. Google thinks it's entitled to take imagery of the country and display it, accompanied by Google ads, so Google can make a killing via people wanting to vicariously visit North Korea," answered Major Suk. Major Suk walked to the driver's side of the car. "You will not be allowed to enter the country. Turn around and go back," ordered Major Suk. Copyright 2020 Pete Prunskunas - All rights reserved. Colonel Jang Yong-Suk was in his element at last.
Up until a few days ago, he was still only a major. And he was a major only because his friend and classmate, Kim Yu-shin, interceded on his behalf, giving him a promotion from captain. North Korean authorities never knew what to make of him. He had a true photographic memory and was a whiz at logistics. However, he never could bring himself to immerse himself in the cruelty that was required of all officers. His personnel record was filled with negative remarks, sometimes ending with "Not suitable for command." That was all in the past. He was now the official minister of refugees. He had already memorized the lists of people deported from China and the lists of people executed during the past 40 years. Now it was his job to make the assignments to bring home the hundreds of thousands of Korean refugees living in China. * * * * * Talvela and Lieutenant Song were walking through the camp. They came upon a recently abandoned building. "This is where pigeon torture was carried out, where the wrists of victims were tied behind them to a bar situated about 1/2 of the height of an adult, forcing the victim to endure in a crouched position, being unable to sit or stand for hours at a time. Other victims had been forced to stand in poses that one could normally only tolerate for a matter of minutes, with severe beatings following lapses," she explained. He looked inside but stayed in the sunlight. "Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there, wondering, fearing," he pondered aloud. Lieutenant Choi walked over to them. "Sergeant Paek told me that you wanted to see me." "I have an idea concerning the buildup of Chinese vehicles on the border," said Talvela. * * * * * General Grant called his friend Alfred Terry, commander of US forces in Japan. "Al, I need you to make most of the Asians in your command unhappy. Please have all commissaries in Japan gather up all brown rice and canned tuna. Use any discretionary funds to buy more rice. Send it to me as soon as you can," said General Grant. "So the announcement is on the level? North Korea really has replaced the Kim family?" asked General Terry. "It seems so. The American who made the video announcement called me. We discussed his plan and I think he's got a good one. We will also need any spare tents, cots, and medical supplies, as well as all the medical personnel you can spare. Think in terms of the humanitarian disaster we had in the Nazi death camps," explained General Grant. "I'll have something for you by later today. Keep me informed, okay?" asked General Terry. "Roger that." “Get in touch with Doctors Without Borders,” ordered General Grant, speaking to an aide. He dialed the duty officer at the White House. * * * * * The two little girls looked like something out of a Charles Dickens novel. It was not obvious at first because of their dirty faces, tattered clothing, and ratty hair, but they were twins: Tan-na and Kan-na "I found them hiding in some bushes," said Major Seo. "I asked them where their parents were and they told me that they were orphans." Lieutenant Song bent down and asked them, "Where are your parents?" "They are dead," both replied at once as only twins can do. "How did they die?" asked Lieutenant Song knowing full well that she did not want to hear the answer. "They were killed because they stole food to feed us," explained Tan-na. Major Seo had also brought the camp commander, Moon Dung-me who had been captured alive. Talvela saw the growing look of sheer hatred on Lieutenant Song's face and he jumped in. "Why were these girls left to fend for themselves in the camp?" he demanded. Moon was unapologetic. "Their parents were enemies of the state! Their children are therefore also enemies of the state! They got what they deserved!" Talvela began speaking in a cold fury. "When professionals hang someone, they place the proper amount of weight on the person's legs so that his neck is broken quickly. But when amateurs like us hang someone, the results are never pretty. Sometimes amateurs place too much weight on the legs. When that happens, the head pops off just like on a Pez dispenser. When we hang you, I will make sure no weight is placed on your legs. Your neck will not break. You will flop around at the end of your rope like a fish on a hook. Why, I bet it will take a full minute for you to choke to death." Talvela leaned in close to his face, "And I bet that minute seems like an hour." Moon's eyes were as big as saucers. Talvela bent down in front of the girls and told them, "We will take care of you until we find you a good home, okay?" Both girls nodded in unison. Talvela turned to Major Seo. "Do you know if the camp has any clean clothes in their size?" he asked. "We have new clothes in the storeroom nearest my office!" Moon blurted out, almost in a panic. Talvela looked at him and said: "Perhaps there is hope for you yet. But the day is not yet finished." Moon shivered. Kan-na said something too softly for Talvela to hear. He bent down and asked her to repeat it. "We were really scared sleeping in the bushes all alone last night. Wild animals sniffed us like they wanted to eat us," whispered Kan-na. Tan-na continued the thought. "Our father always sang us a song when we were frightened. Will you sing us a song?" "Not me; North Korea has renounced the use of torture," whispered Talvela to Lieutenant Song. Lieutenant Song gave him a sad smile, turned toward the twins, and said, "I will sing you a lullaby I learned in the orphanage." * * * * * "Look, South Korean soap operas!" declared one North Korean teenager as she played with her smart phone which had previously only displayed insipid, jingoistic DPRK programming. They were sitting outside the fence surrounding the Swiss embassy, near a sign which advertised free Wi-Fi and noted the channel. "So cool!" answered her friend. * * * * * Talvela, Lieutenant Song, Lieutenant Choi, and Sergeant Paek were standing near the Sino-Korean Friendship Bridge connecting North Korea and China. "Okay, it's a simple concept. China is probably just gathering vehicles just in case, but we can portray it as a Chinese military intervention, that Chinese military forces will cross the bridge at any moment," began Talvela. "Han-na, we need a slogan with a good rhythm, like: Lenin, Stalin, Mao, Pol Pot; intimidation and propaganda are all we got," offered Talvela. Lieutenant Song smiled and shook her head. "So, does this work in Korean? North, South, it's all the same; the Korean peninsula belongs to us alone!" he chanted. "Not literally, but if I phrase it differently, it will have a rhythm," answered Lieutenant Song. "Sung-hui, let's say it together." "North, South, it's all the same, the Korean peninsula belongs to us alone!" they both chanted in unison. "Yes, it has a certain quality," offered Lieutenant Choi. "Not bad at all." "Okay, you guys, let's get rolling. I want to go live with this. Let's start with a pan of the bridge showing the Chinese vehicles on the other side. Then we'll go to a close-up of the two lieutenants chanting," directed Talvela to the assembled group including the television crew. "You guys?" mouthed Lieutenant Choi. * * * * * "Mi-ja, is that you?" asked Colonel Ko, speaking into his satellite phone. "There appears to be quite a bit of crowd noise there." "Father? FATHER?" shouted Mi-ja. She ran into the entrance of a nearby restaurant while waving at her brother, Yun-bok. "It's father!" "Yes, father, I'm in Seoul with Yun-bok in the middle of a protest. Is mother there?" she asked. "No, she is not here with me. What do you mean, protest?" asked Colonel Ko. "Two female lieutenants, from both Koreas, were on television. The camera footage showed Chinese military units staging to cross the Amnok and invade the North. Many of us are here, ditching school or whatever. I have seen groups of people dressed in company uniforms. They chanted this great slogan, 'North, South, it's all the same, the Korean peninsula belongs to us alone!' We're doing the same thing here. The noise is much louder than any sports event I've attended," explained Mi-ja. "But Yun-bok and I would like some answers. The last we saw you, you told us that we had to leave North Korea immediately. You never told us why. Your plans for us worked out perfectly, but we never knew what happened to you and mother," continued Mi-ja. "Your mother's idiot brother got caught reselling military hardware. I was given a call by one of my friends that his family and friends would be arrested, even me, a colonel. I had to make some fast decisions. Your mother's health was not good and she refused to leave the country. I refused to leave her, so the next best thing was to arrange for you and Yun-bok to leave immediately. I used both my influence and bribes to ensure that you two could get into and through China. Some ethnic Koreans met you after you crossed the river, correct?" asked Colonel Ko. "Yes, and then we traveled to Beijing. Those Koreans were worth their weight in gold. They arranged for a diversion, fake violence outside the South Korean embassy, and when the Chinese guards left their posts, we ran into the embassy. There was a small group of us and we all made it," continued Mija. "Oh, good. I ended up in a labor camp and never heard what happened. I had to make many calls to find you in Seoul," said Colonel Ko. "But what about mother? Was she put in the camp too? Where is she?" implored Mi-ja. "I wish I was there to tell you in person," started Colonel Ko. "Remember I took you and Yun-bok to the guard station and bid you farewell, with your mother staying home because she said she was feeling unwell. When I returned home, I found a note from her. She had ... hanged herself because she felt she could not handle the camp." "No, no, NO!" shrieked Mi-ja. "I'm sorry. She must have hanged herself soon after I left because she was long past help when I found her. I was arrested shortly thereafter and never even had the chance to bury her," explained Colonel Ko. * * * * * "I was quite worried that the artillery units would not be immediately subdued. There were 10,000-20,000 artillery units within range of Seoul, right?" asked Talvela. "Yes, but that was not the worst thing. There were many chemical munitions as well as high explosive ones," explained Colonel Chun. "And then there would have been a deadly stampede of people trying to escape the city," added Lieutenant Song. "It would have been death and destruction on an industrial scale," observed Colonel Chun. "By the way, did you come up with the 'We are one people' signs idea or did you borrow the idea from somewhere else?" "The latter. Posters with that sentiment appeared in reunified Germany right after the fall of the Berlin Wall. Their signs read 'Wir sind ein Volk,' we are one people, or 'Wir sind das Volk,' we are the people, the latter of which was similar to 'We are the 99%' from Occupy America," answered Talvela. "Christian, did you notice the other signs?" asked Lieutenant Song. "No, Han-na, what did they say?" asked Talvela. "They really got in the spirit of it all. One sign I saw read 'Food for Korean children.' Another read 'North + South = Korea' -- must have been an engineer," joked Lieutenant Song. Talvela smiled and looked at her for more than a few seconds. She returned the glance and continued smiling. "Everyone got in the spirit. At first I was very worried about the paltry number of officers we had, but new officers joined in very quickly. I really think all we needed was the spark and an unquenchable bonfire resulted," declared Colonel Chun. Lieutenant Song glanced at a television. "Holy cow, look at that! The streets of Seoul are jammed with people! I've never seen it like that, not even during the run-up to the impeachment!" "The announcer said before you arrived that there are probably two million people protesting. Traffic is at a standstill. Colleges canceled class for the day and asked all students to protest in front of the Chinese and Russian embassies, but most people never even get close. The mayor ordered all aircraft to avoid flying over the huge crowds just in case one of them loses power," explained Colonel Chun. "Most of the time the crowd chants what you said before." The two lieutenants looked at each other in amazement. * * * * * "Doesn't anyone want to go home?" asked Colonel Ko, back in Camp 22. "I've never been able to eat so much in my life," said one former prisoner of the labor camp. "Why leave now?" "Unlimited rice, tuna, vegetables, chicken, and beef! I think I'll stay here for a year and fatten up," added another. "Besides, I've got no home to go to. My apartment was given to someone else," said another. "I saw how the troops looked at our meal tables with more food than they had ever seen. And the military always had the best and most food! The war was over for them right then and there," added another. "Look, they're bringing boxes of Choco Pies! Yum, yum! Let's go!" shouted another, as a number of them headed for the food tents. * * * * * "Mr. Ambassador, I will make you a proposal. The Japanese government will decide whether to accept," stated Talvela. The Japanese ambassador to South Korea, Kichisaburo Nomura, said nothing. "At the signing of the peace treaty between the two Koreas, the Japanese Emperor will make a speech. This speech will begin by explaining how Japan invaded the Korean peninsula near the end of the 1800s. In 1910, Japan formally annexed Korea. But then Japan proceeded to wipe Korea and Korean culture off the map. Japan forbade the speaking and writing of the Korean language. He will announce that Japan forced perhaps as many as 200,000 women, 80% of them Korean, to be prostitutes for the Japanese army. Japan then added insult to injury by labeling them as 'comfort women' as if their being forced into prostitution was no big deal. He will apologize for the actions of the Japanese government at the time," declared Talvela. "Then Colonel Chun will accept the Emperor's apology. He will add that North Korea also perpetrated some terrible deeds, namely the kidnapping of ordinary Japanese civilians in order to facilitate language training for DPRK spies. He will announce that, starting immediately, teams of North Korean, South Korean, and Japanese officers will form to search for all living abductees. He will admit that he has no idea how many Japanese were kidnapped, but that the truth will be revealed via archive searches and interviews of relevant officials. He will conclude by apologizing for ruining the lives of abductees and their families," continued Talvela. "The alternative is that no Japanese are invited to the signing, with no mention of the abductees. If a reporter asks a question on the matter, we will simply mention that an offer was made to the Japanese government. Perhaps there will be a public uproar in Japan over this matter," concluded Talvela. "I will communicate your position to the government," replied Ambassador Nomura. * * * * * "General Grant, you are out of uniform," declared Talvela. "Who said anything about a general? I'm just Hiram Grant. I tell everyone to just say 'Hi, Hi' when they see me," joked General Grant. "Does anyone actually do that?" asked Talvela, smiling at the dumb joke. "Well, no. Everyone just looks at me like I've lost my mind," said General Grant. "Generals are not people to be trifled with, you know," chided Talvela. "But I won't be an active duty general for much longer now. I was able to put off my official retirement in exchange for taking leave of my position as commander of US forces in South Korea. Being able to run the refugee camp here is the best possible way to end my career," explained General Grant. "Were there any surprises, general?" asked Lieutenant Song. "Not really. The camp has three entrances: men, women, and small families. They are handed a Ziploc bag for their valuables. They strip and throw their ratty clothes into a trash bin. For women and girls, nurses give them a buzz-cut to ensure that lice remain behind. Then everyone takes a long, hot shower. We give them new clothes and give them a number for medical processing. We examine everyone for medical and dental problems. One thing that was not a surprise, but still plays havoc with our schedule is that almost everyone needs dental work. We do not have enough dentists to work everyone in, so the camp is quickly filling up with tens of thousands of people. We had to construct a few more tents for the overflow," continued General Grant. "And to be honest, I get the distinct impression that no one minds being in line for the dentist. That means they can continue to eat as much as they want. I am not sure if anyone has left yet. Food is becoming an issue. Al Terry, commander of US forces in Japan, sends me all the food he can, but holy cow, these people were starving. We might have to bring out the fire hoses to convince them to leave!" joked General Grant. "Christian, Han-na!" cried a squeaky voice behind them. Yoo Tok-ki almost knocked them down in her attempt to hug them. "It is so good to see you!" she declared. "Same here. Are you working here in the refugee camp?" asked Lieutenant Song. "Yes. When I heard that a refugee camp was being built, I traveled to the DMZ, stood in the roadway, and demanded that I be taken along," she said breathlessly. "She climbed onto the hood of my truck, so we had to take her with us. She rode in my truck along with my South Korean XO. Can't ignore enthusiasm like that!" beamed General Grant. * * * * * Lieutenant Song walked back to Talvela's hotel along with him. They walked past a row of televisions which were replaying his speech for the nth time: VIDEO STARTS: CHRISTIAN TALVELA: In 480 BC, 300 brave Spartans, along with other Greeks, held off an enormous invading army for one week. This heroic action convinced Greeks to forget their petty differences, banding together to defeat the enemy at the gate. Here in the north of this peninsula, events are already underway to eliminate a government which would have been familiar to slaves, peons, and serfs throughout history. A group of brave Korean military officers -- call them "The One Hundred" -- have taken control of the government and military. All weapons of mass destruction are under the direction of new management. The situation remains fluid, so we caution the leaders of China, Russia, and the USA to stay out of this; China's practice of using North Korea as a buffer zone between it and the West is now at an end. Any interference by outside countries may result in WWIII. We invite South Korean President Shon Joon-ho, along with representatives from China, Russia, the USA, and the United Nations, to travel to Panmunjom to sign a permanent peace treaty with the North. Our only condition involves the DMZ. We insist that it be converted into a permanent nature preserve with no future development allowed. A coast-to-coast hiking trail must be built including primitive stone huts for those who wish to stay overnight, absorb the new-found peace and tranquility, and admire the majestic red cranes. The DMZ always divided Koreans; from now on it will bring them together. Northerners: if you are given an order to fire on your fellow Koreans, make a wrong turn somewhere, become lost for a few hours, and wait for reunification fever to engulf your peninsula. Southerners: demand that your government immediately send food and aid to help eliminate the tension which has existed for over 60 years. Officials who delude themselves with thoughts of closing the border will be trampled, first by Koreans and then by history. Korean expatriates: emulate Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz; click your heels three times and repeat to yourself, there's no place like home. There's no place like home. To rebuild the shattered lives here, we need farmers, teachers, engineers, doctors, dentists, nurses, and public health workers. We do not need carpetbaggers, grifters, politicians, or religious nuts. We call on Doctors Without Borders to help us establish an out-processing center for the almost two hundred thousand souls, including entire extended families, involuntarily dwelling in the six major prison camps. President Shon Joon-ho -- launch your caravans of hope and family reconciliation. VIDEO ENDS: They were having such a nice conversation he almost didn't notice that she accompanied him all the way to the door of his room. Almost. "Han-na, don't you get enough of me during the day?" playfully asked Talvela as he inserted the key card into the lock and opened the door. She giggled, pushed him back gently, and shut the door behind her. Copyright 2020 Pete Prunskunas - All rights reserved. Colonel Chun called the first of the divisional army commanders, Dong Kee-tae, someone he had known for many years.
