"How are we going to get past the Chinese guards outside the South Korean embassy?" asked Ko Mi-ja. "And what's that strange contraption Kil-chun is holding?"
"He's holding your freedom," chuckled Yun Gap-sun. "And in case you're wondering, a member of our group called the South Korean embassy just a short time ago to warn them of what we were doing. I think the Chinese guards will be caught by surprise." "You could consider it an array of firearms," started Gim Kil-chun. "There is a plastics factory nearby. We took a number of scrap pieces -- actually, I think the proper term for the shape is right rectangular prism -- and drilled barrels in them, in other words, a hole that does not go through both ends. We drilled a tiny hole at the dead end of each barrel for the fuse. We used a lathe to make bullets, well, okay, they're rather crudely shaped, slightly tapered on the business end. We removed the gunpowder from many firecrackers and dropped some down each barrel. We jammed a bullet down each barrel and inserted a fuse into each hole. Then we took a strap and connected many of them together, connecting all of the fuses to a larger, primary fuse. The last thing we did was attach a bracket to allow us to quickly bolt it to a street sign. The array shifts so we can aim it." "How strong is that plastic?" asked Ko Yun-bok, the brother of Mi-ja. "Isn't there a chance the plastic solids will explode into many pieces?" "I see someone paid attention in science class," began Gim. "Yes, that is a possibility. We chose pieces with no obvious flaws. We've done a bit of testing and discovered that the solids are never a problem for the first and even second use, but sometimes they fracture on the third use. Given that we only use them once, I think it's unlikely that they will fracture. And the fuse hole closes under the extreme heat, so all of the gunpowder's force is used to propel the bullet forward." "Okay, pay attention," ordered Yun. "Kil-chun and I will walk to the street sign with me blocking the view of the array from the perspective of the Chinese guards. Kil-chun will attach it to the sign. Do not make your move until I raise my arms above my head and then drop them to my side. Understand? There are four stages to the array, meaning there are four volleys, forcing the Chinese guards to run for cover, though the plastic bullets are not traveling fast enough to injure them unless they strike an eye. Then Kil-chun and I will run to a nearby building where more members of our underground railroad are waiting with different shirts for us to wear. And you didn't really think we wore these silly hats because we liked them, right?" All nine members of the group nodded. "Good luck to all of you," added Gim. Yun and Gim walked to the sign, with Gim quickly attaching the array to the sign and aiming it at the Chinese guards. Gim lit the primary fuse. Yun turned around to face the Chinese guards. "Taiwan is a free and independent country!" he screamed as he raised his arms above his head. "Free Tibet! Long live the Dalai Lama!" shouted Gim. The Chinese guards started walking toward them. The first stage of the array fired, with the Chinese guards being stunned by the flying projectiles. Then the second stage fired and the guards ran to a concrete barrier. Yun dropped his arms and the nine North Koreans, including orphans, ran to the front entrance of the South Korean embassy. As Yun and Gim ran away, the third and fourth stages fired, forcing the Chinese guards to hunker down behind the concrete barrier. "Welcome to the Republic of Korea!" announced the embassy guard as he opened the gate. * * * * * The telephone rang, with the president of Feed North Korea answering, "Hello, this is Christian Talvela." "Hello. My name is Euh Kun-hee. I am a senior aide to South Korean Ambassador Lee Kyung-ni. Can you come to the South Korean embassy in Washington DC as soon as possible? Since this is not a secure telephone, I am hesitant to discuss the matter right now." "I could leave early in the morning and be at Washington National around noon," replied Talvela. "Excellent. Would a 1:00 PM meeting be acceptable?" asked the aide. "Yes, that's okay, as long as the plane isn't late. Should I ask for you?" asked Talvela in return. "Yes, please do. And thanks for traveling on such short notice," concluded the aide. * * * * * Talvela told the guard at the gate of the Korean Embassy in Washington DC that Euh was expecting him. The guard called