Sometimes I think there is a direct correlation of Hollywood movies and television, but especially the latter, to politics. Take the show My Mother The Car. It was only on for one season. Various critics have declared that it was either the worst or second-worst show of all time, but I think such criticism is unfair. I heard that Democrats have ordered a remake of it to be called My Mother The Presidential Candidate, though instead of using a 1928 Porter Stanhope touring car, Democrats will use a 1967 Chevrolet Corvette Stingray.
The first episode will take place at the airport in Tuzla, Bosnia, about twenty years ago. The aforementioned mother will have been sent to Bosnia because her husband, the former president, thought it too dangerous for him. Instead, he sent her, his only legal child, and a comedian in his place. She will land at the airport under withering sniper fire and be forced to run with her head down to get into a vehicle. Even though there are bullets raining down upon their heads, she will find time to stop and have her picture taken with an eight-year-old local girl. She's so brave, this mother. The first episode of the original series was "Come Honk Your Horn," but the first episode of the new one will be "She Honks Her Own Horn." One actor will play an ongoing role in the show, especially with respect to shows situated in North Africa. For some reason I cannot remember his name. All I can think of is the name of the late, great, character actor, Ben Gazzara. What's that you say? Oh, of course, it's Ben Ghazi. How could I forget? A very important actor! Another episode will involve a helicopter which is forced to land after being struck by a rocket-propelled grenade. A notable co-star in that episode will be a former news anchor. The name of that episode has not been decided yet, but it will probably be "The Life Of Brian Williams." An episode in three parts will illustrate men engaged in daily dalliances, amour du jour, if you will. Part I will feature the mother's husband, with him using state troopers to facilitate his tawdry romps. She will be accused of defending a man who should have been chastised, at the very least, for his many indiscretions. As with other episodes, the title has not been nailed down yet, but the short list includes "Notorious," "Close Encounters Of The Tobacco Kind," and "A State Patrol Car Named Desire." Part II will feature a famous comedian, but his licentious behavior will be of the form of forced frolics. The plot twist will involve the use of medications to make the women sufficiently pliable. The title is still being debated, but it will most likely be either "Little Shop of Quaalude Horrors" or "Bill Cosby And The Lust Crusade." Part III will feature both of them, titled "Wild Bills." A new episode which is still being written is in reference to the allowing of Muslims into the country without vetting so they can perform lone-wolf attacks. The name has yet to be selected, but it will probably be "Clear And Present Danger," "The Manchurian Candidates," or "Enemy At The Gates." An adventurous episode will include a member of the opposite political party, one who is a vociferous, even odious, advocate of using H-1B and other visa fictions to replace American workers with less competent, but cheaper foreigners, so that corporate officers will continue to receive the pampering to which they have become accustomed. This will actually be the third version of the movie, with the original one being a classic from the early 1950s. The title will be "The Day The Job Market Stood Still," with Gort being replaced by ChatGPT. Another episode will be a remake of "And Leave The Drive-In To Us," but it will involve a dream sequence where the car is actually a biological male who thinks he's female, though he acts much like any queer male. He will cruise retail parking lots and drive-ins, looking for males to suck his stickshift. He'll obnoxiously honk his horn at every attractive male he sees, delusionally thinking that they will want to service him. A remake of "Goldporter" will involve the president and his drug-addicted son, though it will be renamed "Gold-laptop." The car will travel to countries willing to give large amounts of gold for favors at the highest level. It will feature that well-known song, "Hey Joe, where you goin' with that Chinese and Ukrainian money in your hand?" An episode that uses the name of the original one, "An Unreasonable Facsimile," involves another a dream sequence with a biological male who thinks he's female. He will drive into a Christian bakery and demand that they bake him a cake that's pink on the inside and oily on the outside. When the bakery refuses, his lawyers will sue, regardless of the fact that there is a constitutional amendment regarding freedom of religion, but none regarding homosexuality. An episode which has nothing to do with the original series will explain how none of the Biden family went to prison, with that episode being named "Swindler's List." The 19th episode of the original series was named "The Incredible Shrinking Car." For the new one, the script will be drastically