Divisions were the key to control of the military for two reasons. First, as is true in any military, they are the smallest unit capable of independent combat operations. And second, divisional commanders were the lowest ranking officer to be awarded a Mercedes automobile. In other words, they had real power and they had something to lose if they didn't join the revolution. "General Dong, as you saw on television, Kim Half-thatch and his aunt have been deposed. It is time to stop the insanity which has gone on for over 60 years. You and the other divisional commanders are the key to a new Korea. If you agree to go on television and declare your support for an end to mass starvation and deprivation, the other generals will fall in line behind you. Will you do it, sir?" asked Colonel Chun. * * * * * General Hiram "Ulysses S" Grant, commander of US forces in South Korea at Yongsan Garrison, Seoul, knew he was in his last days before retirement. He had recently made a comment to Canidae News which US President Supercilious Moffie found unacceptable: "Moderate Muslims? Listen, there are only three types of Muslims. The first category consists of the killers, the people who behead and explode suicide bombs. The second category, the largest one by far, consists of people who agree with the killers but don't have the balls to kill for themselves. And the third category consists of lapsed Muslims, those who have figured out that what they have been told is a crock. This third category includes the many women who are killed every year by their families because they wore Western clothing or dated non-Muslim men." As a result, he was already planning his retirement party. It seemed like both a million years and only yesterday since West Point. General Grant's nickname of "Ulysses S" was a bad joke stemming from his abstinence from alcohol, as the original Ulysses S. Grant took to alcohol like a fish to water. He thought it was amusing to go to the bar during official functions and call out in his booming voice, "Ginger ale, straight up!" The bartenders often thought he was a little weird. His telephone rang and he answered it. "General Grant, my name is Christian Talvela. I am the Westerner you just saw on North Korean television. You were watching, right?" he asked. "Yes, my South Korean aide suggested that I start watching just before the weather-girl came on. You people were keeping something from me," chided General Grant. "Sorry about that. If we told you, then you'd have had to tell Washington. I have a few requests," said Talvela. "Shoot," replied General Grant. As the truck crossed the border, Lieutenant Song noticed that there was a large, hand-painted sign. It was obvious that it was painted in a hurry. The sign read, "We are one people." Lieutenant Song made a mental note to ask Talvela if he had anything to do with that. She was sure he had. The truck stopped for only a minute, but the conversation between Talvela and General Grant did not miss a beat. Lieutenant Choi got in, with the convoy rumbling on to the north. Their convoy was only one of many headed for the major labor camps. The guards had already been eliminated before they could begin executing their prisoners, but the convoys still drove as fast as they could because food was a major issue. A few trucks diverted to Pyongyang, but the majority continued on to the camps. Lieutenant Choi exited the truck carrying Talvela and Lieutenant Song and boarded the one carrying Doctor Lee headed for the camps. “Han-na, I need to call the Swiss embassy and talk to the IT manager,” said Talvela. “Do you have the number?” “Of course,” replied Lieutenant Song. * * * * * General Dong was standing in front of a video camera. "General, we are live in ... three, two, one," prompted the nervous, young reporter. "My name is General Dong Kee-tae. I am placing the forces of my division in support of Colonel Chun Yu-shin and the other officers who have overthrown the selfish and cruel Kim family. I urge the other divisional commanders to do the same. Today is a new day for Koreans. Let it be a peaceful one." * * * * * Sergeant Ju Sang-ho was finished with his hours of driving. His bus was filled with the wives and children of soldiers who manned the artillery pieces within range of Seoul. He opened the door and watched them flood out. Sergeant Ju assisted other ROK troops establish a mobile canteen. Some of the troops started putting on white kitchen hats. Talvela had recommended that they all wear the tallest and silliest-looking ones they could find. Two large televisions were set-up, back-to-back, under a tent with a generator to power them. The televisions were switched on and started displaying North Korean Central Television. The program consisted of Colonel Chun's announcement followed by ten minutes of scenes from South Korea, then the announcement again followed by ten minutes of scenes from North Korea, repeated over and over again. Announcements of solidarity from divisional commanders were also being played. Colonel Ko Yoon-dae, the North Korean officer in charge and one of The Hundred had arranged for some of the children of the junior soldiers to be transported here. They were standing around him with apprehensive looks on their faces. He bent down to them and said in a soft voice: "Go over to the canteen and have breakfast. It's okay. Children will eat before adults today." The children walked to the canteen. As one of the ROK soldiers bent over to speak to the children, his tall hat fell off. One of the North Korean soldiers snickered at the sight. Then the ROK soldier placed the hat on the head of one of the children and it promptly fell to his shoulders because it was too big for him. As the soldier quickly pulled the hat up to avoid suffocating him, the boy started giggling. Then a number of North Korean soldiers started to laugh at the sight. * * * * * The arrangement of two televisions was being repeated all over North Korea, including labor camps and military bases. North Koreans gathered around the televisions in amazement, especially regarding the scenes of ordinary life in the South. "Do you think it is true?" whispered one woman to her husband. "The war is finally over? We no longer have to pretend that the Kim family is anything other than a group of hyenas?" "Look how big the children are!" whispered another woman to her friend. "They are not mere skin and bones like our children." * * * * * Colonel Chun was waiting for Talvela and Lieutenant Song. "Your speech was a little wooden," commented Talvela. "Yes, I am not used to giving such speeches. I think your videotaped speech was much better than mine," said Colonel Chun. "Time will tell," predicted Talvela. "Ever since we arrested Kim, he has been demanding to speak with you," admitted Colonel Chun. "We brought him to the palace because we thought you might want to ask him some questions." "Good thinking," replied Talvela. Colonel Chun, Talvela, and Lieutenant Song walked into the palace. Kim Half-thatch stood up as soon as he saw Talvela. "What is the meaning of having me arrested?" demanded Kim. "My people love me and will soon loudly demand for me to speak to them and reverse the mutiny of the past hours." "Only in your dreams," replied Talvela. "Sit down. You are no position to demand anything." "All of the animals in the forest cried when I made my first appearance," pleaded Kim. "Probably because they knew you would eat many of them soon," retorted Talvela. "And people weep when I make an appearance," again pleaded Kim. "Let me tell you of a common occurrence with Stalin. He would enter a large room and the audience would applaud. And they would applaud. They would applaud for many minutes because they were all afraid of being the first person to stop applauding. They knew that the secret police would soon arrest the first people to stop applauding. So everyone applauded until Stalin raised his arms and then the applause immediately stopped. Stalin was such a sadistic freak that he kept the applause going until people's muscles hurt from the strain of constant clapping," explained Talvela. "Let's get something straight right now. Most North Koreans only pretend to adore you because of the atmosphere of fear your grandfather and father created. If anyone protested or even displayed a bad attitude, they were arrested and often sent to a labor camp, along with the generations above and below them. And at least some of the people who cry are the usual, useless sycophants and toadies who will lose their vaunted place in society if you lose power," clarified Talvela. "I demand to be treated better!" stated Kim. Talvela ignored his plea. "You know, you could have been a world-wide hero. People who voluntarily relinquish power are admired throughout the world. You would have won the Nobel Peace Prize. You could have made speeches where people gave you thunderous applause. Genuine applause. I could have obtained VIP seats for you at the next NBA All-Star Game and probably for many years to come," explained Talvela. Kim's eyes widened at the mention of basketball. "You best think of your future. Billions of dollars were stolen from the North Korean people and deposited in European bank accounts. This money must be returned immediately. This is your only bargaining chip. Unless you want to spend the rest of your life scrubbing toilets, you had best tell us what we want to know," demanded Talvela. Talvela turned to Lieutenant Song. "We need to get to the camp." * * * * * "No, a little more clockwise. That's it!" declared Anna Göldi, IT supervisor for the Swiss Embassy in Pyongyang, as she looked at the compass. "Didn't the DPRK order us to do exactly the opposite of what we are doing just last year?" asked Messer Ansaldo, IT engineer, as he tightened the directional antenna mounted on the roof. "Yes, they did. All of the embassies surreptitiously increased the power of their Wi-Fi networks so the signal traveled far past the building. A good number of Pyongyang residents were able to use free Internet for some time, but then the bureaucrats realized what we were doing and ordered us to ensure that our signal stayed within our property," answered Göldi. "But we're going much farther than any of the embassies did before, right?" queried Ansaldo. "Much. Before, we just cranked up the power on the routers and access points, but now we are using specialized, directional antennas to maximize signal strength. We had to coordinate our work with the other embassies to prevent overlap of the frequencies. That's why we're using a digital compass to point this antenna," continued Göldi. "What's next?" asked Ansaldo. "System test. We need to verify the entire network from top to bottom. But first let's get some coffee. My neck is killing me," concluded Göldi. * * * * * The truck carrying Talvela and Lieutenant Song arrived at Camp 22. Both exited the truck. One of the 100 officers who had taken control of North Korea and a former resident of the camp, Major Seo Sun-kyu, met them. Major Seo got right to the point. "Colonel Chun called. He said that Chinese tanks are massing on the Chinese side of the bridges over the Amnok River." The Amnok River was generally known as the Yalu River in the West, but Yalu is a Chinese word. "Can we call him now?" asked Talvela. "Immediately," replied Major Seo, as he dialed the number and handed the phone to Talvela. "Colonel Chun, have Chinese forces started crossing the bridges over the Amnok River yet?" asked Talvela. "No, but it looks like they might do that any minute at the Sino-Korean Friendship Bridge. We cannot allow Chinese forces to enter the country. They might be thinking of installing a puppet leader," reflected Colonel Chun. "I agree. We need to stop them, but at the same time we cannot start a war. I have an idea. What's the name of the officer in charge at the bridge?" said Talvela. "Major Suk Cheol-soo," replied Colonel Chun. "Can you arrange to have a North Korean Central Television crew meet us at the bridge. They'll need a portable antenna to communicate with the satellite so we can go live," requested Talvela. "Consider it done. Gotta go," finished Colonel Chun. "Han-na, let's find the camp public address system," said Talvela. They walked to the former commandant's office. "Your Korean is far better than mine. Please translate," asked Talvela. Lieutenant Song grabbed the microphone and waited for him to begin. "May I have your attention, please. You have no doubt already heard that Kim Half-thatch and the Kim family are no longer in power." The sounds of raucous cheering from all over the camp filled the room. "If anyone has a serious medical problem, tell anyone in uniform and we will expedite your departure to a hospital." "As of immediately, all work details are canceled. The only work you might be asked to do would be in regards to the preparation of food or the cleaning of kitchen, shower, barracks, or other facilities you use." "We have already switched off the power to the electric fences. The gate will be left open during the day, but we will close it at night to prevent wild animals from entering the camp. If you want to walk home right now, no one will stop you, but we urge you to wait until we call your name for a slot on a bus. It's a very long walk home and it would be a real shame if you starved to death so close to freedom. We will call entire family groups at one time." "More food trucks will be arriving very soon. We expect to have more than enough food for everyone to gorge themselves." "We are installing instant-on water heaters so you can take hot showers instead of the cold ones you have been taking, but it might take a few days to complete that work. Until then you can queue for the officer showers, but you will need to be patient as there are few of them." "And if any of you wish to become intimate with a member of the opposite sex, we do not care, but you will need to arrange for privacy with the other members of your barracks." The sound of nervous laughter and shouts filled the room. Lieutenant Song chuckled and looked at Talvela with amusement. "Where's Lieutenant Choi, the officer who rode in our truck? I have an idea regarding the border situation," said Talvela. "Sergeant Paek, please find Lieutenant Choi. She's around here somewhere," requested Lieutenant Song. "Doctor Lee, how is the general health of everyone?" asked Talvela, as Doctor Lee walked over to him. "Terrible, as you'd expect. Everyone has diarrhea. Everyone complains of toothaches. Everyone has symptoms of vitamin deficiencies," answered Doctor Lee. "I'm arranging for a number of medical personnel to be transferred here to at least allow us to resolve their major medical problems. We're going to be here for some time." * * * * * Lieutenant Choi had gone in search of an entirely different quarry. She walked to the guard supply office. She was sure she would find the tool she needed. Yes, there it was -- a cattle prod. She put in a bag along with a length of rope, a pocket knife, and a small roll of sticky packing tape. She went in search of the guard, Kim Soon-tek, who brutally abused her with possibly the same cattle prod. She had previously mentally nicknamed this guard Fatbutt after his corpulent body. She found him in a clearing behind the guard supply office. He had changed his clothing to that of a prisoner to avoid being shot. He was hiding here now to avoid having one of the prisoners identify him. She was betting that she could directly approach him without him realizing that she was formally an inmate in the camp. She applied just a touch of makeup to further disguise her appearance. She put the bag in her left hand and the prod in her right hand, with her right hand behind her back. She walked straight toward him. At the last second, she brought her right hand from behind her back to expose the prod. She pressed the business end of the prod against his temple, which caused him to go silly for a few seconds. That was all the time she needed. She dropped the bag and prod. She quickly threw him to the ground, face-down, and tied his hands behind his back. She pressed the business end of the prod against his temple once again. It wasn't really necessary, but she enjoyed seeing him twitch. She tied his legs at the ankles. She once again pressed the prod against his temple. She tied his legs together just above the knee. She pressed the prod against his genitals and held it there for about 30 seconds. Even though he was in agony, the three ropes ensured that he could not move much at all. She tied a ten meter length of rope to his ankles and dragged him to an old, filled-up latrine trench. She knew it was deep enough because she had helped to dig the trench. She turned the spigot on a nearby water hose and placed the nozzle at the edge of the trench. She oriented his body so that his feet were at the edge of the trench, with his body parallel to the long axis of it. She walked the free end of the ten meter length of rope to the other end of the trench. She walked back to him. "Do you remember me? You took great pleasure in abusing me. Now it's my turn," she hissed. All this time the water hose was converting the latrine trench from solid waste to a semi-liquid stew of shit. Uncontrolled fear showed in his eyes. She used the tape to fix the prod's on-switch so that it would remain on. She taped the cattle prod to his body so that the business end was firmly touching his genitals. She walked back to the other side of the trench and pulled his body into the trench. This way she would not get dirty from splash-back. The cattle prod shocking his genitals ensured that he was unable to hold his breath. The equipment on his belt reduced his buoyancy just enough so that he would not remain above the floating turds. She watched him until he sank beneath the surface. The story of Lazarus would not be repeated here. "Lieutenant, Mr. Talvela would like to see you," said Sergeant Paek as he walked over to her. "Eww, that's a big pool of crap!" "It certainly is," she answered with just a hint of a smile. Copyright 2020 Pete Prunskunas - All rights reserved. Mi-ja and Yun-bok are sitting in a Seoul cafe drinking coffee.
"Do you get the impression that people here in Seoul think that because of our accents, we're stupid?" asked Mi-ja. "Yes, I do. It's rather disheartening, given how much we yearned to come here. We need to develop a Seoul accent as fast as we can," answered Yun-bok. * * * * * Lieutenant Song's home telephone rang and she answered it. "Yes, Colonel, I will give him the message. I will call you right back." She hung up and called Talvela. "Christian, it is Colonel Chun. He wants to know if we can return to Pyongyang tomorrow morning. He sounds a little stressed. And he specifically stated we are going to the zoo." "Tell him we will be there at 8:00 in the morning. Please call Doctor Lee and ask him to join us." * * * * * Lieutenant Choi Sung-hui had given up all hope long ago. When she first arrived at the prison camp, she was tortured by a sadistic male guard who used a cattle prod, inserting it everywhere he could. Later she witnessed the same guard beat a small girl to death for hiding a few grains of wheat in her pocket. She had been imprisoned because her sister picked up a South Korean leaflet. North Korean authorities imprisoned her immediate family, as well as the generation above and below. Now she had been summoned to the commandant's office for reasons unknown. She was sure she would be shot -- or worse. She was surprised to see a number of other prisoners, all former army officers, along with two current officers. They were all being fed the largest meal she had seen in her entire time in the prison. She did not waste time asking about the situation. She just sat down and started to eat. * * * * * Talvela, Lieutenant Song, and Doctor Lee arrived at the presidential palace promptly at 8:00 AM. Colonel Chun ushered them into a small office, different than the large room in which they had previously met. "I apologize, I have no time for pleasantries. You have no idea how lucky you were before. Kim had told me that I was to arrest and jail you because of the content on your blog. I can only guess that Brobdingnagian's arrival caused him to forget his plan. Later, I spoke with him. He told me that the only reason he did not have me arrest you at first was that he wanted to see this woman you mentioned. He ordered me to travel to all of the prison camps and execute all former army officers held there to prevent them from ever taking part in a revolution. Then he said some bizarre things, most of which I do not remember. The craziest thing was his order for me to kidnap the entire American All-Star Basketball team during its travels to Europe, and bring all of the team members here to Pyongyang for his personal amusement. I believe he is as nutty as his father," Colonel Chun breathlessly exclaimed. "Actually, wouldn't he need two teams to play a game?" deadpanned Talvela as Lieutenant Song glared at him. Colonel Chun ignored his attempt at levity. "And then he ordered me to arrest and execute a long list of officers in a purge, with many of the officers being my friends." "So what did you do with him?" asked Talvela. "Something I did not tell you before because I was not sure who I could trust was that I have some friends in the officer ranks who agree with me that the direction of North Korea must be reversed. We are not many -- only 16 in all -- but we are willing to die to stop the madness here. I called my friends and we arrested him and placed him under house arrest just before I called you," explained Colonel Chun. "You have already started the clock. We have very little time to act," said Talvela. "Here is what you must do today. Your friends will be busy. Two of them will immediately travel to each prison camp. They will order the prison commander to release to them all army officers. If we had time, it would be best if we could verify that all of these officers were not guilty of an actual crime, such as murder, but we have no time for that now. We will have to chance it. You will need to forge papers for your friends to appear as if they are operating on direct orders of Kim. Have your friends inform the camp commanders that the prisoners are being released for a suicide mission against South Korea. Make sure they understand that this is top secret and that any release of information will result in one more prisoner being added to the camps: them. They must not communicate with the commanders of the other camps. Bring all of the officers back here for a meeting. That should give us enough time," said Talvela. "Traveling to the camps, loading the officers onto buses, and returning will require most of the day. What will you do until we are finished?" asked Colonel Chun. "We need to return to Seoul to coordinate some things with South Korea. We will call you as needed. I would like to speak with one of your officer friends now in regards to the announcement you will make tomorrow morning on television," finished Talvela. "By the way, what did you do with Brobdingnagian?" * * * * * All of the released army prisoners had been given a thorough scrubbing. They were all significantly thinner than they had been before and their new uniforms fit poorly. Colonel Chun entered the room. "Please sit down and save your strength. You will need it later." "84 of you were released from the prison camps. There are 16 of us who were lucky not to have been sent there. That makes an even 100. All of us will have the most important day of our lives tomorrow. This is a day about which you will tell your grandchildren -- and maybe they will even pay attention," joked Colonel Chun. A few of the officers smiled, but most of them were still unsure of what they were going to be asked to do. "You will participate in the greatest adventure of all, releasing North Korea from the shackles of the last 100 years. All of you have been assigned important missions. It is possible that the failure of any of you will result in failure of the entire mission. I realize personal initiative is not something we have been trained in, but you must exercise it today. If someone interferes with you, you will do whatever it takes to complete your mission. If you need to tie him up and stuff him into a filing cabinet to keep him quiet, then do so. If you need to shoot him in both shoulders to prevent him from calling an aide, then do so. If you need to shoot him in the head to immediately silence him, then do so. No one will question your motives later. However, I must tell you that many of the senior leadership knows some very important things, for instance, the location of the billions that has been stolen from us. We really need to interrogate these senior officials to plan our future and it is difficult to interrogate a dead man," lectured Colonel Chun. "In ancient times, the 300 Spartans fought to the death while they delayed a massive army. Their exploits are legendary even today. There are 100 of us, so perhaps we will be remembered as the 100 Koreans or even just the 100. But this will only happen if we all do our job. And it will help no one if we fight to the death. To quote the American General George Patton, we need to make the other guy die for his cause. Okay, pay attention, here are your assignments," said Colonel Chun. * * * * * Sergeant Paek Tae-jing was going to be the first one out of the door of the helicopter. Just before it landed, he opened the door and looked out at the sleeping prison camp. Dawn was still a few hours away. After the landing, he jumped out, followed by his squad. They ran as fast as they could to the barracks to which they had been assigned. All of the soldiers quickly and efficiently set up their equipment. Hurry up and wait, that's how the military is. * * * * * Sergeant Kim Soon-tek woke up because he really had to pee. After he did he walked outside for a cigarette. He was so fat that he had to squeeze through the doorway. "Are those South Korean voices?" he asked himself. He was familiar with the different accent because he had confiscated South Korean DVDs from dissidents before he became a camp guard, watching them later. "Are those weapons glinting in the moonlight?" he asked himself again. "Should I sound the alarm or just save myself?" * * * * * "Was that the noise of a jet engine?" wondered Sergeant Paek. He had been ordered to paint the side of the main barracks with his laser and that was what he was doing. To his left and right, his fellow soldiers had set up machine guns to kill the labor camp guards who were not blown to bits. He was a part of the ROK commando team at Camp 22, the largest of the major prison camps in North Korea with an estimated 50,000 prisoners, with the entire archipelago population approaching 200,000. They had flown from South Korea directly to the camps without DPRK radars detecting them. But did Chinese radars detect them? The commandos landed during the night because intelligence had told them that was the best time to catch the majority of the guards asleep in the barracks. They needed to kill as many as possible in the barracks because of the sheer number of them. The DPRK used many guards because of its level of brutality, with the prisoners sometimes revolting against the constant torture. Sergeant Paek's orders were simple: all guards were to be killed as quickly as possible because they would start killing prisoners to eliminate witnesses against them in later war crimes trials. He was stationed at the main barracks, but other ROK troopers were stationed outside guard shacks and other guard buildings. As soon as his bomb exploded, the turkey shoot would commence. Their briefing had explained that camp guards had tortured, raped, murdered, and otherwise abused untold numbers of prisoners, including little children. If nothing was done to stop it, more people would die in one day than on any firebombing raid on Germany or Japan or either of the atomic bomb blasts. "Holy cow!" thought Sergeant Paek. The entire building was leveled in a deafening blast. He was not expecting such an enormous detonation. His friends with the machine guns would not have much to do. * * * * * Talvela and Lieutenant Song had been up all night arranging for the contents of the vehicles in their caravan. As soon as they climbed into the front seat of the truck, with a South Korean soldier at the wheel, they fell asleep, with her leaning against him. The caravan had traveled to a point just beyond the view of the North Korean border guards. An officer banged on the side of their truck to wake them up. "It's 8:30 AM. Wake-up! It is time to go!" he declared. Talvela struggled to wake-up. "Han-na, finally, we're sleeping together," he whispered. She straightened two fingers, slipped them between two of his ribs, and inserted them forcefully, causing him to sit upright because of the sharp pain. "Coffee would be much better," he said. Their truck engine rumbled to life, along with the other engines in their caravan. They started to move forward. * * * * * Sergeant Paek and his fellow soldiers walked through the remnants of the bombed-out barracks. "Wow, all these bodies and body parts lying about as if a giant child had thrown a tantrum while playing with his toy soldiers!" he said. "Look at all these machine guns! They could not have known we were coming, so the weapons must have been stored here in case of a prisoner revolt. It's a good thing we did not underestimate them. They were third-rate soldiers, but with this many machine guns they could have inflicted lots of pain on us," he declared. * * * * * Lieutenant Choi saw the approaching caravan, with vehicles ranging as far as the eye could see. She had been assigned the task of returning to her prison camp, this time as a liberator. There was a score to settle. It really was going to be a beautiful day. The young North Korean reporter standing beside her was already videotaping the approaching caravan. The footage would be aired immediately after the announcement from Colonel Chun. Yes, the revolution would be televised. * * * * * Talvela switched on the small television in the cab. It was tuned to North Korean television. He could see the usual belligerent female announcer being escorted from the stage. Then the camera switched to one covering a much younger woman who started to announce the weather. She started in the northern part of the Korean peninsula, giving the weather for the major North Korean cities. She continued without a hitch down south, giving the weather for Seoul and the major South Korean cities. At 30 seconds before 9:00 AM, she stopped announcing the weather and declared, "It is going to be a beautiful day throughout the entire Korean peninsula!" "Showtime!" exclaimed Talvela. Copyright 2020 Pete Prunskunas - All rights reserved. "How are we going to get past the Chinese guards outside the South Korean embassy?" asked Ko Mi-ja. "And what's that strange contraption Kil-chun is holding?"