to the main building, confirmed that Talvela was on the list, and motioned for him to continue toward the main entrance where he was met by Euh. "Mr. Talvela, thank you for coming on such short notice. Please walk with me to Ambassador Lee's office. We have much to talk about," said Euh as they walked to Ambassador Lee's office. "Mr. Talvela, I'll bet you are wondering why we asked you here. Please have a seat," offered Ambassador Lee Kyung-ni. "We never quite know what to believe with respect to North Korea. As you know, Kim Gour-met was the leader until December 2011. Recently we received an overture from his son and current leader, Kim Half-thatch. He asked to see you in person. He would tell not us why. Given your interest in the Korean peninsula, I believe you might find it educational to travel to Pyongyang to meet him," explained Ambassador Lee. "Absolutely!" declared Talvela. "We will classify you as a temporary employee and pay you at the level of Special Representative for North Korea Policy. When can you leave?" asked Ambassador Lee. "I suspected something like this might happen, so I brought clothes suitable for the Korean Peninsula. I can leave on the next flight," declared Talvela. "Excellent," concluded Ambassador Lee. * * * * * "Ladies and gentlemen, we have been cleared to land at Incheon International Airport. Please ensure that your seat belt is securely fastened and that your phones are turned off," announced the flight attendant. "Look, Yun-bok, the bright lights of Seoul!" squealed Mi-ja, pointing at the window. * * * * * As Talvela stepped off the plane at Incheon International Airport, he saw an attractive female lieutenant holding his name. "Mr. Talvela, my name is Lieutenant Song Han-na. I have been assigned to assist you with your meeting in Pyongyang. My regular position in the army is in logistics, but since I have a degree in English, my superiors believed that I would be a suitable assistant for you." "Since we will be working with each other in tense circumstances, I would like to eliminate the formality between us. Please call me Christian," said Talvela. "In that case, please call me Han-na," countered Lieutenant Song. "By the way, how did you get involved in Korean matters? You aren't even partially Korean, or Asian for that matter." "My much older sister adopted a Korean girl, Da-seul, with the two of us not being very far apart in years. My sister insisted that she continue her education in Korean, so she became perfectly bilingual. Whenever I could, I sat in on her lessons. My Korean is really uneven, but I can get by. Da-seul might have come with me, but she's pregnant with her first child right now," explained Talvela. In a different part of the airport, the Ko siblings exited customs. "Will all of you please follow me?" said the young man holding a sign reading, "Refugees from North Korea." The two Ko siblings, along with the others, walked excitedly behind their guide. * * * * * "President Shon, I would like to introduce Christian Talvela," said Lieutenant Song. "Mr. Talvela, it is good of you to travel to our peninsula. Kim Half-thatch's message has us dying of curiosity. Besides Lieutenant Song, do you require any assistance?" asked President Shon Joon-ho. "Given the humanitarian nightmare that is North Korea, I would appreciate it if you can supply us with a medical doctor who is familiar with the conditions there. I have a feeling that those skills might prove useful. Of course, the doctor needs to speak English," offered Talvela. "I know just the person. I expect you will leave tomorrow for Pyongyang, so I will ask the good doctor to be ready in the morning. Anything else?" asked President Shon. "Yes, do you know anything about the North Korean woman who was seen in a video searching for grass to sell to wealthier people to feed rabbits? She said in the video that she was an orphan," added Talvela. "I think you will find that Lieutenant Song is an expert on that subject," noted President Shon. Talvela looked at Lieutenant Song with curiosity. "I will conclude by telling you that you will probably also deal with Kim Tip-ple, Kim Gour-met's younger sister. We believe she is acting as a regent for Kim Half-thatch. She is reputed to be a mean drunk and even caused her daughter to commit suicide," added President Shon. "Sounds like it will not be boring," said Talvela. "I cannot wait to hear what you have learned upon your return," concluded President Shon. Talvela and