modified. This mother will ignore basic rules of government security, with the new episode titled "The Incredible Shrinking Email Server." From what I understand, there was an argument over the name, with some wanting to call it "Lord Of The Files" and others paraphrasing that old AOL standard, "You've Got Jail!" An entirely new episode will touch on rumors that a personal friend of the mother is actually the biological father of her daughter. That episode will be named "Webster Hubbell Always Rings Twice." The second-to-last episode of the original series was "When You Wish Upon a Car." The plot involved the mother-mobile convincing the owner's children that she was actually a magic genie who would grant wishes when they rubbed her with a magic cloth. The plot for the new series was completely revamped. The genie is now named Huma, with her granting wishes for the mother and keeping quiet about it afterward. And all of the rubbing is done to the mother's husband. The new episode will be named "When You Wish Upon A Tsar." The last episode of the new series will feature the current president and be a remake of the 23rd episode, which was titled "My Son, the Criminal." No need to change the name. Elements of another episode of the original series -- "Desperate Minutes" -- will be added, involving Joey realizing that he has precious little time left to pardon all of his family. But the episode and the season will conclude with a happy ending. The Corvette will run over and mangle the head of the teacher's union. Most of television is forgettable. There are so few shows like the first season of Remington Steele, all of The Rocky and Bullwinkle Show, and the Halloween episodes of The Simpsons. It's interesting that two of the writers for My Mother The Car were writers for Bullwinkle and another is now an executive producer of The Simpsons. Remington Steele was entertaining because it lifted plots and titles from many classic movies. Before Friends, before Beverly Hills, 90210, there were shows that looked like soap operas with better actors and larger budgets, especially for clothes. Dynasty, Dallas, and Charlie's Angels come to mind. Everyone in those three shows looked as if they had been dressed by a fashion magazine editor. I never understood Dynasty, though. How people could accept that one family should remain in power, year after year, is beyond me. Question: What's the difference between a fashion magazine editor and a chipmunk? Answer: Chipmunks are not afraid to wear fur in public. We know exactly what another Clinton / Obama / Biden presidency would be like. In November 1996, Barbara Castor, a 76-year-old northern Colorado widow, was tied to an old dam and left to die while her two teenaged murderers, one black and one white, watched TV and played pool in her house. Then in October 1998, Matthew Shepard, a young queer man who wanted to trade meth for sex, was beaten, tied to a fence, and left to die. One of the attackers was a strung-out queer hustler, but that fact was lost in the rush to canonize Shepard as a victim of so-called hate crimes, with Obama signing the addition to the statutes. Bill Clinton sent two representatives to Shepard's funeral, but none for Castor. Then in August 2014, Michael Brown was shot and killed by a police officer in Ferguson. False stories were spread alleging that Brown actually had his hands up when he was shot. Riots ensued all over the country in protest. But just a few months later, in November 2014, newlywed and recent immigrant from Bosnia, Zemir Begic, died in St. Louis University Hospital after being beaten to death by teenaged black and Hispanic attackers using hammers. The only protest over Begic's murder was a small one by the Bosnian community in St. Louis. Liberals never allow the facts to get in the way of a good story. Trump had some good ideas, but his toxic personality sabotaged his presidency. Liberals continually tried to convince us that the race war started on his watch, but it definitely started on Obama's watch. Obama served from January 2009 to January 2017. Black Lives Matter was created in July 2013. Beyonce's Black Panther tribute during the Superbowl happened in February 2016. The sniper murder of five Dallas police officers, with twelve officers shot in all, occurred in July 2016. And the so-called knockout game, while not strictly started during Obama's watch, ramped-up in that time period, with the only victims being whites and Asians. Black lives matter, but no more than European-Americans, Asian-Americans, and all other kinds, regardless of what Beyonce, Gavin "gruesome" Newsom, Nikole Hannah-Jones, or Ibram X. Kendi think. Not to mention that the Biden family carries more baggage than Michelle Obama returning from a European shopping expedition. Some of you advocated for Biden to be removed from office due to his diminished mental capacity, but you never took it to the next step. President Kamala "word salad" Harris? Are you insane? It's time for a new direction. So, permit me to introduce the next president. © 2018-2023 Pete Prunskunas
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