"He's holding your freedom," chuckled Yun Gap-sun. "And in case you're wondering, a member of our group called the South Korean embassy just a short time ago to warn them of what we were doing. I think the Chinese guards will be caught by surprise." "You could consider it an array of firearms," started Gim Kil-chun. "There is a plastics factory nearby. We took a number of scrap pieces -- actually, I think the proper term for the shape is right rectangular prism -- and drilled barrels in them, in other words, a hole that does not go through both ends. We drilled a tiny hole at the dead end of each barrel for the fuse. We used a lathe to make bullets, well, okay, they're rather crudely shaped, slightly tapered on the business end. We removed the gunpowder from many firecrackers and dropped some down each barrel. We jammed a bullet down each barrel and inserted a fuse into each hole. Then we took a strap and connected many of them together, connecting all of the fuses to a larger, primary fuse. The last thing we did was attach a bracket to allow us to quickly bolt it to a street sign. The array shifts so we can aim it." "How strong is that plastic?" asked Ko Yun-bok, the brother of Mi-ja. "Isn't there a chance the plastic solids will explode into many pieces?" "I see someone paid attention in science class," began Gim. "Yes, that is a possibility. We chose pieces with no obvious flaws. We've done a bit of testing and discovered that the solids are never a problem for the first and even second use, but sometimes they fracture on the third use. Given that we only use them once, I think it's unlikely that they will fracture. And the fuse hole closes under the extreme heat, so all of the gunpowder's force is used to propel the bullet forward." "Okay, pay attention," ordered Yun. "Kil-chun and I will walk to the street sign with me blocking the view of the array from the perspective of the Chinese guards. Kil-chun will attach it to the sign. Do not make your move until I raise my arms above my head and then drop them to my side. Understand? There are four stages to the array, meaning there are four volleys, forcing the Chinese guards to run for cover, though the plastic bullets are not traveling fast enough to injure them unless they strike an eye. Then Kil-chun and I will run to a nearby building where more members of our underground railroad are waiting with different shirts for us to wear. And you didn't really think we wore these silly hats because we liked them, right?" All nine members of the group nodded. "Good luck to all of you," added Gim. Yun and Gim walked to the sign, with Gim quickly attaching the array to the sign and aiming it at the Chinese guards. Gim lit the primary fuse. Yun turned around to face the Chinese guards. "Taiwan is a free and independent country!" he screamed as he raised his arms above his head. "Free Tibet! Long live the Dalai Lama!" shouted Gim. The Chinese guards started walking toward them. The first stage of the array fired, with the Chinese guards being stunned by the flying projectiles. Then the second stage fired and the guards ran to a concrete barrier. Yun dropped his arms and the nine North Koreans, including orphans, ran to the front entrance of the South Korean embassy. As Yun and Gim ran away, the third and fourth stages fired, forcing the Chinese guards to hunker down behind the concrete barrier. "Welcome to the Republic of Korea!" announced the embassy guard as he opened the gate. * * * * * The telephone rang, with the president of Feed North Korea answering, "Hello, this is Christian Talvela." "Hello. My name is Euh Kun-hee. I am a senior aide to South Korean Ambassador Lee Kyung-ni. Can you come to the South Korean embassy in Washington DC as soon as possible? Since this is not a secure telephone, I am hesitant to discuss the matter right now." "I could leave early in the morning and be at Washington National around noon," replied Talvela. "Excellent. Would a 1:00 PM meeting be acceptable?" asked the aide. "Yes, that's okay, as long as the plane isn't late. Should I ask for you?" asked Talvela in return. "Yes, please do. And thanks for traveling on such short notice," concluded the aide. * * * * * Talvela told the guard at the gate of the Korean Embassy in Washington DC that Euh was expecting him. The guard called to the main building, confirmed that Talvela was on the list, and motioned for him to continue toward the main entrance where he was met by Euh. "Mr. Talvela, thank you for coming on such short notice. Please walk with me to Ambassador Lee's office. We have much to talk about," said Euh as they walked to Ambassador Lee's office. "Mr. Talvela, I'll bet you are wondering why we asked you here. Please have a seat," offered Ambassador Lee Kyung-ni. "We never quite know what to believe with respect to North Korea. As you know, Kim Gour-met was the leader until December 2011. Recently we received an overture from his son and current leader, Kim Half-thatch. He asked to see you in person. He would tell not us why. Given your interest in the Korean peninsula, I believe you might find it educational to travel to Pyongyang to meet him," explained Ambassador Lee. "Absolutely!" declared Talvela. "We will classify you as a temporary employee and pay you at the level of Special Representative for North Korea Policy. When can you leave?" asked Ambassador Lee. "I suspected something like this might happen, so I brought clothes suitable for the Korean Peninsula. I can leave on the next flight," declared Talvela. "Excellent," concluded Ambassador Lee. * * * * * "Ladies and gentlemen, we have been cleared to land at Incheon International Airport. Please ensure that your seat belt is securely fastened and that your phones are turned off," announced the flight attendant. "Look, Yun-bok, the bright lights of Seoul!" squealed Mi-ja, pointing at the window. * * * * * As Talvela stepped off the plane at Incheon International Airport, he saw an attractive female lieutenant holding his name. "Mr. Talvela, my name is Lieutenant Song Han-na. I have been assigned to assist you with your meeting in Pyongyang. My regular position in the army is in logistics, but since I have a degree in English, my superiors believed that I would be a suitable assistant for you." "Since we will be working with each other in tense circumstances, I would like to eliminate the formality between us. Please call me Christian," said Talvela. "In that case, please call me Han-na," countered Lieutenant Song. "By the way, how did you get involved in Korean matters? You aren't even partially Korean, or Asian for that matter." "My much older sister adopted a Korean girl, Da-seul, with the two of us not being very far apart in years. My sister insisted that she continue her education in Korean, so she became perfectly bilingual. Whenever I could, I sat in on her lessons. My Korean is really uneven, but I can get by. Da-seul might have come with me, but she's pregnant with her first child right now," explained Talvela. In a different part of the airport, the Ko siblings exited customs. "Will all of you please follow me?" said the young man holding a sign reading, "Refugees from North Korea." The two Ko siblings, along with the others, walked excitedly behind their guide. * * * * * "President Shon, I would like to introduce Christian Talvela," said Lieutenant Song. "Mr. Talvela, it is good of you to travel to our peninsula. Kim Half-thatch's message has us dying of curiosity. Besides Lieutenant Song, do you require any assistance?" asked President Shon Joon-ho. "Given the humanitarian nightmare that is North Korea, I would appreciate it if you can supply us with a medical doctor who is familiar with the conditions there. I have a feeling that those skills might prove useful. Of course, the doctor needs to speak English," offered Talvela. "I know just the person. I expect you will leave tomorrow for Pyongyang, so I will ask the good doctor to be ready in the morning. Anything else?" asked President Shon. "Yes, do you know anything about the North Korean woman who was seen in a video searching for grass to sell to wealthier people to feed rabbits? She said in the video that she was an orphan," added Talvela. "I think you will find that Lieutenant Song is an expert on that subject," noted President Shon. Talvela looked at Lieutenant Song with curiosity. "I will conclude by telling you that you will probably also deal with Kim Tip-ple, Kim Gour-met's younger sister. We believe she is acting as a regent for Kim Half-thatch. She is reputed to be a mean drunk and even caused her daughter to commit suicide," added President Shon. "Sounds like it will not be boring," said Talvela. "I cannot wait to hear what you have learned upon your return," concluded President Shon. Talvela and Lieutenant Song walked out of the president's office. "Han-na, what did President Shon mean by your being an expert on orphans?" "I am an orphan myself and grew up in an orphanage. I joined the army because I have no family. I was one of the very first graduates of our officer training program for women. I keep current with orphan matters on the Korean peninsula. I am fairly certain I could find Yoo Tok-ki, the rabbit girl. For me, she represents all of the starving orphans in North Korea." "I love the smell of baby food in the morning," offered Talvela. "It smells like -- victory?" finished Lieutenant Song, catching the cultural reference. * * * * * "My name is Colonel Chun Yu-shin. I will be your escort," said Colonel Chun. "Colonel, my name is Lieutenant Song Han-na. This is Special Representative Christian Talvela. And this is Doctor Lee Mi-hyun," said Lieutenant Song. "Please come with me," said Colonel Chun. They walked further into the palace. "Radiant Marshal, General Kim, please allow me to introduce Special Representative Christian Talvela, Lieutenant Song Han-na, and Doctor Lee Mi-hyun," said Colonel Chun. Turning to the visitors, he said, "This is Radiant Marshal Kim Half-thatch and General Kim Tip-ple." "You want a drink? It's the best Canadian Whiskey. Let me get you one," slobbered Aunt Kim. "Not now, revered aunt. Please have a seat. Mr. Talvela, I have read your blog. You do not agree with many of the policies of North Korea," stated Radiant Marshal Kim. "To be blunt, the policies of your father have resulted in the deaths of millions of North Koreans and more than a few South Koreans, Americans, and others. Why do you not see that allowing your people to eat proper meals, and stopping the never-ending war with the rest of the world, would enable North Korea to be a much more powerful country? South Korea is the 8th largest exporting country. North Korea is 120th, just ahead of Mozambique. There is no reason North Korea could not emulate South Korea; after all, you are the same people. By switching your spending from your military, Pyongyang could become another Asian Tiger," declared Talvela as he watched Aunt Kim constantly slurping caramel-colored liquid from a large glass. "What would you say if I told you that we want to do just that? What would you say if I told you that our generals are preventing us from doing that?" asked Radiant Marshal Kim. "Your grandfather and father made many promises and offers over the years and all of them turned out to be vapor from a starving cloud," commented Talvela. "You have a vivid imagination. I would like you to give us your suggestions as to how my aunt and I can wrest power from the generals," said Radiant Marshal Kim. "Excuse me for a second," said Radiant Marshal Kim as he turned to his servant. "Take my dog out for a walk now. And don't forget to feed him." "Dog food!" Aunt Kim giggled hysterically. "I have a plan, but first I have a request of my own. You may or may not know that a North Korean woman, Yoo Tok-ki, was featured in a video which has been seen around the world. This video showed her starving and looking for grass to sell to wealthier North Koreans. She clearly lived a pathetic life," said Talvela. Lieutenant Song looked at Talvela with a slight smile on her face. "Before I give you any advice, I want to find this woman, if she is still alive, given her predicament. And I want to take her back with me to Seoul," said Talvela. "Does this woman interest you sexually?" asked an amused Radiant Marshal Kim. A thudding noise caused everyone to look over at Aunt Kim who had fallen out of her chair onto the floor. She looked up with half-opened eyes, laid her head down, closed her eyes, and went to sleep on the floor. "No, nothing like that. She represents deprivation on a scale I could never imagine. I cannot save the world, but I will save this woman," said Talvela. "I accept. Colonel Chun will assist you. I assume you already know the general whereabouts of this woman?" asked Radiant Marshal Kim. "Yes, we do," offered Lieutenant Song. "Okay, we will meet again after you find her," concluded Radiant Marshal Kim. * * * * * "She should be around here. This is where the truck driver filmed her. That's her, I'm sure of it! Stop the truck!" demanded Lieutenant Song. "Let me address her. Yoo Tok-ki, please come here!" said Colonel Chun. A pathetically thin young woman walked slowly to Colonel Chun. "Am I in great trouble?" she asked in a whisper. Colonel Chun laughed. "No, this is the luckiest day of your life! Please get in the truck. We will take you where you can eat a complete meal for once," said Colonel Chun. Yoo had a dazed look on her face, but she got in the truck as ordered. * * * * * "Okay, we'll begin. This class will teach you how to survive in South Korea. Almost everything is different here. To be blunt, people are very materialistic," began their instructor. "For men, accomplishments in the military often dictate how one will be accepted in the corporate world. Unfortunately you will never be allowed to join the military, as we can never really be sure you are not a Trojan horse." "Education is taken very seriously. As a matter of fact, on the day of college entrance exams, air traffic is rerouted, if not delayed, so that students have the best possible environment for test-taking," he continued. "We will give each of you a decent sum of South Korean money at the end of your training. You must be very careful with it, as some refugees before you naively gave it to grifters promising them some pie-in-the-sky. You need to think very carefully about what you will use it for," he added. The two Ko siblings looked at each other. "I think we should combine our money and see what kind of business we can start," whispered Yun-bok. Mi-ja nodded. "Maybe a restaurant outside of Seoul, as the prices are very high here." * * * * * "I am allowed to eat all this?" asked Yoo. "Yes. What do you think about moving to Seoul?" asked Lieutenant Song. Yoo looked at her with a puzzled expression. "Seoul?" Talvela turned to Lieutenant Song and Doctor Lee and said in a low voice, "Tell her to take a long, soapy shower." "Why are you helping her?" asked Colonel Chun. "I do not know if you heard this story, but in Japan, there is a classic manga comic magazine from the 1960s called Tiger Mask about a professional wrestler who donates his winnings to the orphanage in which he was raised. On last Christmas Day, anonymous donors brought gifts of school satchels, fruit, vegetables, bags of rice, and even cash. One of them left a drawing of a man behind a tiger mask with a note of: 'I am Tiger Mask -- I have come to your city and I want you to distribute the gifts to all the children's homes here.' Another left a note saying there are Tiger Masks across Japan," explained Talvela. "There are Tiger Masks all over the world," declared Talvela. Lieutenant Song smiled at him and squeezed his arm. * * * * * As before, Colonel Chun brought the visitors to the presidential palace where Kim was waiting. Talvela wanted to make sure that Yoo Tok-ki did not disappear, so he brought her with him and ask her to sit in the corner where he could keep an eye on her. Lieutenant Song and Doctor Lee joined Talvela. Talvela started, directly addressing Radiant Marshal Kim. "Have you studied the aftermath of the collapse of totalitarian regimes?" Radiant Marshal Kim's eyes opened wide. Talvela continued: "When the fascist government of Italy fell near the end of WWII, Mussolini and his mistress were strung up like slaughtered pigs. Romania's Ceausescu and his wife were put up against a wall and shot on Christmas Day, shot like the common criminals they were, just a few weeks after the fall of the Berlin Wall in 1989. You could avoid all that, you know. By ending the state of war which exists between the two halves of Korea, you could end the starvation of your people and probably end up winning the Nobel Peace Prize." "Korea is a shrimp between three whales, China, Japan, and the USA. The first two have tried to eat us for hundreds of years. How would you ensure that we were not swallowed up by the whales if we declared peace? How would you rebuild North Korea?" asked Radiant Marshal Kim. Talvela hesitated for a few seconds before replying. "Your immediate concern is food and medical care. After signing a genuine peace treaty with the South -- nothing can start until that happens -- we would establish camps in all of the major cities. Each one of these camps would have a large food tent, in which basic, cooked food is given away. We would not allow raw food to be given to your government because it would be sold in the black market. A second tent would be set-up for medical care." "You would quickly have a situation where you would be overwhelmed with people needing food, given your country's starvation crisis. I believe you would discover that you have far more orphans than you realize. After these homeless people have been cleared by the medical authorities, they would need a place to live. The solution lies in the many abandoned factories you have. The homeless people would remove the junk and fix them up to make them livable." Radiant Marshal Kim looked at his watch. "Oh, no! Lance Brobdingnagian is arriving any minute! I must go now!" he shrieked as he ran out of the room. "Lance Brobdingnagian, the American basketball player who declared that foreigners being held prisoner in North Korea deserved it," whispered Lieutenant Song to Talvela. "It appears we are done here," said Colonel Chun almost too quickly. All of them stood and started walking out of the building. Talvela turned to Doctor Lee and whispered: "Walk behind us and converse with Tok-ki. It does not matter what you say. Just keep talking and get her to talk." Doctor Lee just nodded his head and smiled. Talvela, Lieutenant Song, and Colonel Chun were walking three abreast. "Tok-ki looks cute with her new buzz-cut," joked Talvela. "She did not relish the thought of having her hair chopped off like that, but she had lice and other nasty things on her. I made her scrub her entire body in the shower," added Lieutenant Song. "It is very kind of you to take her back to Seoul with you. What will happen to her?" asked Colonel Chun. "We will get her an apartment, update her knowledge of Korean, maybe even teach her English, and get her a job somewhere. She'll probably work in a restaurant until she learns a few things, but at least she will eat three meals a day," said Talvela. "I wish we could give all orphans adequate food and shelter," volunteered Colonel Chun. Talvela and Lieutenant Song realized this was a strange thing for a North Korean officer to volunteer and looked at each other briefly. Colonel Chun turned his head to directly face Taleva. "I tell you as a friend, do not return to North Korea unless I invite you to see the zoo," he whispered. "Do not return if anyone else calls you." He turned his head back to face the front. "I wish you great success in your endeavors. I hope to see you soon," he said just a little too loudly and turned and walked away. As they walked away, Talvela asked Lieutenant Song in a low voice, "What did he mean by that?" * * * * * Talvela and Lieutenant Song were having dinner in a Seoul restaurant. "I read that Kim Gour-met's hobby was collecting pedigree dogs, yet he continued to eat dogs, especially dog stew. So to paraphrase the old expression regarding cake -- he wanted to have his dog and eat it, too!" joked Talvela. Lieutenant Song simultaneously rolled her eyes and smiled. "Christian, all kidding aside, don't you think there is a strong possibility that some North Koreans would emulate the fanatics in Jonestown and commit mass suicide if their country imploded because their world has come crashing down?" "Drink the North Korean version of Kool-Aid? I hope not, but it's always a possibility. However, people are still people and nobody likes living as an ignorant, starving slave. This has been true for centuries, with Spartacus and his band of former slaves being the best example. I will wager that the only people who would be crushed are the sycophants in the Kim family circle, in other words, the relatives and friends of the Kims and the military and civilian elite. I realize that North Korea is probably the most extreme case of national indoctrination the world has ever seen, but look at what happened in East Germany. No one committed suicide and no army units attempted a counter-coup." "Did I tell you the one about the American who visited an Asian city on a business trip?" started Talvela. "He patronized a house of ill repute and had sex with one of the women. When changing positions, she told him, 'Dong ho, dong ho!' Being a clueless American, he thought the woman must be calling him studly. So when he played golf with a local businessmen the next day, he used his newly learned phrase, telling his golf partner, 'Dong ho,' as he sunk his ball into the hole. The businessman turned around with a quizzical look on his face and asked, 'What do you mean, wrong hole?'" "Oh, that's racist! That's sexual harassment!" exclaimed Lieutenant Song. "Oh, that's hilarious!" "So, Han-na, are you going to show me some of Seoul's nightlife?" Copyright 2020 Pete Prunskunas - All rights reserved. "Morning, Roo," said J.B. Stalwart as he walked with a noticable limp down the hallway of his employer.