Lieutenant Song walked out of the president's office. "Han-na, what did President Shon mean by your being an expert on orphans?" "I am an orphan myself and grew up in an orphanage. I joined the army because I have no family. I was one of the very first graduates of our officer training program for women. I keep current with orphan matters on the Korean peninsula. I am fairly certain I could find Yoo Tok-ki, the rabbit girl. For me, she represents all of the starving orphans in North Korea." "I love the smell of baby food in the morning," offered Talvela. "It smells like -- victory?" finished Lieutenant Song, catching the cultural reference. * * * * * "My name is Colonel Chun Yu-shin. I will be your escort," said Colonel Chun. "Colonel, my name is Lieutenant Song Han-na. This is Special Representative Christian Talvela. And this is Doctor Lee Mi-hyun," said Lieutenant Song. "Please come with me," said Colonel Chun. They walked further into the palace. "Radiant Marshal, General Kim, please allow me to introduce Special Representative Christian Talvela, Lieutenant Song Han-na, and Doctor Lee Mi-hyun," said Colonel Chun. Turning to the visitors, he said, "This is Radiant Marshal Kim Half-thatch and General Kim Tip-ple." "You want a drink? It's the best Canadian Whiskey. Let me get you one," slobbered Aunt Kim. "Not now, revered aunt. Please have a seat. Mr. Talvela, I have read your blog. You do not agree with many of the policies of North Korea," stated Radiant Marshal Kim. "To be blunt, the policies of your father have resulted in the deaths of millions of North Koreans and more than a few South Koreans, Americans, and others. Why do you not see that allowing your people to eat proper meals, and stopping the never-ending war with the rest of the world, would enable North Korea to be a much more powerful country? South Korea is the 8th largest exporting country. North Korea is 120th, just ahead of Mozambique. There is no reason North Korea could not emulate South Korea; after all, you are the same people. By switching your spending from your military, Pyongyang could become another Asian Tiger," declared Talvela as he watched Aunt Kim constantly slurping caramel-colored liquid from a large glass. "What would you say if I told you that we want to do just that? What would you say if I told you that our generals are preventing us from doing that?" asked Radiant Marshal Kim. "Your grandfather and father made many promises and offers over the years and all of them turned out to be vapor from a starving cloud," commented Talvela. "You have a vivid imagination. I would like you to give us your suggestions as to how my aunt and I can wrest power from the generals," said Radiant Marshal Kim. "Excuse me for a second," said Radiant Marshal Kim as he turned to his servant. "Take my dog out for a walk now. And don't forget to feed him." "Dog food!" Aunt Kim giggled hysterically. "I have a plan, but first I have a request of my own. You may or may not know that a North Korean woman, Yoo Tok-ki, was featured in a video which has been seen around the world. This video showed her starving and looking for grass to sell to wealthier North Koreans. She clearly lived a pathetic life," said Talvela. Lieutenant Song looked at Talvela with a slight smile on her face. "Before I give you any advice, I want to find this woman, if she is still alive, given her predicament. And I want to take her back with me to Seoul," said Talvela. "Does this woman interest you sexually?" asked an amused Radiant Marshal Kim. A thudding noise caused everyone to look over at Aunt Kim who had fallen out of her chair onto the floor. She looked up with half-opened eyes, laid her head down, closed her eyes, and went to sleep on the floor. "No, nothing like that. She represents deprivation on a scale I could never imagine. I cannot save the world, but I will save this woman," said Talvela. "I accept. Colonel Chun will assist you. I assume you already know the general whereabouts of this woman?" asked Radiant Marshal Kim. "Yes, we do," offered Lieutenant Song. "Okay, we will meet again after you find her," concluded Radiant Marshal Kim. * * * * * "She should be around here. This is where the truck driver filmed her. That's her, I'm sure of it! Stop the truck!" demanded Lieutenant Song. "Let me address her. Yoo Tok-ki, please come here!" said Colonel Chun. A pathetically thin young woman walked slowly to Colonel Chun. "Am I in great trouble?" she asked in a