The man dressed in a scruffy kangaroo costume was too busy trying to retain a stuffed baby kangaroo in his pouch to answer. Every time he hopped, the stuffed toy moved halfway out of the pouch. "Morning, Cobra," said Stalwart. "Ssssssssssssssssssssssssssss!" answered the man dressed in a costume vaguely resembling a snake, albeit one walking on two legs. "Is everyone here dressed like animals?" whispered Prissy Lipsmacker, top advisor to the president, with her two Secret Service agents following closely behind. "Not here. Wait until we arrive at my office," replied Stalwart. A person walked by Stalwart and Lipsmacker dressed in a head-to-toe Islamic sack with only a slit revealing the eyes, but Stalwart said nothing to the person. They walked down a hallway filled with many doors, each one with a handicapped symbol on it. "Morning, Potter," said Stalwart. "Has anyone seen Hermione? I simply must find her!" emphatically declared the man to no one in particular while dressed as a fraternity house version of Mr. Darcy from Pride & Prejudice. "Morning, Marie Antoinette," said Stalwart. "Off with their heads! Off with their heads!" repeated the bearded man dressed in lingerie topped by a 1960s bouffante wig which had been liberally sprinkled with a white powder. "Wasn't that actually said by the Queen of Hearts in Alice's Adventures in Wonderland?" whispered Lipsmacker. "Later," admonished Stalwart. "Morning, King of Beasts," said Stalwart. "Rrrrroooooaaaaarrrrr!" shouted the man dressed in a mangy and well-worn Halloween costume, but with the addition of an open fireman's flap in the rear. "Morning, Enterprise," said Stalwart. The man he addressed was too busy trying to prevent his faux-flame tail from touching the ground to answer. "Warp drive. Don't ask," implored Stalwart in an aside to Lipsmacker. "Okay, here we are. Please, go inside." They paused in front of a television showing Secretary of Defense Dijon Ragoutart being probed in testimony regarding the loss of a submarine, with the newsreader being INI's Veracious Tidings. INI NEWS VIDEO START SECRETARY DIJON RAGOUTART: Yes, Senator, we lost the USS Longbow slightly west of Guam. There are rumors that China was involved because the sub communicated shortly before its disappearance that a Chinese sub was in the area. I want to state categorically that this was just coincidence. As the leader of the China Lobby, I want to make sure that slanderous rumors are not spread regarding China. As you know, a previous president completely dismantled 'Don't Ask, Don't Tell' and ordered that gays be allowed to openly serve on all US Navy ships and subs. All ships and subs were retrofitted to add gay bath houses similar to the ones described in the book 'And the Band Played On,' with holes drilled into the walls, also known as blowholes, into which gay sailors could insert their, um, torpedo, for relief from an anonymous benefactor. From what I understand, this really improved morale among gay sailors and avoided the problem of creating permanent relationships between personnel who worked together on long voyages. And let me be quite clear on this: there is no truth to the vicious innuendo that gay sailors accidentally drilled a hole in the outer hull, causing the sub to take on water and sink. VERACIOUS TIDINGS: That gives hot-bunking an entirely new dimension, not to mention scuttlebutt. Okay, let's go to Doughty Communique with the latest on the oil spill in the Arctic. Hi, Doughty. DOUGHTY COMMUNIQUE: Hi, Vera. As you know, in November the largest drilling platform ever constructed was crushed when a Chinese supertanker collided with it. Actually, collided does not quite do it justice. The supertanker was pushed through the Russian platform, back-and-forth, a few times, by the winds during an Arctic storm after the supertanker's engines failed. Just like in BP's 2010 spill, the shut-off valves did not operate. And since there is virtually no daylight during the winter months in the Arctic, not to mention the brutal weather, there has been no serious effort to stop the spill. At the time, Senator Aqua Buddha made one of his typically bizarre statements. He proposed that the Russians should light the oil on fire to provide enough light for work crews to stop the leak. Now that the weather and daylight have cooperated enough for the work crews to get a handle on the situation, they are reporting that the oil is gushing out at a rate three times the rate of the 2010 BP spill. They estimate that the Arctic is polluted by more oil than all of the world's other spills combined. There are hundreds of square miles of black, oily water, with dead polar bears, sea lions, and countless fish and birds as far as the eye can see. We thought the story could not get any stranger, but it did. Russian president-for-life Polonium Jackov drove across the ice, bare-chested, in a Lada, toward the wreck of the drilling platform, reminiscent of the time he drove a Lada across Siberia in 2010. His Lada got stuck when the ice suddenly shifted. He exited his car to see if he could push the vehicle and free it, and was eaten by possibly the last remaining polar bear in the Arctic. Back to you, Vera. VERACIOUS TIDINGS: Thanks, Doughty. What do you get when you cross a polar bear with a Russian president? A slightly larger polar bear. Changing the subject, as you know, Treasury Secretary John Galt, assisted by Senator Buddha, started the process to return us to the gold standard during his first week in office. As soon as that became effective, China and Japan demanded to exchange their large holdings of dollars for gold. Today, Fort Knox is expected to be emptied of its entire stock of gold. The line of rented trucks was quite long, as we saw yesterday in our video reports. We asked Secretary Galt for his thoughts on this development. TREASURY SECRETARY JOHN GALT: Well, that's what a gold standard means, that paper money is guaranteed by gold and can be exchanged for it at any time. That's just capitalism. VERACIOUS TIDINGS: On an Internet topic, DroneTube has made it out of venture capital and is now live. The majority of videos on the site were taken from drones hovering just outside the windows of apartments and other residences, usually depicting people in various stages of undress or in the process of having sex. There is an extra-charge category of videos, called Exposed Éclat, with the content often consisting of videos shot above the pools and just outside the vacation houses of celebrities. These premier videos are often shot by paparazzi who have modified their technique. The director of the FBI commented that we are already seeing an explosion of child porn videos on it. And speaking of drones, the Supreme Court announced its decision in the class action lawsuit against BigWoman for its drones which have maimed countless pets and children while delivering packages. The Supreme Court found for BigWoman in a 5-4 decision, with the majority declaring that the benefit to society in terms of capitalism outweighs the injuries to a limited number of people. Staying on the subject of BigWoman, the third death in as many weeks in a BigWoman warehouse was announced today. The latest person died of heat exhaustion, the same way the others died, because BigWoman warehouses are not air conditioned. And in a related note, the head of OSHA, Resolute Probity, resigned today, with the rumor being that he was forced out due to his opposition to the administration's laissez-faire attitude with respect to worker safety. Changing gears, a compromise has finally been worked out on the modifications to the Statue of Liberty. As you remember, LGBTQ groups have been lobbying hard to modify the statue to reflect LGBTQ sensibilities. Originally they wanted an entirely new head, an androgynous one, to be installed, but now all of the parties have agreed to a much simpler modification, adding a beard to the face. Staying on the subject of LGBTQs, you'll remember that feminist lesbians were up in arms about transgenders canceling them if they refused to date a transgender, especially when the transgenders sported a penis, equipment lesbians do not want to handle. But today, the president issued an executive order mandating that it is a federal crime for anyone to refuse a sexual offer from an LGBTQ. And under pressure from NAMBLA and a number of college professors who pushed for the decriminalization of sexual relations with minors, with the latter referring to themselves as 'minor-attracted people,' the president issued another executive order, this time eliminating any penalties for adults having sex with minors. The Hollywood actor, Grabby Rumpranger, was seen shortly thereafter on the streets of Hollywood pushing barely teenaged boys into his Audi S8. We'll be right back with Secretary of the Interior Procurable Beaver, the former Hollywood Madam, and her plan to create jobs. INI NEWS VIDEO END Stalwart, Lipsmacker, and the two Secret Service agents walked into the faded glory that was Stalwart's office "To answer your question, many people here are playing make-believe, though I would never admit that in public. It all started with the president's executive order granting Title VII affirmative action rights to LGBTQs. And then he ordered the State Department to eliminate all quotas on immigration for LGBTQs, people with HIV-AIDS, and Muslims, while diminishing quotas for people around the world who were oppressed by Islamists, especially Coptics, Assyrians, and Yazidis. Companies like this one started filling up with strangely dressed people to the exclusion of everyone else. Not all of those people you saw wearing costumes are LGBTQs, but it's a moot point," continued Stalwart. "But that just leveled the playing field. It just made everyone equal," asserted Lipsmacker. "You must not get out of the office very much. Every time we advertised for a job, someone wearing a costume would apply. If we did not hire him, he filed suit against us claiming discrimination. Because of the preference policies you established, we could only hire a member of a protected class and there was often a fight over which protected class was most important," explained Stalwart. "Here's a theoretical example. Tom, Dick, and Harry all apply for a job. Tom is a twenty-something heterosexual. Dick is a twenty-something homosexual. Harry is a thirty-something heterosexual. All are qualified. Tom is hired. Dick files suit, but Harry is unable to do so. Ergo, Dick has special rights." "A number of veterans who would have been great contributors were unable to be hired. Veterans and active duty military already have it tough because of the government's elimination of the commissary subsidy. Both Republicans and Democrats voted for that," added Stalwart. "And speaking of veterans, a male soldier who lost his legs and genitals because of an IED explosion is still a man, but a man dressed as a woman who has surgery to remove his genitals is a female, or so liberals assert." "Prohibition was the first time in this country that people started massively disobeying the law. Many people drank in violation of the law, which led to organized crime becoming a major problem. Respect for the law diminished as a result. In a similar manner, it wasn't that long ago that people trusted the news. Walter Cronkite was watched by millions of Americans. Today, however, the media often flat-out lies, which has led many people to search for their own truth. Many people believe all sorts of crazy things, but it's more the fault of the media than the average American," continued Stalwart. "I noticed you did not say anything to the woman in the burka. What's her story?" asked Lipsmacker. "She applied for work, but refused to answer or speak to men. We rejected her as a candidate as a result, but she filed suit, eventually reaching the Supreme Court. The gang of nine found in her favor and ordered us to employ her while respecting her religious beliefs. We tried to place her in groups with female managers, but she had problems dealing with Jews, Christians, and other non-Muslims. Eventually we just stopped giving her anything to do," replied Stalwart. "We have a few people like her here. Some days I swear the people are taller or shorter than they were before, but since we cannot force them to remove their sacks, we cannot verify that they are actually the person on the payroll." "What was in that long hallway we walked through? Does this factory really have that many lavatories?" asked Lipsmacker. "Yes, because we had our very own game of thrones. Those are indeed all lavatories, individual ones. There are two more hallways like that one. First we only had the usual, large ones for men and women. Then we added handicapped ones. When we first started hiring LGBTQs, we expected them to use the handicapped ones. After all, they would have privacy. But no, the men dressed as women demanded to use the lavatory designed for women. And then they peed standing up, often looking over into the next stall, annoying the hell out of the women sitting there. We almost had a riot the day a man dressed as a woman went in there when a Muslim woman was in there," answered Stalwart. "The term is 'transgender,' not 'man dressed as a woman,'" chided Lipsmacker. "They are neither male nor female," retorted Stalwart. "Then we created a lavatory for Muslim women. Someone came up with the idea that we could install electronic locks on the doors and assign key cards to prevent people from using the wrong lavatory, but then we realized that we would first have to have a doctor examine everyone to determine their sex. And what were we going to do with the people in Islamic sacks? We eventually just gave up and converted the rooms with many toilets to many individually locked rooms with one toilet and sink in each one. That cost money we could not spend on necessary things." "We thought about creating one large lavatory for everyone, with all of the stalls being of European design, in other words, with walls running from the ceiling to the floor. The sink and mirror area would have been a common zone. Men thought that was okay, but some women did not like the idea," continued Stalwart. "There is a currently pending lawsuit in the appellate court regarding whether our lavatory strategy is constitutional. Our so-called transgenders are demanding the right to use a lavatory filled with other women, but our genuine women are demanding the right to use a lavatory filled with only genuine women or use individual lavatories. The immovable object meets the irresistable force," added Stalwart. "But, all things considered, all of that is nothing compared to the OSHA lawsuit." "Couldn't you find another solution to the factory's problems? After this one is closed the U.S. will no longer be a manufacturing country," pleaded Lipsmacker. "Oh, please. Were you willfully blind as to the impact of the free trade treaties and the hundreds of thousands of foreigners brought into the country under H-1B visas and other visa fictions each year? H-1B visas only serve to replace American workers with cheaper foreigners. You people might as well have been cheerleading for the end of the American worker," retorted Stalwart. "Tangerine, the proud U.S. maker of smart phones, tablets and personal computers, does not have any problems doing it. They have lots of LGBTQ employees and even have a gay man as CEO," opined Lipsmacker. "You are confusing apples with oranges," answered Stalwart. "Tangerine takes good care of its U.S.-based employees, but that's only a small percentage of its total workforce. It has presided over the deaths of at least 18 workers in Asia. Some died in factory explosions, but the majority committed suicide by jumping from the roof of a supplier's factory. Conditions must be pretty bad to kill yourself over your job. Some people try to justify the company's actions, saying that it was an independent subcontractor that was responsible, but no other companies appear to be having this problem. Smells like plausible deniability to me. Not to mention that its biggest competitor, Samster, does not kill its employees even though it is a much larger company. Not having to worry about the safety of workers is a great competitive advantage." "And let's not forget that Tangerine is allowed to pay virtually no corporate income tax. That's another immense competitive advantage as well as a gift from the government," continued Stalwart. "Not to mention that the high-tech industry is the main user -- I should really say abuser -- of H-1B visas." "So today is the 60 day plant closure notice as required by law?" asked Lipsmacker. "Yes. Our hand was forced by the lawsuit decided earlier this week. You should remember that one, given how OSHA was ordered by you to relax its safety rules. A gay guy demanded the right to wear a wedding dress while using a piece of machinery which could easily catch loose garments. We flat-out refused and instructed him to wear jeans and a t-shirt like workers have done for decades. He sued and won. Okay, we thought we'd set it up so we'd stop the machine before anything bad happened, scaring the wits out of him, but nothing worse. I will never forget the day he came to work dressed in the fluffiest wedding dress I have personally ever seen, surrounded by many reporters and federal marshals enforcing the decision. We had not planned for that. We anticipated that his clothing would become trapped in the machinery, so we increased the size of the kill switch and had a manager standing by to activate it. But everything went contrary to our assumptions. His dress was caught in a way we had not anticipated and it happened much quicker than we thought possible. The manager slipped on the dress and fell on his face while trying to reach the kill switch. Before I could activate it, the worker's arms were ripped off. A second lawsuit was filed, this time for one billion dollars. We declared Chapter 7 bankruptcy -- that's liquidation -- this morning. Workers will be lucky to receive any severance at all, with their claims competing against all other creditors," concluded Stalwart. "Excuse me, I need to begin the formalities," said Stalwart as he turned away from Lipsmacker and toward the public address system microphone. "May I have your attention." Copyright 2020 Pete Prunskunas - All rights reserved. Sometimes I think there is a direct correlation of Hollywood movies and television, but especially the latter, to politics. Take the show My Mother The Car. It was only on for one season. Various critics have declared that it was either the worst or second-worst show of all time, but I think such criticism is unfair. I heard that Democrats have ordered a remake of it to be called My Mother The Presidential Candidate, though instead of using a 1928 Porter Stanhope touring car, Democrats will use a 1967 Chevrolet Corvette Stingray.
The first episode will take place at the airport in Tuzla, Bosnia, about twenty years ago. The aforementioned mother will have been sent to Bosnia because her husband, the former president, thought it too dangerous for him. Instead, he sent her, his only legal child, and a comedian in his place. She will land at the airport under withering sniper fire and be forced to run with her head down to get into a vehicle. Even though there are bullets raining down upon their heads, she will find time to stop and have her picture taken with an eight-year-old local girl. She's so brave, this mother. The first episode of the original series was "Come Honk Your Horn," but the first episode of the new one will be "She Honks Her Own Horn." One actor will play an ongoing role in the show, especially with respect to shows situated in North Africa. For some reason I cannot remember his name. All I can think of is the name of the late, great, character actor, Ben Gazzara. What's that you say? Oh, of course, it's Ben Ghazi. How could I forget? A very important actor! Another episode will involve a helicopter which is forced to land after being struck by a rocket-propelled grenade. A notable co-star in that episode will be a former news anchor. The name of that episode has not been decided yet, but it will probably be "The Life Of Brian Williams." An episode in three parts will illustrate men engaged in daily dalliances, amour du jour, if you will. Part I will feature the mother's husband, with him using state troopers to facilitate his tawdry romps. She will be accused of defending a man who should have been chastised, at the very least, for his many indiscretions. As with other episodes, the title has not been nailed down yet, but the short list includes "Notorious," "Close Encounters Of The Tobacco Kind," and "A State Patrol Car Named Desire." Part II will feature a famous comedian, but his licentious behavior will be of the form of forced frolics. The plot twist will involve the use of medications to make the women sufficiently pliable. The title is still being debated, but it will most likely be either "Little Shop of Quaalude Horrors" or "Bill Cosby And The Lust Crusade." Part III will feature both of them, titled "Wild Bills." A new episode which is still being written is in reference to the allowing of Muslims into the country without vetting so they can perform lone-wolf attacks. The name has yet to be selected, but it will probably be "Clear And Present Danger," "The Manchurian Candidates," or "Enemy At The Gates." An adventurous episode will include a member of the opposite political party, one who is a vociferous, even odious, advocate of using H-1B and other visa fictions to replace American workers with less competent, but cheaper foreigners, so that corporate officers will continue to receive the pampering to which they have become accustomed. This will actually be the third version of the movie, with the original one being a classic from the early 1950s. The title will be "The Day The Job Market Stood Still," with Gort being replaced by ChatGPT. Another episode will be a remake of "And Leave The Drive-In To Us," but it will involve a dream sequence where the car is actually a biological male who thinks he's female, though he acts much like any queer male. He will cruise retail parking lots and drive-ins, looking for males to suck his stickshift. He'll obnoxiously honk his horn at every attractive male he sees, delusionally thinking that they will want to service him. A remake of "Goldporter" will involve the president and his drug-addicted son, though it will be renamed "Gold-laptop." The car will travel to countries willing to give large amounts of gold for favors at the highest level. It will feature that well-known song, "Hey Joe, where you goin' with that Chinese and Ukrainian money in your hand?" An episode that uses the name of the original one, "An Unreasonable Facsimile," involves another a dream sequence with a biological male who thinks he's female. He will drive into a Christian bakery and demand that they bake him a cake that's pink on the inside and oily on the outside. When the bakery refuses, his lawyers will sue, regardless of the fact that there is a constitutional amendment regarding freedom of religion, but none regarding homosexuality. An episode which has nothing to do with the original series will explain how none of the Biden family went to prison, with that episode being named "Swindler's List." The 19th episode of the original series was named "The Incredible Shrinking Car." For the new one, the script will be drastically modified. This mother will ignore basic rules of government security, with the new episode titled "The Incredible Shrinking Email Server." From what I understand, there was an argument over the name, with some wanting to call it "Lord Of The Files" and others paraphrasing that old AOL standard, "You've Got Jail!" An entirely new episode will touch on rumors that a personal friend of the mother is actually the biological father of her daughter. That episode will be named "Webster Hubbell Always Rings Twice." The second-to-last episode of the original series was "When You Wish Upon a Car." The plot involved the mother-mobile convincing the owner's children that she was actually a magic genie who would grant wishes when they rubbed her with a magic cloth. The plot for the new series was completely revamped. The genie is now named Huma, with her granting wishes for the mother and keeping quiet about it afterward. And all of the rubbing is done to the mother's husband. The new episode will be named "When You Wish Upon A Tsar." The last episode of the new series will feature the current president and be a remake of the 23rd episode, which was titled "My Son, the Criminal." No need to change the name. Elements of another episode of the original series -- "Desperate Minutes" -- will be added, involving Joey realizing that he has precious little time left to pardon all of his family. But the episode and the season will conclude with a happy ending. The Corvette will run over and mangle the head of the teacher's union. Most of television is forgettable. There are so few shows like the first season of Remington Steele, all of The Rocky and Bullwinkle Show, and the Halloween episodes of The Simpsons. It's interesting that two of the writers for My Mother The Car were writers for Bullwinkle and another is now an executive producer of The Simpsons. Remington Steele was entertaining because it lifted plots and titles from many classic movies. Before Friends, before Beverly Hills, 90210, there were shows that looked like soap operas with better actors and larger budgets, especially for clothes. Dynasty, Dallas, and Charlie's Angels come to mind. Everyone in those three shows looked as if they had been dressed by a fashion magazine editor. I never understood Dynasty, though. How people could accept that one family should remain in power, year after year, is beyond me. Question: What's the difference between a fashion magazine editor and a chipmunk? Answer: Chipmunks are not afraid to wear fur in public. We know exactly what another Clinton / Obama / Biden presidency would be like. In November 1996, Barbara Castor, a 76-year-old northern Colorado widow, was tied to an old dam and left to die while her two teenaged murderers, one black and one white, watched TV and played pool in her house. Then in October 1998, Matthew Shepard, a young queer man who wanted to trade meth for sex, was beaten, tied to a fence, and left to die. One of the attackers was a strung-out queer hustler, but that fact was lost in the rush to canonize Shepard as a victim of so-called hate crimes, with Obama signing the addition to the statutes. Bill Clinton sent two representatives to Shepard's funeral, but none for Castor. Then in August 2014, Michael Brown was shot and killed by a police officer in Ferguson. False stories were spread alleging that Brown actually had his hands up when he was shot. Riots ensued all over the country in protest. But just a few months later, in November 2014, newlywed and recent immigrant from Bosnia, Zemir Begic, died in St. Louis University Hospital after being beaten to death by teenaged black and Hispanic attackers using hammers. The only protest over Begic's murder was a small one by the Bosnian community in St. Louis. Liberals never allow the facts to get in the way of a good story. Trump had some good ideas, but his toxic personality sabotaged his presidency. Liberals continually tried to convince us that the race war started on his watch, but it definitely started on Obama's watch. Obama served from January 2009 to January 2017. Black Lives Matter was created in July 2013. Beyonce's Black Panther tribute during the Superbowl happened in February 2016. The sniper murder of five Dallas police officers, with twelve officers shot in all, occurred in July 2016. And the so-called knockout game, while not strictly started during Obama's watch, ramped-up in that time period, with the only victims being whites and Asians. Black lives matter, but no more than European-Americans, Asian-Americans, and all other kinds, regardless of what Beyonce, Gavin "gruesome" Newsom, Nikole Hannah-Jones, or Ibram X. Kendi think. Not to mention that the Biden family carries more baggage than Michelle Obama returning from a European shopping expedition. Some of you advocated for Biden to be removed from office due to his diminished mental capacity, but you never took it to the next step. President Kamala "word salad" Harris? Are you insane? It's time for a new direction. So, permit me to introduce the next president. © 2018-2023 Pete Prunskunas "It's okay, Byezoolichka, it happens to all guys," purred Gimnastka Slutskaya.