whisper. Colonel Chun laughed. "No, this is the luckiest day of your life! Please get in the truck. We will take you where you can eat a complete meal for once," said Colonel Chun. Yoo had a dazed look on her face, but she got in the truck as ordered. * * * * * "Okay, we'll begin. This class will teach you how to survive in South Korea. Almost everything is different here. To be blunt, people are very materialistic," began their instructor. "For men, accomplishments in the military often dictate how one will be accepted in the corporate world. Unfortunately you will never be allowed to join the military, as we can never really be sure you are not a Trojan horse." "Education is taken very seriously. As a matter of fact, on the day of college entrance exams, air traffic is rerouted, if not delayed, so that students have the best possible environment for test-taking," he continued. "We will give each of you a decent sum of South Korean money at the end of your training. You must be very careful with it, as some refugees before you naively gave it to grifters promising them some pie-in-the-sky. You need to think very carefully about what you will use it for," he added. The two Ko siblings looked at each other. "I think we should combine our money and see what kind of business we can start," whispered Yun-bok. Mi-ja nodded. "Maybe a restaurant outside of Seoul, as the prices are very high here." * * * * * "I am allowed to eat all this?" asked Yoo. "Yes. What do you think about moving to Seoul?" asked Lieutenant Song. Yoo looked at her with a puzzled expression. "Seoul?" Talvela turned to Lieutenant Song and Doctor Lee and said in a low voice, "Tell her to take a long, soapy shower." "Why are you helping her?" asked Colonel Chun. "I do not know if you heard this story, but in Japan, there is a classic manga comic magazine from the 1960s called Tiger Mask about a professional wrestler who donates his winnings to the orphanage in which he was raised. On last Christmas Day, anonymous donors brought gifts of school satchels, fruit, vegetables, bags of rice, and even cash. One of them left a drawing of a man behind a tiger mask with a note of: 'I am Tiger Mask -- I have come to your city and I want you to distribute the gifts to all the children's homes here.' Another left a note saying there are Tiger Masks across Japan," explained Talvela. "There are Tiger Masks all over the world," declared Talvela. Lieutenant Song smiled at him and squeezed his arm. * * * * * As before, Colonel Chun brought the visitors to the presidential palace where Kim was waiting. Talvela wanted to make sure that Yoo Tok-ki did not disappear, so he brought her with him and ask her to sit in the corner where he could keep an eye on her. Lieutenant Song and Doctor Lee joined Talvela. Talvela started, directly addressing Radiant Marshal Kim. "Have you studied the aftermath of the collapse of totalitarian regimes?" Radiant Marshal Kim's eyes opened wide. Talvela continued: "When the fascist government of Italy fell near the end of WWII, Mussolini and his mistress were strung up like slaughtered pigs. Romania's Ceausescu and his wife were put up against a wall and shot on Christmas Day, shot like the common criminals they were, just a few weeks after the fall of the Berlin Wall in 1989. You could avoid all that, you know. By ending the state of war which exists between the two halves of Korea, you could end the starvation of your people and probably end up winning the Nobel Peace Prize." "Korea is a shrimp between three whales, China, Japan, and the USA. The first two have tried to eat us for hundreds of years. How would you ensure that we were not swallowed up by the whales if we declared peace? How would you rebuild North Korea?" asked Radiant Marshal Kim. Talvela hesitated for a few seconds before replying. "Your immediate concern is food and medical care. After signing a genuine peace treaty with the South -- nothing can start until that happens -- we would establish camps in all of the major cities. Each one of these camps would have a large food tent, in which basic, cooked food is given away. We would not allow raw food to be given to your government because it would be sold in the black market. A second tent would be set-up for medical care." "You would quickly have a situation where you would be overwhelmed with people needing food, given your country's starvation crisis. I believe you would discover that you have far more orphans than you realize. After