"It's all because of Ukraine," offered Byez Rubashka. "I realize that being president of Russia is a big job, but you need to forget about it when you're away from it all," she continued. "Tonight I will set up my vault apparatus in the bedroom. That always puts you in a good mood." "Not tonight Gimi," he replied. "I have to visit Crimea." "Are those woman who protest by removing their shirts going to be there? You know, Boobs-R-Us?" she asked. "I wish they were. They always brightened my day. No, they disbanded after what happened to them in Iraq. They thought they would show Islamic State the usual routine -- take their shirts off and display their breasts with political slogans written on them -- but as soon as they did that, they were gang-raped by hundreds of Islamists. As far as I know, every one of them was raped to death," he explained. "Including the ringleader, the stripper who cut down wooden crosses with a chainsaw?" she inquired. "Yes, she was one of them," he answered. "This weekend, let's visit your $1.5 billion Black Sea palace. That place is really cool. It reminds me of the palaces of the former tzars," she cooed. "That's the point, my limber one," he concluded. * * * * * "I'll be there in five minutes. I just want to watch the headlines," said Ukrainian President Duzhe Horobri as he walked around his desk and pressed the power button on the television in his office. INI VIDEO START "This is INI Headlines with Veracious Tidings," announced the crisp, professional voice. VERACIOUS TIDINGS: Good evening. We start with Ukraine. Let's go live to Hardy Chronicle in Mariupol. HARDY CHRONICLE: Hi, Vera. I've learned that the Donetsk region is now completely occupied by Ukrainian forces. You may remember that the fight for the airport was a tough one a few weeks ago. Horlivka and Shakhtarsk have also been retaken. Ukrainian forces are relentlessly pushing east to the border region. Separatists now only control the bulge defined by Luhansk on the north and the 90-degree turn at the border to the south. Professor Voland, the former separatist leader of the Donetsk region, was burned alive after Ukrainian forces caught him trying to escape dressed as an old woman. Novoazovsk will be a tough nut to crack because Rostov-on-Don, a major Russian city, lies directly to the east, not far at all. It appears to be a last stand, a separatist Alamo, if you will. Things have really changed since the invasion started one month ago. Mariupol was being bombed without mercy, with apartment buildings leveled by Russian missiles. Now, Ukrainian forces are searching for unexploded ordnance in the rubble, with Russian forces either having surrendered or retreated to eastern Ukraine. VERACIOUS TIDINGS: Hardy, Russia has been directly supplying separatists with weapons by driving them across the border. Has the Ukrainian military been able to reduce that flow? HARDY CHRONICLE: Yes, Vera. Slowly the Ukrainian army was winning the fight, but as you said, the separatists were being resupplied. The organizations which deal in satellite imagery, such as Spot Image and Maxar, have been secretly supplying Kiev with almost continuous imagery for some time now. Kiev has been able to target most Russian convoys entering Ukraine, destroying them with artillery. rockets, and hand-held missiles, for example, Javelin. Novoazovsk, on the other hand, is being resupplied by both land and sea. And I sometimes see weapons which appear to be out of place for the Ukrainian military. Some countries are supplying arms on the sly. I've seen a few drones with attached missiles sporting Israeli markings. The destruction of Russian convoys has been absolutely ferocious, with the personnel of entire convoys being ground to dust. The war resembles the Winter War, which started when the Soviet Union invaded Finland in late 1939. Finland held its own, inflicting at least an order of magnitude greater casualties than it suffered, until springtime when the Soviets were able to drive tanks in large numbers into Finland. One big difference between that conflict and the one here is that Finland only had Molotov cocktails to destroy tanks, and nothing to fight Soviet aircraft, while Ukrainians have a number of different anti-tank and anti-aircraft weapons to destroy Russian hardware, which they are using to great effect. The Winter War ended with Finland surrendering around 10% of its territory, but Ukrainians are determined to not allow history to repeat. And continuing on the Winter War theme, a large number of Russian soldiers have frozen to death -- I mean, frozen solid -- because they were not given proper gear. I'm reminded of the grotesque photos of Soviet soldiers frozen in contorted positions. Oh, and on a slightly different subject, Russian President Byez Rubashka is traveling to Crimea today to give a speech. It's expected that some Crimeans will give him a rough reception, given that tourism, formally a major contributor to the economy, has fallen from the sky. VERACIOUS TIDINGS: Thanks, Hardy. Now let's go to Doughty Communique in Kiev. DOUGHTY COMMUNIQUE: Hi, Vera. We finally know why that long column of Russian troops and equipment stopped short of Kiev. There are a number of factors. Russian troops are almost suicidal after learning that Russian President Byez Rubashka lied to them about Ukraine being a hive of Nazis, if you'll excuse the mixed metaphor. They have left their vehicles and spend their time drinking. Some of them have sabotaged vehicles and weapons. Many fuel tanks have been punctured, adding to the Russian army's extreme fuel shortages. It's amazing that Rubashka could not understand that many Russian families have inter-married with Ukrainians. Many Russian soldiers refuse to fire on Ukrainians, military or civilian, though sadly there are plenty of neo-Bolsheviks willing to murder for fun. VERACIOUS TIDINGS: You also have news regarding refugees, right? DOUGHTY COMMUNIQUE: As you know, more than a million people, many of them children, left the separatist enclaves in eastern Ukraine and traveled to cities in Russia: Tomsk, Ulyanovsk, Yakutsk, Magadan, and others. Their houses and/or cities were destroyed. Ukrainian President Duzhe Horobri announced today that these people will not be allowed back into Ukraine. He said it is obvious where the loyalties of these people lie. He expects their husbands and male family members to join them soon, after the two separatist redoubts are finally taken. He believe that these people would constitute a fifth column in Ukraine. When asked if his actions were the same as the movement of ethnic minorities that occurred after WWII, he replied: "Perhaps, but given that this war started with Russians in Ukraine attempting to slice a section off for themselves, I believe my decision is justified. We expect many more Russians to voluntarily move to Russia now that their Soviet dream has been crushed." But more refugees, true Ukrainians, almost ten million, have left Ukraine for Poland, Slovakia, Hungary, and Romania. Some even traveled to Moldova, but that is problematic because of the tiny slice of the USSR called Transnistria which sits on the border between Ukraine and Moldova. Residents of Transnistria are firm believers in Rubashka's propaganda. The after-effects will reverberate throughout Europe for many years. Back to you, Vera. VERACIOUS TIDINGS: Thanks, Doughty. Stay with INI for all the latest news. INI VIDEO END * * * * * "President Rubashka, while we are flying to Crimea, would you like to watch some television?" asked one of his personal servants. "Turn on Russian Reality. My favorite newsreader is about to start," replied Rubashka. "As you wish, my lord," the servant said, as he pressed the power button for the television situated about 1/2 meter from Rubashka. "And don't forget to wipe down the controls after you're finished. I don't want any of your cooties," demanded Rubashka. RUSSIAN REALITY TV START LABIA LIKOV: This is Russian Reality TV, with all the news you need to know. Labia Likov here. The situation is firming up nicely in Ukraine. The fascists who executed a coup d'etat are slowly losing their will to fight and the people are reclaiming their birthright. Even the people of Western Ukraine are beginning to realize that the current government is dangerous to their health. It's clear to everyone that having Cheka Strelnikov as the new president is the only solution. Fascism will never be accepted by the patriots in the east of the country. Theirs is the natural reaction of people who are defending their rights. We hope that common sense prevails before any more people are killed. There has been ugly innuendo regarding the bombing of apartment buildings, kindergartens, and other civilian properties. All of these have been the result of banderovsky elements punishing ordinary Ukrainians. Russians would never do such a thing. I also want to make it clear that there is no truth to the rumor that Russia had a prisoner swap with Ukraine. No Russian soldiers have been taken prisoner in Ukraine. Russia merely had pity on the families of Ukrainian soldiers captured in the fascists' war of aggression and decided to do the right thing, as we always do. Our glorious leader, President Byez Rubashka, is flying to Crimea today to accept the thanks of the people for rescuing them from the grip of the falangists. He will stay overnight and return to Moscow tomorrow. Onher Chappedbutt, deported from America in a group of ten alleged spies, has opened another branch of her brothel with a spy theme, The Russia House, this time in Crimea. To remind you of what she has to offer, we have a graphic showing the services offered with their associated code words. GRAPHIC BEGIN Undercover: sex in room with bed Shadow: sex up against wall in hall Sleeper Cell: one girl in room for all night Infiltration: vaginal intercourse Tail A Subject: anal intercourse Kim Philby: both vaginal and anal sex Debriefing: striptease Interrogation: oral sex MacGyver: using sex toys La Femme Nikita: lesbian encounter for female customer The Third Man: ménage à trois for female customers Surveillance: watch other people having sex Double Agent: sex with two girls Fifth Column: orgy Atomic Blonde: nude girl with florescent-painted parts in black-light room The Good Shepherd: sex with a sheep The Hunt For Red October: a scavenger hunt for sex toys GRAPHIC END Chappedbutt's harlots have created a few terms of their own for use in their work. We have a graphic showing these terms. GRAPHIC BEGIN Cone Of Silence: condom Dead Drop: customer who cannot achieve an erection Spy Hard: customer who took Viagra Microdot: customer with puny penis Agent Cody Banks: boy wanting to lose virginity The Man With The Golden Gun: customer who fell asleep in the sun while nude Danger Man: customer who wants sex without condom GRAPHIC END We wish her great success in her newest location. In other news, we have more details on the scandal involving Italian President Smegma Phallusconi. You'll remember that he was caught in flagrante delicto with a 16-year-old prostitute. We just learned that one of the people who burst in on Phallusconi was carrying a state-of-the-art digital camera. This person snapped a few high resolution photos of Phallusconi's private parts and posted them on his website. He announced that there is a section of Phallusconi's penis which contains an amazingly lifelike depiction of the Virgin Mary, but only when he has an erection, as the folds otherwise obscure the revelation. Tens of thousands of Italians have surrounded his house, beseeching him to give them the full Virgin Mary. We'll let you know what happens. Finally, in San Diego, California, a Muslim woman dressed in a blue burka was standing next to the main tank when one of the killer whales rose up and knocked her into the tank. The whales then tossed her into the air and batted her about until trainers could distract them. Police speculated that because the whales could not see that it was a human in the burka, they thought it was a large, blue, beach toy. The investigation continues. We'll be right back. RUSSIAN REALITY TV END * * * * * "Mr. President, the President of the European Council is on the phone," interrupted the Ukrainian president's assistant. "Alain, how are you? I'm flying to Warsaw to meet with the NATO ministers. I suspect they are not predisposed to Ukraine's entry because of the potential cost and risk. However, Ukraine's entry into the EU is paramount. We really need that to start the transition away from Russia's influence. I need to talk to you about ships bringing natural gas to ports in Mariupol and other cities. Sure, nuclear power might be a solution for the long-term, but I'm worried about the short-term, like the current winter," began Horobri. "Yes, I heard that Rubashka called for statehood for eastern Ukraine. That's a clear admission that his tactics have failed. He is grasping at straws now," added Horobri. "You know, sometimes I think of the children, parents, and teachers who were slaughtered in Beslan in 2004. The whole thing went tragically wrong because Rubashka and his cronies were grossly incompetent and corrupt. The Ingush and Chechen savages bribed their way through police checkpoints. Russian authorities never secured the area around School Number 1 to prevent the many amateurs from interfering. We'll never know who fired first, but if commandos had been the only troops present, they could have killed the savages much faster, reducing the death toll of innocents," opined Horobri. "Russia refused to allow Chechnya and the other Caucasian countries to become independent, yet it demands that Ukraine allow Russians in Eastern Ukraine to be set free. It's always about Russians, with Georgia and South Ossetia being a perfect example," interjected Horobri. "We are already opening new McDonald's restaurants in the cleared parts of the so-called Novorossiya. The cuisine is not my favorite, but Ukraine will allow consumers to choose which restaurants exist," finished Horobri. * * * * * "Ubistvo, remember what happened the last time you launched an SA-11 Buk missile? Women and children rained down from the sky. You killed people from all over the world, ones who had nothing to do with our fight for independence," cautioned Nescient Ovis. "We've been through this before. All of those people were already dead," claimed Ubistvo Lyubovnik. "It was a Western and fascist plot to implicate the motherland." "Ubistvo, you are the commander of separatist forces in Novoazovsk, but sometimes you remind me of the movie-hero Alexander Nevsky just after a double-dose of meth," answered Ovis. "That fascist Horobri is flying today from Kiev to Warsaw, which takes him over Southern Ukraine, right over our beloved Buk," asserted Lyubovnik. "Do you really think he would fly over our territory?" queried Ovis. "Not to mention that flying over eastern Ukraine is going out of the way." "He thinks he has already won. I will show him and his American puppet-masters how to play the game," declared Lyubovnik. "Okay, button 'A' to arm, button 'R' to release safeties, and button 'L' to launch. Buk means tree, but in this case, it is the tree of death. Buk, Buk, Buk, you're the source of all our luck!" "We'll meet again, don't know where, don't know when," sang Lyubovnik as he pressed buttons. The missile ignited and accelerated skyward. * * * * * "Absolutely, Onher. I have visited all of your other bordellos. I would not miss the opening of another one, if you catch my drift," assured Rubashka. "Legs, Onher; it was a joke. Did you build a presidential suite in Crimea? You know how I hate to mingle with ordinary people." "I hope you did not invite Teddy Sneg. He is insufferable, always taking himself so seriously. I have the impression he believes the world is going to crown him king of the truth-tellers or some other nonsense. When is he going to realize that we are simply using him to embarrass the US?" continued Rubashka. "Hold on for a second, okay?" "What's that down below us? Is that a contrail? What ..." © 2015-2022 Pete Prunskunas "Madame Prime Minister, are there one or two events which stand out in your mind in terms of importance for triggering the world's rapid decline?" queried Moira Davidson, chief foreign affairs correspondent for The Australian Journal.
"The two initial events were China's anti-satellite weapons launched into space and Britain's acceptance of sharia as equal to established law," replied British Prime Minister Persnickety Naiflass. "However, I would have to add America's demonic infatuation with unfettered capitalism and rabid woke politics." "The transition between American presidents was well-planned, at least by China," began Naiflass. "The outgoing president, Cheshire Cat, was severely hampered by dementia, with a good example being his incompetent decision regarding the pullout of US troops from Afghanistan. Cat's vice president, Venal Trollop, who got her political start by sleeping with the much older mayor of San Francisco, ran for office as president in his place and won. After the election, she met with the Chinese who told her what she wanted to hear, that they would renegotiate all trade arrangements and cease their aggression in the South China Sea. The way she greeted the press after her China trip reminded me of those historic photos of Neville Chamberlain waving a piece of paper above his head and declaring that he had guaranteed peace in our time." "China mentioned that it would test anti-satellite weapons at that meeting, right?" interrupted Davidson. "Yes, and it held a press conference days later explaining that it had learned from its previous tests. Every country which had satellites in space loudly complained, because China had already destroyed a satellite in space, creating an enormous cloud of debris. China announced that it would destroy two spent boosters in low earth orbit, so the debris would soon exit orbit and burn up upon reentry," answered Naiflass "But, Madame Prime Minister, China had another agenda entirely," interjected Alice Munro, chief foreign correspondent for Canadian Affairs Daily. "Indeed. The test was scheduled for inauguration day, timed to occur at the time of the handover of power," continued Naiflass. "The boosters were actually reverse-stealth ones from what I heard," added Munro. "I heard that from the Americans, but that conclusion was based on some assumptions. We did not appreciate that China had launched extra boosters ahead of time. I mean, the Five-Eyes countries knew about all China's launches, but we did not understand the payloads. The missiles were actually three stage models, with the third stages being specially designed to create as many secondary particles as possible, similar to the vests of suicide bombers. The outsides of the third stages were built to fool ground radar into thinking they were actually lower than they were," explained Naiflass. "Do you know any specifics of their exteriors?" asked Davidson. "No, I really don't. We argued over whether they had extra surfaces to passively reflect as much radar as possible or they were actively doing so with amplifiers. NORAD knew something was amiss because the radar data just did not make sense -- they sometimes appeared to be rather enormous -- but it did not sound an alarm," replied Naiflass. "China's two launches on inauguration day did not target the boosters at all, correct?" asked Munro. "They targeted the two US spy satellites watching China and North Korea. The boosters already in orbit then exploded, filling certain orbits with thousands of baseball-sized pieces of metal. It wasn't until days later, after careful analysis of the data and the loss of communication with the satellites, that we realized that the orbits which held the remaining spy satellites were filled with junk, shredding all of them in time," answered Naiflass. "The boosters were cleverly designed, with sub-units that shifted to slightly different orbits before exploding." "The Chinese government apologized in the faux sincere manner we have seen many times, saying that they were sorry for the damage," continued Naiflass. "Entire classes of satellites were eliminated from what I heard. Would you agree with that?" queried Davidson. "I would. Debris headed directly for the International Space Station, which just happened to be in the final minutes of the docking of a regular resupply mission via an autonomous spacecraft. The missile ripped all of the ISS modules apart, with the remnants then spinning wildly in space, not to mention that all of the astronauts were killed. We saw a cascade of collisions, first one satellite, then a spent booster, then another satellite, and so on -- the scientific term for this is Kessler Syndrome -- with the ISS and Envisat, the largest civilian Earth observation satellite ever launched into space, being the largest contributors of debris after the Chinese boosters. The owners of active satellites quickly used all of their available maneuvering fuel in an unsuccessful attempt to avoid the orbital mayhem. Within two weeks, the commonly used orbits looked like the aftermath of one of those American demolition derby races. Iridium and other communications satellites, along with the James Webb space telescope and the KH-12s, are now shiny space junk. It is almost impossible to put a satellite into a useful orbit now. Don't forget that all manned spacecraft have used low Earth orbits, except for the moon-bound Apollo ones. It will take decades of expensive cleanup to make space safe again," replied Naiflass. "We had become very dependent on satellites. Satellite phones stopped working, so people out of sight of cellular towers are now incommunicado. GPS satellites traveled in medium Earth orbits, so they were safe for a time -- the farther out a satellite is, the more empty space there is in the orbit -- but now most of them have since been trashed so most GPS devices no longer function. The US military is severely hampered by this, as every single vehicle, aircraft, ship, and soldier was dependent upon receiving accurate GPS data. The Russians were not very happy about their version of GPS, GLONASS, being shredded," continued Naiflass. "The geostationary weather satellites still function because their orbits were too high for the space junk, but polar orbiting weather satellites were quickly trashed, with the latter being much more useful because of their proximity to Earth. America was not much affected by this, given their GOES satellites, but their DMSP satellites were destroyed, causing some problems for their military. The Russians have their Elektro-L, the Japanese have their MTSAT, the Indians have their INSAT, and we here in Europe have Meteosat, but some parts of the world have old-fashioned weather -- unpredictable, as it used to be before satellites," added Naiflass. "We lost the operational control of all drones, Predator, Reaper, Sentinel, Global Hawk, and the new ones which were just coming online after being developed in Nevada, because they depended upon GPS. The Americans had become comfortable in their arrangement of stationing pilots there, but that required satellite links. We really don't know what Islamists are doing in many countries now," continued Naiflass. "And, to be honest, I was amazed at the reaction of the US government and US corporations. Instead of treating China's behavior as an act of war, which it clearly was, the libertarian jackals earning billions of dollars via trade with China, for example, Walmart, Amazon, Home Depot, and Dell, burned up the telephone lines to their bought-and-paid-for politicians and demanded that we not interrupt the gravy train," finished Naiflass. "Trollop only whimpered a response to the American people. And her transgender Defense Secretary, appointed soon after the event, was only interested in having her photo taken in locations where no one had ever been photographed wearing a dress, for example, in the commander's position in a tank, in a fighter jet, and in the captain's chair of an aircraft carrier." "In your opinion, did China truly understand what it was doing with the orbital destruction?" queried Munro. "I have no definitive answer. They wanted to show the world, albeit in a passive-aggressive manner, that China was the leader in the field. They wanted to eliminate the US advantage in spy satellites. But I think they did not understand until later that their junk will remain in orbit for many generations to come unless actively removed by some type of hoovering spacecraft," answered Naiflass. "But then the curtain rose on the second act of the West's tragedy," suggested Davidson. "Nicely put," commended Naiflass. "Yes, the hostility between China and Japan finally reached its crest over the Diaoyu / Senkaku islands, depending upon which country's language one wishes to use. Both countries had been engaged in a low-grade war over those and other islands for a good number of years. Many ships had collided in games of chicken and intimidation, with a few sinking, but the damage was always so minimal that all sailors were able to escape with their lives. Then China upped the ante with its second aircraft carrier, the Shuangdao, which was sent to the islands to guard the landing force which China planned to use to occupy the islands. Japan had warned China that landings would not be tolerated. Japan pulled the trigger with multiple torpedoes launched toward the carrier. The carrier sank quickly with the loss of around 3000 sailors." "My colleagues in China at that time told us that the average Chinese person went ballistic over the sinking and demanded that the government retaliate in a big way," added Davidson. "Interesting choice of words -- ballistic -- given what happened later. China began implementing a cyber-attack using the code from Stuxnet and Flame, but took it one step farther. As you might remember, those cyber-attacks against Iran were specifically targeted against its nuclear centrifuges. Yes, there was a handful of other computers which were hit, but for the most part it was only centrifuges which were affected. This time, China was targeting everything and anything Japanese: nuclear power generating plants, dams and their associated hydroelectric generation facilities, factories of all sorts, banks, military command and control, government institutions, you name it, they targeted it. To paraphrase the former leader of Pakistan, China was going to cyber-bomb Japan back into the stone age," continued Naiflass. "Australians were glued to their televisions, PC monitors, and smartphones as we watched this disaster porn. We were more interested than most countries because fallout from a local nuclear war, if it came to that, might cause the movie On The Beach to come true," added Davidson. "Here in Britain we started called it the phony Asian war in comparison to the lack of hostilities between Nazi Germany and Britain shortly after the invasion of Poland. We were as surprised as anyone when China finally unleashed its revenge. They had emailed untold numbers of emails containing malware to specifically targeted individuals, employing a technique known as spear phishing, with these emails appearing to do nothing for a few months, so Japanese anti-virus protection did not sound the alarm. Chinese crackers had placed malware on web sites Japanese targets were known to frequent, in the maneuver known as a watering hole attack. And the few spies China had in Japan were able to insert USB flash drives containing malware directly into PCs controlling infrastructure in a manner reminiscent of the Stuxnet attacks," continued Naiflass. "All of a sudden, every Japanese power plant suffered severe problems. In some cases, the workers were able to shut the reactor down without any release of radiation. But in about half the Japanese reactors -- and keep in mind that Japan obtained between one-fourth and one-third of its electricity from nuclear reactors before the war -- there was some kind of meltdown and/or vessel breach. In more than a few, the highly ironic China Syndrome occurred, with the core melting through the reactor floor. There were many, many Fukushima-style disasters happening at once. Millions of Japanese were forced to move to other parts of the islands. Millions lost their jobs and homes," added Naiflass. "Why didn't the US retaliate as its defense treaty with Japan obligated it to do?" asked Munro. "Japan was not exactly blameless, as it had killed thousands of Chinese sailors, not to mention that it is difficult to conclusively prove who the perpetrator was. Also, I learned through the back channels that China warned the US that it would consider any attack on the behalf of Japan as a clear declaration of total war. Trollop was frozen with indecision, panic-stricken she would go down in history as the one responsible for initiating a nuclear exchange. And, of course, China was America's banker and supplier of the vast majority of its goods, as the US had long ago outsourced most of its manufacturing base to China, India, Vietnam, and other countries," answered Naiflass. "It's problematic waging war against your largest industrial supplier," added Naiflass. "Given Japan's response to the cyber-attack, don't you think her non-response was the correct move?" countered Munro. "Japan's response was downright shocking, considering that it had been devastated by two atomic bombs at the end of WWII and tried to rub the nose of the US in it at every opportunity. It launched two weapons many of us would never have guessed it had, hydrogen bombs specifically designed for minimum fallout and maximum EMP. We were ignorant of these weapons partially because of China's indirect destruction of all spy satellites," replied Naiflass. "Did Japan minimize the fallout because of the possibility of the cloud traveling to Japan?" asked Davidson. "And when you refer to EMP, you mean electromagnetic pulse, right?" "Yes and yes. Japan did not care if fallout rained down on China, but Japan's islands are in the path of normal winds blowing from China. And EMP is a burst of electromagnetic radiation resulting from a nuclear blast which usually destroys electronic and electrical equipment," answered Naiflass. "The first device was exploded between Beijing and Qingdao in Shandong Province, the home of its North Sea Fleet headquarters, as an air burst. The intent of it was to fry just about every electronic device within sight and I mean that literally. If someone could see the explosion, any device in the area was pretty much guaranteed to be converted to so much junk. Nuclear physics is not my strong suit so I cannot tell you the altitude of the blast, but I would think it was somewhere between 50 and 100 km. If it had been much higher, the radiation could have destroyed many satellites in low Earth orbit similar to how the US destroyed satellites in July 1962 with its Starfish Prime nuclear blast at 400 km above the Johnston Atoll -- if the Chinese had not already destroyed them, of course. Many cities were affected. Factories immediately stopped operations. Hydroelectric plants ceased to function. Warehouses full of electronic products destined for the West were now full of products only useful for recycling. China lost billions of dollars in a flash," continued Naiflass. "And all of a sudden, Germany is back to being the world's largest exporter," mused Naiflass. "But the second device failed to explode properly. It was intended to explode halfway between Ningbo in Zhejiang Province, the home of China's East Sea Fleet, and Zhanjiang in Guangdong Province, the home of China's South Sea Fleet, but something went wrong. The conventional explosive did indeed go off, but for some reason it did not trigger the next, nuclear, stage. Instead of a nuclear explosion intended to fry the electronics in the remaining two ports, it resulted in a highly lethal dirty bomb which rained down over hundreds of square kilometers. Millions of Chinese people were forced to evacuate, and needless to say, the government had no plans for that. Many people were killed in the stampede to escape the kill zone," explained Naiflass. "Japan failed in its main objectives. It neutralized many smaller ships of the North Sea Fleet, but all nuclear and diesel submarines were away and therefore saved, reminding me of the Japanese attack on Pearl Harbor when the American carriers were at sea. The vast cave-like base on Hainan Island, which was built to house submarines and carriers, was unaffected," continued Naiflass. "The world held its breath for a few days, hoping that another nuclear shoe would not drop. Luckily, that was the end of the atomic portion of the war, but China had one more card up its sleeve. Japanese Prime Minister Yasukuni Kishi had rearmed Japan with lots of expensive new ships and aircraft, but as I mentioned, all Chinese submarines and many other ships were ready for battle. All of these ships fired a massive salvo at every ship, airfield, and command and control center Japan had, as well as every dam and electrical generation plant. Thousands of missiles and torpedos were launched and they all struck home because Japan's defensive machinery was still out-of-order due to the cyber-attack. Japan lost many lives in the floods following the burst dams. Not to mention the water which could no longer be used for drinking, farming, or any other purpose. Kishi now ruled over a nation with little remaining electrical generation capability, tens of millions of refugees, a severe water shortage, virtually no military capability, and a host of other problems. He was strung up and sliced to bits with samurai swords by angry Japanese, comparable to what Japanese soldiers did to many Chinese, Korean, Filipino, and other civilians and POWs during the second world war," added Naiflass. "All things considered, Japan had been very lucky. Many people in the Chinese government wanted to level Japan using nuclear weapons. They considered this payback for the way Japan treated China during the second world war," continued Naiflass. "On the subject of Australia's reaction to Japan's use of a nuclear weapon, you probably heard that the Australian navy is preventing any Japanese whaling ships from hunting for whales," offered Davidson. "Yes, I was told by the prime minister that Australian navy ships give whalers a choice: turn around and head back to port or prepare to be fired upon. From what I understand, the first few ships needed a few blasts from a .50 caliber machine gun before taking the threat seriously, but now whalers have essentially given up," continued Naiflass. "Many Australians are ecstatic over this, especially given that some of the nuclear fallout rained over Australia. Perhaps you do not know what happened near Taijii in the cove Japan has been using to kill 20,000 dolphins each year. Someone, almost certainly an Australian, determined the audible frequency most hated by dolphins and created a waterproof transmitter device to radiate that frequency. This device was placed in the very end of the cove. Dolphins rapidly moved away from the end of the cove. This person then threw in another one further down the cove, doing this until there were no more dolphins at all in the cove. Now we have learned that this same person makes sure that the devices are always transmitting. The slaughter is finally concluded," finished Davidson. A blood-curdling scream was heard coming from the salon next door. Davidson and Munro's eyes went wide, but Naiflass hardly reacted at all, as she had heard it before. "Do you think the proponents of Brexit understood the potential fall-out with respect to Islam?" asked Munro. "Some Brexit proponents thought that it would solve our problem with Islamists, when we already had a critical mass of home-grown ones on our island," added Naiflass. "We should have stayed in the EU and fought to change the system from inside. We should have simply refused to implement Brussels' ridiculous rulings, for example, when they told us we could not deport child molesters, rapists, and murderers because they had a family in the UK. And Brexit did not reduce immigration as much as people thought it would because the majority of our immigration came from outside the EU, especially from Pakistan and other Islamic countries." "Not to mention Scotland voting for independence shortly after the Brexit fallout," concluded Naiflass. "And then mandating that children as young as four could choose their sex and undergo sex change surgeries." "Do you think the events of the past decade constitute a third world war or are they different than that?" queried Davidson. "The two world wars were essentially wars between two sides, albeit with many players around the world. Most people believed that a third one, if it ever came to that, would be largely the same. No, the past years resembled a bar fight. World leaders often did not know which side to choose. I am embarrassed to say that Britain and America chose rather badly," continued Naiflass. "But in our defense, things were so different than the world to which we had grown accustomed. The US had been the leader of the free world since 1945. When it stopped playing that role, some of us naively hoped that China would assume that mantle. But no, China only pursued its own selfish interests, with many countries being cut adrift," opined Naiflass. "North America used to be the industrial and economic powerhouse of the world. Now, only my country remains as a serious contender in North America. In your view, what were the causes for the downfall of the US?" asked Munro. "Churchill wrote a series of books on the second world war. If I had time left, I would devote an entire volume to the demise of the US," announced Naiflass. "The States have had an unbroken string of mediocre-at-best presidents. Oral Hardcraft could barely keep his pants on and was better suited to being president of Italy. He brought in a gang of Wall Street swindlers to man the Treasury Department, a legacy which haunts us even today. Smirk Urushiol and Haughty Bungler might as well have been twin reincarnations of Warren Harding, creating a landslide of corruption which buried the country, giving trillions to their friends in corporations and banks, with Bungler using many of Hardcraft's Wall Street swindlers in his Cabinet. Urushiol and Bungler combined to turn the Middle East into one of Dante's circles of Hell, with the former eliminating a dictator who held Iraq together, albeit brutally, and the latter bizarrely declaring that Islamic State was a junior varsity terrorist squad -- while he stood by and did nothing while Islamic State annihilated the Yazidis. Blabber McDeal made a tragic deal with the Taliban that assumed that they were honorable people, when they aren't much different than Islamic State or al-Qaeda. Cheshire Cat did nothing but blame McDeal for the Taliban's predictable reconquest of Afghanistan," continued Naiflass. "As a side-note, Bungler's presidential library is the first to feature a fully-functional basketball court." "Do you think things would have been better if Blabber McDeal had been reelected?" queried Davidson. "That's one of those 'how many angels can dance on the head of a pin' questions," started Naiflass. "Trollop is one of the most corrupt persons to have run for president and given the sordid history of the States, that's saying something. I expected her to sell the Lincoln Bedroom furniture on eBay. But McDeal never gave specifics on any policy. He said he would renegotiate all arrangements, forgetting that Congress approves treaties. He acted as if the race for the presidency was just another reality TV show where outrageous comments are all one needs. And the protests against him, which often proved violent, especially at the end, were manned by reconquistas, latter-day Black Panthers, anarchists, communists, and e-children." "That said, his critics were wrong regarding his pledge to stop immigration by Muslims. The pundits and other useless people stated that it would be impossible to do so, but it would have been relatively easy. He could have declared that immigration by Muslims must cease until someone devises a method of distinguishing between Islamists and Muslims who don't dream of killing infidels. Since that's impossible, he would have been able to order the State Department to place a freeze on all Muslims," added Naiflass. "And I categorically disagreed with his policy of abandoning countries at risk, for example, the Baltic States, who are seriously worried about Russian interference, if not outright invasion. Sure, those countries don't really contribute much to NATO's overall defense, but we let down Poland which was invaded first by the Nazis and eleven days later by the Soviets in September 1939. We cannot allow that to happen again," finished Naiflass. "The US essentially became a third-world country," interjected Munro. "What part did the drought in the American West and Midwest play in all that?" "A fairly major one, I'd say. I'd never admit it to my liberal colleagues, but I never could decide whether climate change was real or not. Remember that the reason Illinois and Iowa have such magnificent soil is that those states were covered by the remnants of the glaciers, or to be facetious, ground-up Canada. This happened to Europe as well. Mankind had nothing to do with the glaciers coming or going. Most people do not understand that the reason we have found so few Neanderthal and Denisovan remains is that the glaciers ground them up. Every time we find more remains we further boost the case that they were actually our smartest ancestors -- the stone structures in the cave in Bruniquel, France, convincingly demonstrate that they were as intelligent as we are -- but they weren't brutish enough to best the substantially more violent Africans who came north and stole Neanderthal women," explained Naiflass. "Rather like the girls who date violent losers to spite their parents." "John Wesley Powell's Report on the Lands of the Arid Region of the United States stated quite clearly that the West was water-poor and therefore water should be the prime factor in where cities should be situated. Of course, his advice was ignored, with many honestly believing that water followed the plow. The extremely low levels of water in both Lake Mead and Lake Powell rather dramatically prove his point," added Naiflass. "It's astounding that semiconductor manufacturing plants were built in Arizona, given that they require large quantities of water, between two and four million gallons of water a day," noted Naiflass. "They're not running now." "Western Nebraska, the Oklahoma Panhandle, northern Texas, the western Kansas, eastern Colorado, eastern New Mexico, southeastern Wyoming, and southern South Dakota have largely been abandoned. Millions of people were forced to move away from their farms and homes because water is a scarce commodity in the region. Only cities lying on rivers, for example, Omaha and Kansas City on the Missouri River, remain, because they can take their water directly from the river. Given that the area held much of America's wheat crop, as well as other crops that depended upon the Ogallala Aquifer, Americans are now having severe food shortages, something which was unthinkable just a few years ago," continued Naiflass. "The States are in uncharted territory. Scientists can only guess when the Ogallala Aquifer will be usable again. Remember that it was originally filled mainly by melting glaciers thousands of years ago at the end of the last ice age. Some of the Midwestern states devised a brilliant plan, all things considered. They brought in buffalo, antelope and other native animals to repopulate the region. It will take decades to bring back the herds North America had before Buffalo Bill -- who got his name by shooting buffalo while sitting comfortably on a train car -- and others eliminated them. Too bad rhinos and elephants couldn't be brought in to live free from poachers, as they are just a blink of an eye away from being extinct due to Chinese, Vietnamese, and other Asian men killing them for their horns, but they would never survive the winters," added Naiflass. "Speaking of food shortages, you know that Europe banned neonicotinoid pesticides because it was finally understood that the collapse of bee colonies was due to these pesticides damaging the brains of bees, especially queens. Slowly, Europe's fruit and vegetable output rose, so it was reasonable to assume that the pesticides were indeed the problem. But American politicians were having none of that. They reminded me of the people who ignorantly claimed that vaccines caused autism, even though there have been many, many studies that disproved the original one created by that charlatan, who, I'm sorry to admit, was British. The bee population collapsed in the States and millions of people discovered the hard way the reality of how fruits and vegetables are pollinated," continued Naiflass. "Surely the job losses in the US contributed to its problems," asked Davidson. "Yes, the so-called gang-of-eight Senators ripped the heart out of the American technical worker with its opening of the immigration floodgates via increased numbers of H-1B visa holders. H-1B visas were originally intended to allow companies to import seriously talented individuals, but Silicon Valley companies quickly realized that they could use them for run-of-the-mill jobs to improve their corporate bottom line and obscenely increase CEO compensation. These men said with a straight face that allowing hundreds of thousands more foreign workers would somehow improve the unemployment situation. And, Bob's your uncle, it put hundreds of thousands more Americans out of work. And those foreign workers, mainly from India, then made matters worse by hiring only their friends and relatives for new positions. They took further advantage of the situation by using B-1 visas, which are supposed to be used only for someone visiting the States for a meeting or conference, to bring in permanent workers," replied Naiflass. "Hardcraft, Urushiol, Bungler, Cat, and Trollop all pushed for no limits on H-1B visas, proving that persecuting the American worker is one of the only partisan activities in Washington." "McDeal was spot-on regarding the abuse of H-1B visas, but it really was only the tip of the iceberg," continued Naiflass. "My favorite example as to why the