these homeless people have been cleared by the medical authorities, they would need a place to live. The solution lies in the many abandoned factories you have. The homeless people would remove the junk and fix them up to make them livable." Radiant Marshal Kim looked at his watch. "Oh, no! Lance Brobdingnagian is arriving any minute! I must go now!" he shrieked as he ran out of the room. "Lance Brobdingnagian, the American basketball player who declared that foreigners being held prisoner in North Korea deserved it," whispered Lieutenant Song to Talvela. "It appears we are done here," said Colonel Chun almost too quickly. All of them stood and started walking out of the building. Talvela turned to Doctor Lee and whispered: "Walk behind us and converse with Tok-ki. It does not matter what you say. Just keep talking and get her to talk." Doctor Lee just nodded his head and smiled. Talvela, Lieutenant Song, and Colonel Chun were walking three abreast. "Tok-ki looks cute with her new buzz-cut," joked Talvela. "She did not relish the thought of having her hair chopped off like that, but she had lice and other nasty things on her. I made her scrub her entire body in the shower," added Lieutenant Song. "It is very kind of you to take her back to Seoul with you. What will happen to her?" asked Colonel Chun. "We will get her an apartment, update her knowledge of Korean, maybe even teach her English, and get her a job somewhere. She'll probably work in a restaurant until she learns a few things, but at least she will eat three meals a day," said Talvela. "I wish we could give all orphans adequate food and shelter," volunteered Colonel Chun. Talvela and Lieutenant Song realized this was a strange thing for a North Korean officer to volunteer and looked at each other briefly. Colonel Chun turned his head to directly face Taleva. "I tell you as a friend, do not return to North Korea unless I invite you to see the zoo," he whispered. "Do not return if anyone else calls you." He turned his head back to face the front. "I wish you great success in your endeavors. I hope to see you soon," he said just a little too loudly and turned and walked away. As they walked away, Talvela asked Lieutenant Song in a low voice, "What did he mean by that?" * * * * * Talvela and Lieutenant Song were having dinner in a Seoul restaurant. "I read that Kim Gour-met's hobby was collecting pedigree dogs, yet he continued to eat dogs, especially dog stew. So to paraphrase the old expression regarding cake -- he wanted to have his dog and eat it, too!" joked Talvela. Lieutenant Song simultaneously rolled her eyes and smiled. "Christian, all kidding aside, don't you think there is a strong possibility that some North Koreans would emulate the fanatics in Jonestown and commit mass suicide if their country imploded because their world has come crashing down?" "Drink the North Korean version of Kool-Aid? I hope not, but it's always a possibility. However, people are still people and nobody likes living as an ignorant, starving slave. This has been true for centuries, with Spartacus and his band of former slaves being the best example. I will wager that the only people who would be crushed are the sycophants in the Kim family circle, in other words, the relatives and friends of the Kims and the military and civilian elite. I realize that North Korea is probably the most extreme case of national indoctrination the world has ever seen, but look at what happened in East Germany. No one committed suicide and no army units attempted a counter-coup." "Did I tell you the one about the American who visited an Asian city on a business trip?" started Talvela. "He patronized a house of ill repute and had sex with one of the women. When changing positions, she told him, 'Dong ho, dong ho!' Being a clueless American, he thought the woman must be calling him studly. So when he played golf with a local businessmen the next day, he used his newly learned phrase, telling his golf partner, 'Dong ho,' as he sunk his ball into the hole. The businessman turned around with a quizzical look on his face and asked, 'What do you mean, wrong hole?'" "Oh, that's racist! That's sexual harassment!" exclaimed Lieutenant Song. "Oh, that's hilarious!" "So, Han-na, are you going to show me some of Seoul's nightlife?" Copyright 2020 Pete Prunskunas - All rights reserved.
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April 2024
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