States were in a race to the bottom concerned non-compete clauses in contracts. A fast-food supplier named Billy Bob's Fixins was a pioneer in this respect, requiring its employees, who were largely part-time employees, to sign highly restrictive agreements that prevented them from working for any other food supplier for a period of two years after their time with Billy Bob's. I mean, fast-food does not involve trade secrets that need to be protected. The owner simply wanted to be able to control his employees, keep their wages artificially low, and prevent them from taking a job at another supplier, thereby maximizing his personal income." "It's been decades since large numbers of good jobs were created in the US -- most jobs are low-paid with no benefits that a well-trained goat could do -- at least since Bungler's terms in office. I never understood why the Yanks did not mimic the German system of separating high school students into college-bound and blue collar, as Germany, which is smaller than Montana, remains the world leader in industrial machinery. The US used to be an industrial powerhouse, but Ayn Rand groupies successfully lobbied the government to outsource every possible job, claiming that manufacturing jobs were no longer necessary. No one ever challenged them over the fact that retail and fast food jobs were the only jobs being created, with even the former disappearing with the rise of Amazon under its libertarian CEO, Lord Baldy," added Naiflass. "And back to Brexit for a minute; proponents argued that the lack of a European Apple, Uber, or Amazon proved that Brussels was holding Europe back, but they completely missed the point. The three reasons Silicon Valley has made such wild profits for their CEOs and shareholders are, 1) they were able to import indentured servants via H-1B visas, replacing American workers with much lower-paid substitutes from India, 2) ignore the laws via Section 230 of the laughably named Communications Decency Act, and 3) move production to China yet bring the completed products back taxed as ones produced by an American company. Actually, it's even worse than that, given that Apple, Amazon, and other firms pay little corporate tax," explained Naiflass. "Uber's entire business model relies on the elimination of employees and introduction of contract workers, returning to Dickensian days." "On America's southern border, Mexico is experiencing a full-blown civil war with the cartels versus the government. I think it would require an invasion by a well-equipped army to quell the many battles, reminiscent of the time the US invaded Mexico just before it joined the Allies in WWI," continued Naiflass. "You recently commented that the decline of the US was inversely proportional to the rise of the social media sector. Would you like to finish that thought?" asked Munro. "Sure," answered Naiflass. "The US first became a major world power with WWII, after which it was pretty much the only industrial country not in ruins. Its growth was phenomenal from WWII to around 1980, when Jelly Bean Phaser introduced oligarchical, trickle-down economics. The gap between the rich and poor started to grow, eventually becoming an abyss. The US outsourced almost all technical hardware overseas, with Silicon Valley companies introducing practically useless social media products -- you may remember that I disdainfully referred to them as 'touchy-feely tripe' -- with a bonus of selling the personal data of all Americans to Russian and Chinese companies, which artfully used it to steal the identities of many Americans." "The straw that broke the camel's back, however, was the breach of Alluvion Airlines," continued Naiflass. "Remember that Alluvion mandated the use of biometric data. After a few years of collecting the data of most Americans and many foreigners, its IT systems were breached by Russian cyber-thieves who absconded with passport data, photos, fingerprints, addresses, birth dates, and other data. It was impossible for most Americans to assert their identity, and, of course, Congress did nothing to alleviate the situation. Alluvion only had to pay for one year's worth of credit monitoring." "And the number of homeless people in the US is astounding. Many people simply cannot function in the social media economy which demands a reality distortion field worthy of Steve Jobs," continued Naiflass. "Deepfakes played a major role, correct?" queried Davidson. "Oh yes, it's pretty much impossible to distinguish between genuine and fake photographs or video. There's no way to give an estimate as to numbers, but it's certain that a large number of people -- all poor and middle class, of course -- have been convicted of crimes they did not commit because jury members, mostly graduates of woke schools, believe what they see," answered Naiflass. "Silicon Valley companies have successfully fought against any restrictions on the use of deepfakes, with most politicians having no clue regarding the dangers. "And the woke factor is significant. Young, technically proficient leftists stalk anyone who disagrees with them. Christians and Jews are hunted relentlessly. If a gay male is attacked, even if he precipitated the event, the other party might as well commit suicide because their life is over," explained Naiflass. "We should have mandated that homosexuals deserve equal, but not special rights." "The left would never mention it, of course, but the phrase 'anti-fascist' was used in the communist world for decades. In June 1934 Stalin used the term 'anti-fascists' via the Communist International to describe the West. And the DDR's Walter Ulbricht used 'anti-fascist' to describe the West immediately after the DDR started building the Berlin Wall in August 1961," continued Naiflass. "The antifa groups around the world would more accurately be described as Bolshevik." "Don't you think smartphones played a major role in the stupification of Western youth?" asked Munro. Naiflass laughed. "Very good point; especially American youths. Smartphones are perfectly suited to displaying 280 character tweets, but not so good at displaying long articles. So users only read short, biased summaries of complex issues, making them think those problems can easily be solved. Worse yet, social media makes it pathetically easy to create a personal echo chamber, where all content originates from those who share your exact point of view." Another blood-curdling scream was heard coming from the salon next door, but this time Davidson and Munro merely looked uncomfortable. "What about Europe? There were no nuclear explosions, but the continent went through radical changes," asked Davidson. "Europe is complicated," started Naiflass. "Portugal, Spain, and Greece became communist. The corruption in Bulgaria and Romania has always boggled the mind, especially the former with its ties to Russia. At least we had the foresight to never allow them to join the Schengen Area. If Romania could only have found a way to eliminate its culture of corruption, it would have become a major player in Europe." "Northern Italy is an eclectic mix of fascism and communism, with the southern half and Sicily being pure mafia. The antics of the on-again, off-again -- this does not only refer to political office, but also to teen-aged girls as young as 13 -- Prime Minister Smegma Phallusconi are almost entertaining," opined Naiflass. "Don't you think the UK should have deported its many Islamic criminals and terrorists?" queried Munro. "Hindsight is always 20-20. Yes, we should have deported the child molesters, rapists, groomers of girls, the violent advocates of sharia, and the others who remained solely because Britain did not have the courage to deport criminals. I dare say Churchill would have found a way to rid our island of vermin like them," answered Naiflass. "I should have sent in the SAS and forcibly deported Islamists to a suitably Islamic country, perhaps Somalia, regardless of what the European Court of Human Rights decreed." "But we found the time to ban that American preacher who burned copies of the Quran and the Dutch politician who wanted to stop immigration of Muslims. They were controversial, to be sure, but they never espoused murder, let alone committed it," opined Naiflass. "It took a while for the news to emerge, but Muslims had been creating harems and bordellos in Oxford, Rochdale, Derby, Telford, and many other cities. It all started with grooming, which was bad enough, but it progressed far beyond that," continued Naiflass. "Because of the backlash against austerity, the Tories were thrown out of office, with Labor coming back under yours truly. I will admit that I did not see the danger in implementing sharia. We had already allowed separate sharia courts, but those only affected Muslims. We changed the law so sharia was on equal footing with the great tradition of English law going back centuries. We allowed ourselves to be shamed into believing that we were Islamophobic," admitted Naiflass. "A country cannot exist under two mutually-contradictory systems of law," declared Naiflass. "Do you think BBC News was a major player in the UK turning into an Islamic country?" asked Davidson. "Yes, that is certainly true," answered Naiflass. "The BBC employed quite a few world-class rapists and child molesters. Given the atmosphere of fear resulting from sexual harassment and bullying by so-called untouchable senior managers and stars, BBC News became a place where the natural horror regarding rape and molestation became desensitized, so when Muslim gangs started grooming girls for sex, BBC neglected to sound the alarm. The culture at BBC News was so tainted that even when someone made a complaint of sexual harassment, and that complaint was upheld, the perpetrator was often promoted shortly thereafter. We never heard of this because all BBC News contracts included a gag order preventing employees from ever discussing the problem in public." "And the typical British disdain for the French was mixed in, too. I remember hearing one of the BBC's so-called talent on the American NPR who haughtily denigrated France's banning of the burka, sneering that burkas are rare in France. This was both true and irrelevant, because France was trying to ban all full-body suits which masked whether the wearer was a man or woman, regardless of what the costume was named," continued Naiflass. "History has proven that France and Belgium were right to ban these outfits." "Why were imams in British mosques allowed to teach a virulent and jihadist form of Islam?" queried Munro. "Over the past few decades, many, many mosques have been built in the UK. Of those mosques, at least 80% were teaching the most radical types of Islam, Wahhabism and Salafism, teaching jihad, Islamic supremacism, and hatred and contempt for Jews and Christians. Often these mosques were not proposed as such, but were disingenuously introduced as a community center, inter-faith center, or another innocuous term. Little by little, Britain was being inundated by dangerous, religious nutters. The stage was being set for the final act," replied Naiflass. "We naively thought that Berserk Chowderhead, the Muslim demagogue, was just blowing smoke when he proclaimed years ago that the Queen would eventually be wearing a headscarf. It's even more amazing given that he was a party animal in his college days, drinking heavily, taking drugs, and fornicating with non-Muslim women. Of course, now he is a self-righteous Muslim dictator. He must have studied the history of Germany leading up to the second world war because he and his followers used Nazi tactics to gain power, strong-arming people to get his way. We saw the use of Islamic stormtroopers standing outside the businesses of people who tried to stand up to the categorization of non-Muslims as inferior to Muslims, holding signs informing potential customers that the business must not be patronized," added Naiflass. "The writing was on the wall, but we were too blind to read it. When Muslims clashed with Jews, many people on the left dismissed it as the usual Zionism. When Muslims clashed with Christians, many people on the left dismissed it as the legacy of the past, for example, the Spanish Inquisition and other Catholic excesses. But when Muslims clashed with pacifist Buddhists, we really should have awoken from our politically-correct slumber. The signs held by Buddhists reading, 'The world is not only for Muslims,' should have been our canary in the coal mine, a clear signal that Muslims were attempting to dominate the entire world, with every other religion being something which needed to be eradicated," continued Naiflass. "Luckily, this was not true in all other European countries. The last straw was the claim by Muslims that any criticism of Muhammad was not acceptable. It does not require a barrister to understand that prohibiting criticism of Muhammad is a slippery slope. Once that law is in effect, Muslims can claim just about anything. Since Muhammad had multiple wives, polygamy must be legalized. Since Muhammad married a girl who was only 6 or 7, that must be made legal. Since he proclaimed that non-Muslim girls and women can be enslaved for sex, that must be legalized. Since Muhammad declared that alcohol is forbidden, shops selling alcohol can be forced to close. Since Muhammad declared that dogs are unclean, dog owners can be forced to avoid areas which Muslims frequent, which eventually will be everywhere. Freedom of speech, religion, and behavior go out the window under sharia," declared Naiflass. "In some European countries, the roundup for Islamic extremists has already begun. Cartoons insulting to Muhammad are published and when the predictable demonstration against them is seen, the demonstrators are corralled and prevented from leaving by heavily armed police. Each member of the crowd is interviewed one by one, with visitors and others lacking permanent status deported within two days. Permanent residents are fingerprinted, photographed, and warned that they are now in the database," continued Naiflass. "Why wasn't the Defence of Britain Party more of a factor in preventing the UK from turning Islamic?" queried Davidson. "Unfortunately, we in the government largely prevented that," admitted Naiflass. "As with liberals in the States, we foolishly trumpeted Islamophobia as the greater threat. We arrested many of the leaders of the DBP, harassing them and preventing them from contributing to the discussion as to whether Islam was compatible with traditional British values. Using state-sponsored honeytraps, spies, and entrapment, often with the assistance of MI5 and the Guardian, we damaged the reputation of the DBP beyond repair. That said, the DBP added to its own downfall by demanding that Britain isolate itself from the Continent. France and Belgium, and later Austria, Switzerland, Germany, Finland, and other countries, banned the face veil, that blatant symbol of Islamic oppression of women, while Britain never did. We could have learned something from them." "We never appreciated that Islamists were similar to Bolsheviks in terms of fanaticism. They would stop at nothing and were willing to kill large numbers of people to achieve their goal of worldwide Islam. And in a manner reminiscent of how Stalin eliminated the Trotskyites and other opposition groups, the two main Islamic sects, Sunni and Shia, fought a never-ending civil war over whose version of Islam would triumph," opined Naiflass. "It was truly tragic that the West never rescued the thousands of Yazidi girls and women sexually enslaved by Islamic State with the active assistance of local Sunni Muslims who wanted to share in the human booty. We could have mounted raids to do so, killing large numbers of Islamists as a bonus. Fools like the NSA spy currently living in Russia bleeted that drone strikes against Daesh often resulted in civilian casualties, but those civilians were hardly innocent, as they were the wives and supporters of Daesh thugs," continued Naiflass. "And the horror just goes on and on. The al-Hol refugee camp, which houses well over 60,000 former Daesh families, also contains an unknown number of Yazidi females who are probably not even aware that they are not related to the monsters who murdered their families. We could easily have sent in troops to secure the camp, temporarily separate all children from their alleged mothers, run DNA tests on all of them, and return Yazidis back to their people," added Naiflass. "But we continue to allow Daesh thugs to run the camps." "Some Yazidi females were spirited away to far-off Islamic lands. There were ads in Turkish newspapers offering children for sale. Nothing was ever done about it," opined Naiflass. "Really sad." "A good number of Daesh thugs were allowed into Germany. Some former Yazidi sex slaves actually ran into their former masters there. Germany did nothing about it, didn't deport them or prosecute them," reflected Naiflass. The only good news in the world is that Russia, Poland, Hungary, and Israel declined to convert their countries into Islamic republics, with them now being sanctuary countries for Jews and other religious groups. This is hardly the time or place for this sentiment, but a paraphrased line from the Clash's song 'London Calling' just struck me: phony Islamophobia has bitten the dust!" declared Naiflass. "Do you think relations with Russia could have been handled differently?" asked Munro. "That's not an easy question to answer. Russia was dead wrong to assassinate former KGB agents in the UK, regardlesss of its motives. It's simply unacceptable to murder people in other countries, not to mention that a waiter could have been killed simply by handling the cup containing polonium-210," began Naiflass. "But overall, both sides were right and wrong at the same time. Urushiol had a golden opportunity to join forces with Russia to fight Islamists after 9/11. Yes, Russian tactics were brutal and often incompetent -- the tragedy at Beslan is the best example of that -- but they had common ground. Unfortunately, Urushiol listened to his neo-con advisors whose calendars never went beyond 1989. They entertained discussions with Ukraine for NATO membership which they had to know would infuriate Russia. They then had membership talks with Macedonia, a country where the two main religions are Macedonian Orthodox and Islam, not great matches for the Christian NATO, excepting the now Islamist Turkey, it goes without saying," added Naiflass. "And it did not help that the Russian president told Urushiol that Ukraine was not a country in Russia's view. Too bad the States could not elect a president who understood that Russia would never be the same as America -- and that's okay. Russians tend to be much more emotional than Americans, what with their great poets, authors, and classical music composers, and any partnership would need to take that into account," added Naiflass. "Not to mention that Russia warned the US against allowing the Boston Marathon bomber family to enter the country," finished Naiflass. "Back to China and the US What actually happened during the confrontation?" asked Davidson. "China's use of its little blue men," began Naiflass. "Excuse me, Prime Minister, little blue men?" interrupted Davidson as she adjusted the headscarf which was mandatory for all females in Britain. "That term was coined by an American professor at the US Naval War College. It referred to China's use of marines wearing the uniforms of fishermen, maritime militia, if you will. China believed that would allow it to claim plausible deniability when so-called fishermen attacked vessels belonging to Vietnam, the Philippines, and other countries in the South China Sea. The term channels Russia's use of its soldiers without insignia in Crimea, little green men," explained Naiflass. "China expanded its actions to build islands in the South China Sea. It had claimed for years that the entire region belonged to it since the beginning of time, which was nonsense of course, but it kept pushing. When it sank a few ships belonging to Vietnam and the Philippines, the US Navy was sent to rectify the situation. A number of details have still not been declassified by the Americans, but I think I understand the situation," continued Naiflass. "The fleet was traveling in two groups. The Phaser battle group set sail from Yokosuka, Japan. They would obviously be the first to arrive. The Nimitz battle group set sail from Everett, Washington. Air assets were flown to Japan in anticipation of action," added Naiflass. "But then something happened that spooked the crews of every ship in both battle groups. I have spoken with many of the commanders and a few wondered if the Rapture had started," offered Naiflass. "Some communications equipment failed, yet others continued to function. Some radar systems started blaring alerts even though there were no missiles or planes in the sky. Some weapons systems went down while other remained on station. Engines and navigation suffered the same plight. Some screens simply went dark. None of the engineers knew how to resolve the situation. And then things got worse." "Five hypersonic missiles appeared on the horizon headed straight for the Phaser. Given their speed -- they traveled at more than five times the speed of sound -- the ship's crew had very little time to react. The ships' laser cannons, the main defensive weapon against such missiles, refused to target the intruders. The Phalanx systems on the ships were operational, but they were not designed for missiles traveling at such a high rate of speed. All five missiles struck the carrier. A large wolfpack of Chinese submarines was also in the vicinity, with two of them able to launch torpedoes which struck the carrier in the confusion. In a matter of minutes, the carrier crew went from battle stations to fire fighting to abandoning ship. It sank so fast that almost five hundred sailors died," stated Naiflass. "The remaining ships' crews took their revenge upon the wolfpack, sinking every last one of them." "In both battle groups, ships were forced to increase the distance between them to avoid collisions. In the Nimitz battle group, another wolfpack of Chinese submarines was spotted close to the carrier. The crews sank all of the Chinese submarines, but not until one of them had launched a torpedo at the Nimitz, striking it near the tail, severely damaging its propulsion systems. It had to be towed back to port," continued Naiflass. "Due to Chinese hardware and firmware?" offered Davidson. "Absolutely," replied Naiflass. "It took weeks to realize that US Navy ships were a Frankenstein creation of American hardware, Chinese hardware, and parts from all over the world. Land-based communication centers were completely taken out of action because they were dependent upon run-of-the-mill PCs which had motherboards, processors, add-on cards, and other components manufactured in China. Intel processors were not tainted because it kept tight control of the manufacturing process from design to test, but the many other processors and cards had been made with backdoors in both hardware and firmware. Ship generations are made over many years. Perhaps the first few in a series were made before China added backdoors to various parts. The US Navy is still not saying much about it." "The submarines were okay for the most part, though there were a few hiccups," continued Naiflass. "I suspect that the reason they were not affected is that space is a premium in a vessel which goes below the surface of the water, so every component is custom-built for that space, using largely American-made hardware." "Could that have happened thirty years ago?" asked Davidson. "Certainly not. Thirty years ago, the US still manufactured circuit boards and chips on US territory where close watch could be kept on the products. The US cut its own throat by outsourcing most of its manufacturing to its worst enemy," answered Naiflass. "I often wondered how politicians and CEOs could forget that just a short time ago the Soviet Union was the evil empire, with almost nothing being bought from it, let alone high-tech parts its military and industry depended upon. During the Second World War, the US had excess manufacturing capacity. Companies such as the Rock-Ola Jukebox Company, International Harvester, and the Underwood Typewriter Company made rifles for the US Army, but today everything is made in China." "The US military went back and redesigned all electronics and offered the manufacturing to US companies exclusively, but that experience had long since disappeared. Factories were built, but making complex electronics takes many months. By the time the US military refitted all of its ships, aircraft, and communication centers with reliable parts, China had consolidated its holdings in Asia," continued Naiflass. "Trollop decided that a third world war was not worth it. A great number of people wanted her head on a silver platter and the House impeached her by an enormous margin, given that she capitulated after China killed almost five hundred US military personnel, but the votes were not there for an impeachment conviction in the Senate. The vote fell one short of the necessary two-thirds, with the Vice President, a member of her party, allowing her to remain in office," added Naiflass. "From then on, no law she proposed was even considered by the House." "That's when the US lost control of the Pacific Ocean, correct?" queried Munro. "West of Guam, to be sure. China had asked the US around 2008 to split the Pacific Ocean between them on a line running through Guam. The US refused. Now China has what it wanted," answered Naiflass. "China gave Trollop a diplomatic message, that China would commence unrestricted submarine warfare against all US Navy ships west of Guam and Trollop capitulated and ordered them all home." "And then something happened for which we do not know the details. The leader of North Korea, Kim Young-un, was assassinated and replaced by someone much more pliable. The DPRK no longer threatens South Korea on a regular basis. The relationship between the two Koreas is almost friendly," added Naiflass. "Since China had achieved its goal of consolidating the region, it no longer needed the buffer zone against the West." "And New Zealand under Prime Minister Covid Protagonist might as well be China's poodle," declared Naiflass. "My country was finally able to assert that the Northwest Passage ran through internal Canadian waters. Previously the US had always refused to recognize Canada's ownership of the internal waterway because it wanted to force the issue of travel anywhere in the world for defense-related issues," added Munro. "Yes, Canada has stood up to China in that respect, refusing to allow oil tankers with single-hulls or other derelicts to travel through the passage, risking a major environmental catastrophe. Perhaps China intends to negotiate it with Canada, given that we have heard nothing about Canadian ships being disabled by defective computer systems," answered Naiflass. Davidson looked at her watch. "You spent quite a bit of time in the US, with that affecting your accent and even the words you use. Was that a problem while you were prime minister?" "Ah, the memories! As you know, my husband is -- was -- American." Naiflass paused for few seconds. "We met at Cambridge. I earned a master's degree from the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign. I worked in the American corporate sector for a number of years. Later I served as Ambassador to the US in Washington, DC. Some people made jokes about my manner of speech, but I would always end it by reminding them that Churchill's mother was American and the experience was not detrimental to his political career." The prime minister's personal assistant entered the lavatory wearing a black hijab and a face veil. "Madame Prime Minister, it is time," she stated without emotion. "I must admit, I was never very religious," Naiflass said with an almost imperceptible sad sigh. "After I read the story in Revelation of how Satan was sent down to Earth after losing the battle with Archangel Michael, I realized that God must not be very powerful if he cannot handle his former employees. Dante's Inferno described Satan as residing in the ninth circle of Hell, with his lower body frozen in ice. But recently I have become to believe that the legend is true, but not in the way it is presented to us. Muhammad is Satan. He was sent to Earth to inject his malignancy into as many people as he possibly could. He brilliantly wrote the Quran, the most deceptively evil book ever written, which has influenced billions and has been directly responsible for tens if not hundreds of millions of deaths since the 600s. And the 20% of Muslims who believe that suicide bombings are justified when defending Islam must not understand that their god is therefore an invalid, incapable of defending it himself." Naiflass stood and composed herself. "I would say 'See you later,' but that would be unrealistic. Goodbye," she concluded. "Thank you so much for speaking with us today. Goodbye," responded Davidson as she donned a full face veil. "Yes, thank you very much. Goodbye," added Munro as she too donned a full face veil. Both journalists wanted to make their escape from occupied Britain as quickly and safely as possible. Naiflass turned and walked out of the lavatory into the salon. For the first time she saw the long knife being wielded by a husky bearded man in preparation for her ritual beheading. As he turned to face her, he accidentally kicked a wicker basket, causing it to overturn and spill its contents of the heads of senior managers from BBC News and the Guardian, as well as the head of her husband. The necks of the heads were ragged because their former owners were not decapitated in a quick, humane fashion; the heads were sawed off as one would saw a slice from a freshly-baked loaf of bread. She hoped she could be as brave as her heroine, Sophie Scholl of the White Rose. © 2020 Pete Prunskunas "What is the casualty count?" demanded U.S. President Wilhelm Steinitz.
"82 killed and at least 200 wounded, many seriously. The death count is guaranteed to rise," answered Homeland Security Secretary Frank Marshall. "The shrapnel wounds are really nasty. Local hospitals were overwhelmed. The stampede after the explosion made things much worse. Stadium management did the right thing by not allowing any camera footage of the carnage to be shown on the big screen because that would have accelerated the stampede, but that said, many people who saw a genuine NFL drone overhead ran for the exits. The crowd was significantly smaller than it has been in previous years due to the anthem protests, resulting in fewer casualties, but that's the only good news." "Have we made any progress on the culprits?" queried Steinitz. "We have plenty of leads, but no one has taken credit for it yet. It could be Islamic terrorists or it could be domestic ones," answered FBI Director Paul Morphy. "My money is on some domestic sociopath, the same type of person who shines lasers in the eyes of pilots when their aircraft is on final approach or flies drones into the path of landing aircraft. I think this was done just for kicks, which says a lot about where our country is heading." "I agree with Paul, but this was not a random or spontaneous act. Remember that the NFL had approved the use of drones for NFL Films and for broadcasts. The perpetrator took the time to buy the exact model of drone used by the NFL," added Marshall. "When the terror drone arrived, no one noticed." "How was the bomb constructed?" asked Steinitz. "This was an octocopter with the addition of a larger, ninth propeller on top of the main chassis to counteract the added weight, technically making it a novemcopter. The NFL normally has a camera suspended from the chassis, but the bombers bought a camera, removed the guts, and filled it with an explosive and short wood screws. Explosives were mounted around each rotor arm in plastic pipe with short wood screws glued to the outside. The pipe was larger than the arm and was slipped over the arm. And the main chassis was packed with explosives, covered in some kind of plastic cover, and coated in glue and short wood screws," replied Morphy. "What explosive was used?" asked Steinitz. "Not sure yet," replied Morphy. "It could be dynamite, plastic explosive, or a homegrown concoction like ANFO. We'll know very soon from the traces." "The sequence went like this. The drone entered the stadium during the third quarter when the home team was driving for a touchdown which would put them ahead for the first time that day. Pretty much everyone's eyes were glued to the field. Looking at the footage, they timed it perfectly, with the drone dropping almost to the heads of the fans before exploding," continued Morphy. "The camera body and chassis resulted in the largest blast with the arms sending shrapnel down in a wider pattern." "But what has delayed the investigation is that the main chassis, with the communications equipment, was converted into shrapnel. We're still working through the evidence, but we're missing some important pieces of the drone. We believe those pieces are lying in victims, both dead and alive, with retrieval from the latter forced to wait for obvious medical and humanitarian reasons," continued Morphy. "Looking at the footage, it's obvious that the drone had thicker arms and one more propeller than the regular NFL ones, but the few people looking up at it were smiling in anticipation of having their mug spread throughout the country so they missed the clues." "What has the NFL announced?" asked Steinitz. "It has canceled all games for this weekend and will implement defensive measures over the next few weeks. I suggested to them to restrict all games to closed stadiums until then," replied Marshall. "The NFL has three domed and five retractable stadiums. There are some college football domed stadiums which might work, but only Carrier Dome in Syracuse has an acceptable capacity. Most baseball stadiums should work, but I think the owners would be unhappy about it due to the schedule overlap and destruction of infields. In Canada, there's Rogers Centre in Toronto, Olympic Stadium in Montreal, and BC Place in Vancouver. Montreal would love to have us because it does not have a regular football team playing there and it has the largest capacity in all of Canada. The NFL is already revamping its schedule to have some Sunday games played during the week in domes, but fans with season tickets will not be happy and groundskeepers may not have enough time to repair the damage before the next game." "And fans will probably never tolerate having a drone fly over them again," added Marshall. "If I may," began Technology Advisor Emmanuel Lasker. "The first problem is that we are not set-up to identify all flying objects. Drones can be large or they can be small. We need radar technology that has a real-time picture of flying objects even as small as a basketball. The second problem is tracing them back to their owner. Someone can buy a drone in a store and pay cash or buy it on the Internet with a prepaid card and have it shipped to an anonymous private box. The third problem is stopping it in flight. We have a number of technologies to capture or cripple drones in flight. A helicopter can fly above one and release a weighted net or fire a shotgun with a round containing a small net. A helicopter or truck can direct an electromagnetic pulse to it to fry its electronics, but if the helicopter is flying above the drone, that pulse will continue to the ground, possibly destroying any electronics there as well, though that's probably the least of our worries. There are handheld devices which fire a weighted net at a drone. Shotguns firing traditional pellet rounds are problematic, as many people in the Middle East have discovered when weapons are fired into the sky in celebration of something or other." "Jamming transmitters are an option for high-value targets, though we'd still have a bomb in the air as we saw in Venezuela. Some companies have a system where a building or area is protected -- one is called SkyFence -- with drone operators losing control of their devices after entering the zone ," added Marshall. "The French air force and some European companies are training eagles to fetch drones. And before you ask, I have no idea how long it takes to train an eagle. But I'll find out later today." "I'd like to add to that the fact that our radar systems were designed to track relatively large objects flying above the ground and structures. They were not designed to track small objects flying between buildings," said FAA Administrator Jose Raul Capablanca. "So how do we prevent another one?" asked Steinitz. "Since we cannot track all drones, we're stuck for now. We need Congress to allocate money for better tracking technology. And it should be obvious that this problem is not restricted to the NFL. Many cities have baseball and/or soccer stadiums. Colleges and universities have outdoor stadiums. Cities have outdoor festivals during the summer months. Not to mention high school sports," answered Capablanca. "We need to collate a list of all available helicopters and start practicing the firing of shotguns with net-rounds. It won't be elegant, but it might be the only short-term solution." "And we need to worry about airports. Flying an explosives-filled drone into the path of a landing aircraft would likely take it down similar to how the Russians took MH17 down over Ukraine," added Capablanca. "We need to start discussions on implementing a registration scheme where businesses are required to verify a person's identity before selling a drone, whether from a brick-and-mortar retail store or online," added Morphy. "We need to have addresses for buyers so we can track them. We should ban the online sale of drones." The sound of the doorknob turning caused some of the attendees to turn to the source of the noise. "You really must see this now," interrupted National Security Advisor Howard Staunton as he opened the door and walked into the conference room while rubbing his nose with his left hand and holding a laptop with his right. "I tried to warn him, but ... he walked into the mirror again!" announced the president's secretary. That's all right, Alice, we know how he is," answered Steinitz. "Nice of you to join us, Howard." Staunton placed the laptop directly in front of Steinitz. He pressed the space bar, awakening the Linux operating system. The others walked behind Steinitz to see what the laptop had to offer. "Recognize this?" asked Staunton. "That looks like a Chinese Long March missile, its latest with solid fuel propellant. But where was the photo taken? The blackish hills look familiar," pondered Morphy. "Oh, you are not serious!" declared Steinitz incredulously. "That's right, this video is from the Moon," announced Staunton. "We hacked into their video feed." "China has a Long March missile on the moon?" asked Marshall. "Put cats in the coffee and mice in the tea," mulled Capablanca. "My wife works for NASA. She told me that China has made a large number of trips to the Moon without fanfare. She always thought it was about mining." "Wasn't the official line from China that it was simply attempting to gain the same technological advantage that the U.S. gained during its space missions: Velcro, Tang, miniaturized electronics, and all that?" asked Lasker "It was always about mining. It is no secret China was mining for helium-3 for use in nuclear fusion, as it is much more common on the Moon due to the solar wind depositing it there. It wants to be the sole source for helium-3," declared Staunton. "Remember when China stopped supplying rare earths, used in motors, green energy, and all of our weapon systems, first to Japan and then to the West in general? It appears China is doing it again." Steinitz gave him an inquisitive look. "Did China get the missile there in pieces?" he asked Staunton. "After enough moves, a pawn becomes a queen," replied Staunton. "China has been playing a passive-aggressive game for decades, telling the West that it wanted to be a partner with the West when in fact it wanted nothing of the kind. Remember the book by the former high-ranking government official, The Hundred-Year Marathon? China's goal has always been to replace the U.S. as the major superpower, though it has no intentions of being a benevolent one." "And there's more. Unless you speak Mandarin you will just have to take my word for it, but here is the official announcement that just aired. China announced that it now has a space defense identification zone surrounding the entire Moon. Unlike the air defense identification zone it declared in the East China Sea, it is not asking for flight itineraries in advance. It declared that it now controls the entire Moon and will not brook any interference in territory it has owned for thousands of years," continued Staunton. "The wasp in a wig," reflected Capablanca. "Early Chinese astronomers Ruan Xiaoxu, Shi Shen, and Gan De were mentioned as having discovered the Moon starting in the 5th Century BC, giving China the oldest claim on it," continued Staunton. "Sure, like the participants in the Trojan War around 1200 BC never looked up in the sky," sarcastically remarked Morphy. "Homer, who lived around 400 years after the sack of Troy, mentioned the Sun-god Helios in the very beginning of the Odyssey. I doubt if he only saw the Sun in the sky," added Lasker. "The Chinese media is warning the U.S. to not repeat so-called erroneous remarks regarding its new space zone, in other words, we are just supposed to accept it as established fact," continued Staunton. "China said the exact same thing when it created the South China Sea and East China Sea exclusion zones," added Marshall. "Your red majesty shouldn't purr so loud," muttered Lasker. "Do we have any spacecraft to counterattack, to check China like we did by sending B-52 bombers into its East China Sea air zone?" asked Steinitz. "Or even as a gambit to see if China is bluffing?" "You might as well try to catch a Bandersnatch," answered Staunton. "All we have are rockets sufficiently powerful to put a satellite into Earth orbit. The extra stages needed for travel to the Moon are not even designed yet. We allowed the shuttle to retire without replacing it, but it did not have the legs to travel to the Moon anyway. We had those insane conversations regarding travel to Mars, even though the trip each way would take 1-2 years -- the Religious Right never did permit a discussion regarding sex in space -- and NASA was pretty much allowed to wither on the vine. The Russians might be able to cobble a spacecraft together, but neither of us has devised a robust anti-missile system for this scenario -- and we're not exactly on speaking terms with the Russians after their capers in Eastern Europe and the implosion of the Middle East." "What about the Outer Space Treaty of 1967? Doesn't that require China to allow all signatories to freely visit the Moon and all installations on it?" asked Steinitz. "It's very provoking, but did Japan and China have the right to declare large parts of the ocean in East Asia to be subject to their whims with respect to their air zones? I suspect China will invoke Article XII -- 'Such representatives shall give reasonable advance notice of a projected visit, in order that appropriate consultations may be held and that maximum precautions may be taken to assure safety and to avoid interference with normal operations in the facility to be visited' -- as its justification," retorted Staunton. "All the king's horses and all the king's men," muttered Marshall. "Red rook deflects white bishop," ruminated Lasker. "What was it Jim Lovell said after the explosion of the oxygen tank on Apollo 13?" pondered Morphy. "We've just lost the Moon!" answered Steinitz. © 2018 Pete Prunskunas "I was out of town for the last week. How did it happen?" asked Edgar Cooping.
"Harry was shot," began Sonia Cthulhu sadly. "By an idiot teenybopper with a plastic gun he built using a 3-D printer!" angrily added her husband, H.P. Cthulhu. "They had to operate immediately. Soon after the first operation, the doctors told us he had contracted gram-negative bacteria. They weren't sure if he contracted it from a contaminated bullet or in the hospital. I thought it would be quickly cured by antibiotics," continued Sonia. "As soon as I heard it was gram-negative bacteria, I knew it was trouble. We've abused antibiotics so much, especially in farm animals, that some gram-negative bacteria cannot be killed by current antibiotics," interjected H.P. "The doctors told me that the reason we do not have any more super-drugs is because the pharmaceutical companies do not make nearly as much money on them as they do with cholesterol, erectile-dysfunction, and other drugs which patients take on an ongoing basis. Antibiotics are only used for ten days or so, so the profit margin is much lower." "And then Harry developed sepsis," continued Sonia. "I always thought it was called septicemia," added H.P. "Which started shutting down his internal organs. Oh, his poor little legs: they were all black, dark red, and blue -- and swollen. We were here when he died this morning. Our little Houdini has performed his last trick," concluded Sonia. Sonia went partially limp for a few seconds, but both H.P and Edgar took hold of her arms and walked her to a chair. "Have you thought about the arrangements?" asked Virginia Cooping, Edgar's wife. "No, not a bit. Up until this morning I would have wagered everything I own that antibiotics would save the day. What are we returning to, the Dark Ages, when bacteria killed millions?" pondered H.P. "What happened to the boy who shot Harry?" asked Edgar. "It's not the justice I would have chosen, but the first shot he fired went into our dear Harry. But the second shot blew up the gun, shredding his hand and tearing into his eyes and face, blinding him," said H.P as he grimly smiled. "What did he shoot Harry for?" asked Virginia. Sonia sobbed a little. "The junior thug thought Harry was gay. But he wasn't! Remember not that long ago he would stuff a towel into the back of his waistband, pretending it was his tail? He was always being creative." "I asked him point-blank one day if he was gay, followed by our assurances that it was okay if he was. He just laughed and said he liked to try different things," continued H.P. " I think he would have been a musician or a writer." "Remember when the Williams tried to coerce us into changing his gender, even going so far as to accuse us of child abuse? I got really angry with them," asked Sonia. "Yeah, they wanted us to start hormone treatments. No way was I going to do that for a growing child. I told them that Harry could choose any path in life he wanted, but his body was going to finish growing first," answered H.P. "I mean, there are good reasons why we have pediatricians and hospitals dedicated to children's needs. Their bodies are entirely different. Hormone treatments for children would be tantamount to experimentation." "Did you drive here?" asked Edgar, changing the subject. "No, we took a drone taxi," replied H.P. "Yeah, us too. How about we share one and get you two home so you can think about what you want to do?" offered Edgar. "That's probably a good idea," answered H.P. as he looked at his pale wife. Edgar took out his smartphone and started the drone taxi app, entering the number of passengers and other relevant data. He didn't need to enter a credit card or other form of payment because his phone was his financial manager, as it was for most people. "Okay, it's all set. It should be waiting for us when we get downstairs," offered Edgar. They all walked downstairs to the main entrance. Waiting outside was their drone taxi, essentially a box with windows on three sides, a door on one side, and a propeller on each of the four top corners to supply lift. Like all drones, there was no driver. This generation was the last to have a human operating it via remote control, as all newer ones were automated. All four entered the taxi and it immediately took off. "Did you hear about the crash between taxi and delivery vehicle drones?" asked H.P. softly so as to not disturb his wife. "Yeah, a BigWoman automated delivery vehicle left its package on someone's doorstep and then took off vertically right into the bottom of an automated taxi. Both vehicles crashed hard and everyone in the taxi and a pedestrian walking beneath it died. BigWoman's CEO Oligarch Devoid Ofpity is using the usual libertarian ploy that the delivery vehicle division is based in India and therefore immune to domestic lawsuits," answered Edgar. "And did you hear about the thefts of homes? Not items from homes, entire homes! Authorities aren't sharing the particulars, but it appears that some people have just vanished, with their homes and bank accounts being stolen. Authorities believe that once the homes are stolen, the thieves sell them for less than market value to the people who post those "I buy houses" signs on street signs. Those secondary buyers always get stuck with the aftermath, losing their entire investment, so greedy they acquiesce to the thieves' requirement of no title insurance and a fast closing. The money is wired to an intermediary bank in the U.S. and then to a bank in Russia where clawbacks are impossible. Some computer security professionals believe that the Russian government has made a deal with the cyber-thieves, called Partnerkas. As long as they do not steal from Russian interests, they will not be bothered and might even be assisted if it coincides with current government policy," continued H.P. "Okay, here we are," announced Edgar. "Sonia, are you okay now? Do you want some help getting in?" asked Virginia. "I'm okay now. I just want to lie down for a few minutes," answered Sonia. "If you guys need anything, give us a call, okay?" added Edgar. "Okay, thanks," answered H.P. as he and Sonia exited the taxi. After they had walked twelve feet from the vehicle, it took off again with the Coopings. Virginia took out her smartphone and checked her email. "Look, I have an email, 'Demon with a glass penis,' from FaceResale." "Maybe it's not a good idea to click on that one," proposed Edgar. "Oh my god, you're so paranoid! Wait, it's telling me I need to verify security measures for FaceResale. Let's see, date of birth, SSN, address, oh, it wants to add retina scanning to my account just like we have at home," she declared breathlessly. "Remember, we agreed that the retina scan would only be used for our townhome -- nowhere else?" he chided. "Oh my god, you're so paranoid! This generation of the gspotPhone has a camera which can also obtain high-quality close-up images. I'll just hold it in front of my eye. There! All done!" she continued. "See, we made it home without any incident!" she declared. They exited the drone taxi. When they had moved twelve feet away from it, it took off and flew to its next destination. They walked to the doorway of their townhome. She placed her chin in the chin-rest of their security system and allowed the retina scanner to map her eyeball. The status light remained red. She repeated the process, but the light remained red. "What's going on here?" she demanded. "Let me try it," he offered. He placed his chin in the chin-rest and allowed the retina scanner to map his eyeball. The status light changed from red to green. As he pushed the door open, the light immediately changed back to red. "It's never done that before," he declared. As soon as they closed the door, she checked her phone for the latest email. "Look, I have an email for a party!" He looked at the graphic on her phone. "Swing until dawn!" was written under a stylized depiction of a man and a woman dancing a tango. "It starts at 8:00 PM. And it's free to members of the homeowner's association. Sounds like it was designed for us!" she declared. * * * * * At 7:00 PM the Coopings' wall-television came on. The stylized dancing depiction from the email was on the screen. An announcer's voice was explaining how much fun the event would be and that they needed to get moving now or they would miss it. "That sounds just like Ilya Kurchatov!" announced Virginia. "That is a character on a television program as played by a British actor," explained Edgar. "Whatever! Sounds Russian to me," she countered. "Let's go!" They gathered their phones, wallets, and other essential belongings and walked out the door. As soon as the door closed behind them, the television switched off. He called for a drone taxi using his phone. Almost immediately one arrived and landed. "That's the fastest taxi service I have ever seen!" he declared. They got in and the taxi flew toward the coast. As it started to land, she looked at her husband and said, "I always wondered what the multistory barge on the pier was. Party town!" They exited the taxi. If they had turned to watch it, they would have seen it lurch from side-to-side, with the suspension being dropped first on one side and then the other, as if it was a drunken dancer. It did not fly away until the two had walked to the entrance of the barge At the barge, they saw a large video display with the same stylized dancing depiction they saw before. As they walked towards it, it went blank and then displayed "Your room number is 2640 Grand Concourse." They walked into the hallway and saw that "Grand Concourse" was the pretentious name for a wide hallway running the length of the barge. There was no one to be seen in the hallway. He looked at her and said, "Let's get out of here. This place is a morgue." "Let's at least look at the room," she countered. They walked down the hallway to #2640. "I just realized we have no room key," he said. "A chin rest ... maybe," she wondered. She placed her chin on the chin rest and allowed the retina scanner to map her eyeball. The room door opened. I'm not sure whether I should be impressed or worried," he admitted. They walked into the room. The door shut behind them. "Looks like standard Las Vegas fare: king-size bed, decent bathroom, and not much else. Let's go," he repeated. He tried to open the door, but the electronic lock would not unlock the door. "What's up with this?" he asked. "We are having some technical problems with the door locks. We expect to have the problem resolved shortly. Thank you for your patience," a disembodied voice proclaimed. "That sounds just like the Russian back home!" she declared. "I think you're right, it does! Now what do we do?" he queried. "Well, you always say I'm only good for one thing!" she announced as she removed her shirt. * * * * * They were getting dressed after killing time in the time-honored tradition of men and women everywhere. A four-note chime sounded and then the disembodied voice proclaimed: "Our technical problem has been solved. The doors are working again. 'Swing until dawn' will now commence." They walked back toward the main entrance until they heard some music. It sounded unfamiliar, like Eastern European polkas mixed with new-age rhythms. The music was coming from a room with that now familiar stylized dancing depiction being displayed on video monitors on both sides of the doors. They walked inside. As they walked in with him on the left and her on the right, they could see no one at all. A muffled thudding noise sounded from their left. They both turned to look at what caused the noise. He heard a strange swishing / chopping noise behind him and turned around quickly. As he turned, he saw Virginia's arms flying in the air -- with each arm in three pieces -- and blood spraying everywhere. As his mouth opened in horror, he heard her starting to scream. Then for the first time he noticed the two muscular men swinging swords just a little beefier than Japanese samurai ones seen in American movies. Both men were dressed in colors exactly matching those of the walls, making them difficult to see. Just as her scream became ear-shattering, the man on the left lifted his blade and swung it at her neck, severing her head in one motion. Her head moved to the side of the rest of her body and quickly fell to the ground. As her now-silenced scream echoed throughout the room, he moved one foot in front of the other in an attempt to fight the two men, but he found his balance strangely affected. He looked down and saw that his arms had been severed the same as Virginia. Two more men had been standing behind him in wait. He felt vertigo as he had never felt it before and realized that his head was now moving to the side of his now headless torso. The very last experience in his life was hearing the chimes calling for the next couple. © 2018 Pete Prunskunas This story was deleted due to its being submitted to the US Copyright Office for copyright protection.
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January 2023
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